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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Alone. I mean really alone

73 replies

mmsmum · 11/02/2011 21:57

Am I the only one who is really alone? By that I mean (without feeling sorry for myself) has no friends, has no contact with ex, and has no family or worse, limited contact with family who doesn't care/understand. I guess I mean totally isolated.

I hear other people say how they are single parents but then go on to say how they share kids at hols/weekends, have someone to share decision making with and have some child support. There is also the crowd of 'oh I'm practically a single parent'! Let's not go there!

To me the true meaning of lone parent is just that, alone. No support financial or otherwise. And its the latter that's the worst, having complete responsibility for absolutely everything, if it goes wrong its your fault and no-one elses.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Monty27 · 12/02/2011 00:33

Can I pour you another ?

sugar?

MavisEnderby · 12/02/2011 00:36

lol at windowcleaner stuff my windowcleaner is also about 50 and knew dp when he was alive lolol!Nothing wrongwith churchy stuff,amnot religious but ds has joined beav
ers.

MummieHunnie · 12/02/2011 00:51

I am another all alone single mum to two kids.

Their father has not seen them in about 2 years, his family have no interest either in the children since he left he is perfect dontyano, and I am the wicked witch who will cause death upon speaking/seeing me, you see .

I was very sociable, I have not been so in just over a year, darn that counselling I had it made me see the light and took me from that comfy place called delusion . I cut a lot of people out of my life, including my toxic family, so it is just me and the children. I am working on learning to trust people again.

I am another one with a disability, my children have it also.

You are not the only one.

Asteria · 12/02/2011 01:02

Another lonesome soul here

I have an 8 year old DS - father hasn't had contact since he was 3 months old, which is probably a good thing as he is an emotional fuckwhit!
I'm the only single parent I know and have been without regular sex a boyfriend for over a year now. It gets bloody lonely in the evenings!
I got a dog in the end - she tolerates my rambling makes an excellent companion!!
MN keeps me relatively sane

GypsyMoth · 12/02/2011 01:04

monty....bedford/milton keynes area

hi Asteria and mummie

MummieHunnie · 12/02/2011 01:07

hi, Tiffany.

I am interested is your name, due to the fact you love a person called Tiffany, or the store?

GypsyMoth · 12/02/2011 01:12

oh the store mummie....or more like the contents!!! that little turqoise box....

Asteria · 12/02/2011 01:25

I have two little turqoise boxes sitting on my dressing table - sadly the provider of the joyous boxes has departed. But the pretty contents are still here

MavisEnderby · 12/02/2011 01:29

lp stil here too in self indulgently phasae of pissedness.Needs slapping round face to bring back to normality.love all you feisty single mums/.dades out there.we are fab(yet flawed in my case) big hugs xx

nixnjj · 12/02/2011 01:41

Can I join in to please, another totally alone mum, normally I can handle it and convince myself that the mums I nod at at the school gates are friends but after a recent diagnosis of glandular fever have come to the realisation that I am deluding myself. I know I'm being silly/self indulgent as some of you guy's have real health problem but I feel so ill, exhausted, guilty about being a crap mum at the moment. Its a case of getting it out here or sitting in a corner and crying my eyes out.

GypsyMoth · 12/02/2011 01:50

None of us are crap mums. We are here aren't we...... The dads aren't, just us!
Chins up ladies!!

makemeskinny · 12/02/2011 07:56

Happy birthday Monty!!!

How any of you can stay up till nearly 2pm is beyond me!!!

Olessaty · 12/02/2011 10:13

Well, I would say glandular fever is definitely a "real health problem" so do not think yourself silly at all. We all have our moments, and I know mine generally come when I am having health problems, so feeling run down, with all the responsibilities of being a lone parent on top of them. You are not a crap mum, so what if you do things just to get by, that's a good enough mum in my opinion, recognising limits and doing the best you can within them. Stop the guilt, it's a waste of emotion, all it does is add to your already heavy burden, just remember that it will pass eventually, and aim for getting through to the other side as best you can.

Happy birthday Monty.

Friday night is my True Blood fest, I really enjoyed this weeks. I am so tempted to allow people to give me downloads of the series so I can watch the rest back to back. I've already said yes to Vampire Diaries. Oh yes, I am a vampire fangirl of the highest order.

As for wine at night? I think it's fine to have a couple of glasses, yup. Of course my kidney doesn't always let me do so. These days one glass equals crippling back pain, so I tend to avoid it. It's certainly tipping me in favour of removing the damned thing, I'll tell you.

Shimmerysilverglitter · 12/02/2011 10:42

Hi, can I join? Kids dad is involved but all on his own terms and all my friends live abroad and family miles away. I am forty in one week and last night ex told me what a shit person I must be to be alone at forty with no mates and no one to celebrate it with so that was nice. I have a little turquoise box as well and am considering another bought by myself for my fortieth, only something very affordable though!

However my kids are fabulous and I feel blessed to have them. Just wish I had some mates to see and chat with every now and then near by.

Shimmerysilverglitter · 12/02/2011 10:44

Happy birthday monty!

nixnjj · 12/02/2011 13:03

Happy Birthday Monty.

And thanks to everyone for your kind words

teahouse · 12/02/2011 13:42

Just caught this.
I've been a lone-pranet for over ten years now and have very few friends and although my parents live nearby and have been great with my kids, they haven't been overly suppotive of me (they help me out if it benefits their grandchildren [I've been virtually thrown out of the family because I'm divorced].

My ex rubs in as often as he can that I'm still alone. He tells me I'm a terrible mother, that I lie and am a waste of space - he doesn't pay as much maintenace as he should either given his job.

It's my birthday soon too (I'll be 45) and also won't be celebrating with anyone (for the tenth time running).

Happy birthday to all you LPs out there - it ain't fair that our lives aren't so great, but at least we have our virtual mates... break out the Bailey's/wine/rum and here's to us all

GypsyMoth · 12/02/2011 14:17

family eh!!

i get £5 a week from the first 4 dad,and a far more decent amount for the youngest....

happygolucky0 · 12/02/2011 19:37

Hello everyone'

I am on my own with a 13 yr old. I too have managed really well for last 11 yrs but these last couple have been a true test to say the least.

I also get the big massive support of £5 per week from his Dad but no nothing else, don't see him. To be honest think that is better than having him driving me nuts !!

Mum and Dad are good and do help where I need them too but don't like them to get too involved as it starts to cause rows as my Mum wants to boss me around and think I'm abit too old for that (too often anyway)!!
But to answer your op no I don't think they do understand how hard it is on your own.

AllDirections · 12/02/2011 19:55

I'm totally on my own as my youngest doesn't ever see her dad (his choice) and I don't see my family. My eldest two see their dad sometimes but it's the youngest that I need a break from.

I found some single parent friends a couple of years ago and it's made such a difference but most of them either have support from their exs or their families. Some lucky ones have support from both!! I have my daughter 24/7 so I need lots and lots and lots of friends so that there is always someone to do things with.

Original poster

mmsmum · 12/02/2011 20:49

Happy Birthday Monty :)

I too cut all (well all but one because that one is my mum!) the toxic people out of my life, so now I am friendless. I'm not a fan of birthdays as I'm always alone and then some insensitive person will ask me if I went out or what gifts I got (usually someone at the school gates!). I get one birthday card because dd makes me one. I feel sad for her as well because she sees that no one else gives me a card.

Not to worry as I seem to be doing well with maintenance, now I don't want to be jealous or think I'm being flash but I get a whopping great £6.50!

OP posts:

MummieHunnie · 12/02/2011 21:11

mmsmum, the first year that my ex left, he would not help the children (he was seeing them then irratically as and when it suited him ) to buy me a birthday gift, they asked me bless them, to take them shopping, I gave them the budget and stood back and let them choose, then took it to the till and had to not look, then pay, it was so sad for them that their father could not do that for them, I took them shopping for him for two years for events for them, eventually they didn't want to get him anything anymore, and contact stopped.

happygolucky0 · 13/02/2011 21:49

MummieHunnie I have had to do that for my ds too in the past. It is quite heartbreaking bloody men!.

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