Alone. I mean really alone

[mmsmum]

Am I the only one who is really alone? By that I mean (without feeling sorry for myself) has no friends, has no contact with ex, and has no family or worse, limited contact with family who doesn't care/understand. I guess I mean totally isolated.

I hear other people say how they are single parents but then go on to say how they share kids at hols/weekends, have someone to share decision making with and have some child support. There is also the crowd of 'oh I'm practically a single parent'! Let's not go there!

To me the true meaning of lone parent is just that, alone. No support financial or otherwise. And its the latter that's the worst, having complete responsibility for absolutely everything, if it goes wrong its your fault and no-one elses.

Am I the only one?

Mrsmum -

Simpson - I've not looked at thread 'cos I won't admit a struggle

ILT - Oh, that's why. That must be a revelation and not in a good way. I am going thru stuff with ds atm he's 15.

I find helps. Particularly on Fridays.

And MN helps too. The Teens threads ohh.... so not alone.

simpson do you not have a window you can climb out of? Think of the calorie burn lol On the bright side, doesn't sound like any burglars can get in either

I do have family nearby, but the only time I can call on them is if I need hospital or one of the kids needs hospital usually. I can't put on my mum because she's working two jobs and doing a university course, and she lost her sister and her mum three years ago, so she's struggling to keep it together. In fact, I am the one supporting her right now, I do her housework and the like. I cannot ask her for help at all. The rest of my family are all young, teenage or in university, again I feel responsible and not able to ask for help. I feel completely disconnected, as though I love them all dearly, my mum is busy living her life and my sister and cousins theirs, I try to keep in touch with them all, but I don't ever really spend time with them.

I often spend days and days with no one real to talk to. Internet is my friend. If I talk to an adult, it's a good day.

I've done the past three years, since I was about seven weeks pregnant, on my own. I have had a handful of nights off, and I did get home care when I was in a wheelchair after the birth of my second, and have had to move in for a week a couple of times with mum with kidney infections. So I guess I am not as lone parent as everyone else here, but I would describe myself as a lone parent because I've had to raise my daughter alone.

Its like that with fireman too isn't it, have you ever seen a yummy fireman?! I haven't its always been slightly porky 50+ men. sooo not fair!

Yes ds is very cute(he's the nursery favourite)!! hee hee he curently says ta, hiya, bye and tickle..though only ever says tickle whilst trying to jab you in the eye!!

And all of that sounded awfully negative. I'm actually really happy right now with my life. It's hard work, but my two are both lovely children, and I have always quite enjoyed solitude because I like reading and gaming and generally doing my own thing. I try really hard not to let the rubbish stuff overwhelm all the really great stuff and succeed nearly every single day.

i've always been quite a solitary person to olessaty....was an only child til i was 8,but i've ended up with 5 dc!!

I had to refuse an op I needed because I was terrified of what would happen to DD, I have some pain most days but nothing compared to the pain I could have if something went wrong with the op!

My neighbours husband is a fireman, yes he is porky and 50+ lol but he does lots round the house and takes his wife out to dinner and that makes him nice. Even if I would prefer he kept his shirt on while he mowed his grass!

It's excellent when children try to jab you in the eye, and hiya is the cutest thing ever!

Olessaty - that's a really positive post.

I work full time, whilst its exhausting, I do get far too much loads of adult conversation/interaction.

My big stress is, my dc's feeling secure. Emotionally and financially. That's my biggie.

:(

I am doing it alone, although I do have my dad and step-mum nearby, they both work full time and have very busy social lives. I don't like to impose on them too much, but they will help occasionally like tomorrow I have a tutorial with the OU. I very rarely ask them to help for going out on the tiles (can't remember the last time I went out in the evening).

I find it really hard to make friends too. The things that helped me most were; joining a local church, getting a job, and doing the OU. They gave my day and week structure, and filled my time, it has given me self esteem as I have acheived a lot, I earn my own money (or most of it anyway), and all of these things open the way to making friendships with people I have something in common with.

Big hig to the OP. xxxx

i meant hug not hig!!!

5 DC!! I feel bad for having a moan about one now. Although 5 must be hard I can't help thinking it's nice too. I have an image of you all cuddling up under a bug duvet to watch a movie/cartoon or listen to a story. The Waltons would be jealous :)

I do worry about my health a bit, I've just recently been diagnosed with arthritis and I'm waiting to find out just how badly one of my kidneys is damaged and whether I'll need it removed. I'm trying not to dwell on it though as I have a tendency to fixate on health when I get anxious.

Life with the kids is great. I've just recently changed access with DSs dad (who is pretty decent) and now spend more quality time with him (getting weekends rather than just weekday, school run stuff). We're getting to do stuff as a family more and with his sister getting more to a person (rather than baby) stage at 2.8yrs, it's really nice to have the priviledge of being the parent in this family.

ILT - RESPECT!

I'll be looking out for your posts about dd.

I'll bet its not anything like the Waltons. We can dream. I've only got two, dd and ds and they are chalk and cheese.

i'm on my own with a drama queen teen too. also have arthritis

Mine's only two and I know already she's going to be one of those dramatic children. Like mother like daughter of course, my own mum likes to tell me how just like me DD is as a baby, after for years telling me what a horror I was and how I drove her to the brink of insanity. I have empathy now. Empathy and a wine habit.

me too

I think all little girls are drama queens, at least for a while (one hopes!)

Talking about habits, do you all feel it's ok to have a glass or two in the evening? It's something that seems to divide people. Of course, if you're married then its fine to get legless when your kids have gone to bed but for a single mum, is it 'allowed' to want one or two? (that's glasses not bottles, honest it is!)

I've really enjoyed chatting with you all and thank you so much for replying to me. I am so tired I'll be asleep on the sofa in a minute otherwise I would love to stay up all night on mumsnet! I'm glad to have found others in similar situations to myself, it makes me feel better knowing I am not alone and it is nice to know I'm not the only person at home on a weekend. I'll be back soon, I can see me getting addicted to being here. I'm going to bed a lot less stressed out than I have been for a long time. Good night all :)

mrsmum - it's medicine! lol

Chink

And it's my birthday now ;)

Happy Birthday monty

happy birthday Monty!!!

not much like the waltons here.....2 dd's are 16 and 14,3 ds are 12,8 and almost 3!

16 yr old took ds3 to her mates tonight for a bit....it was bliss!! so thats a good thing....older teens do babysit a fair bit

and i've taken up running,doing the couch to 5k,so no wine for me as i'm also low carbing.

Thank you CCC

Chink

:)

Home alone, ds in bed, dd out at an 18th.

Baileys anyone?

ILT - thank you :)

ILT - OMG - where in the country are you?

oh we have a new emoticon!!! lol....all excited now!!

i'm having a CSI fest,i'm a bit in love with Grissolm!!

one out at a sleepover....4 in bed,and i think,all are asleep