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Original poster

Should ex tell me his address where he will be taking the children at the weekends

173 replies

evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 17:00

I'm after some opinions on this, my ex has now moved to a new house and despite me having known where he has lived for the past 2 1/2 years and where the children have been staying overnight, he has now point blank refused to tell me where he has moved to...Confused He was told to inform me where he lived and took the children by my solicitor 2 1/2 years ago, but now we no longer have solicitors as we have been through the court process and have a court order in place. I suspect he now won't tell me for this very reason. Would you want to know?

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StuffingGoldBrass · 27/11/2010 17:03

Do you think that this is because he intends not to return the children? If so stop contact on the grounds that he won't give you an address and you think he's an abduction risk. Get in touch with your solicitor ASAP it may only take a letter from the solicitor stating that he will not be allowed to take the children unless he gives you his new address.

tomhardyismydh · 27/11/2010 17:04

he definatly should. in case of emergancy etc. I it worries you tell him no address = no contact

just realised i had my exp address and wrote it on school contacts form and dont think I ever kept it. yikes I should get it.

QueenofWhatever · 27/11/2010 18:22

I don't know, I think an emergency number is enough. However, if it is in your court order he is obliged to tell you. Is he the sort of person who likes to push boundaries? I would write to him formally and dispassionately reminding him he has a legal obligation to tell you his address.

Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 18:30

Yes he is exactly the sort of person to push boundaries, I even asked him why he wouldn't tell me and he said he didn't have to tell me why he wouldn't tell me...wtf Hmm

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Beamur · 27/11/2010 18:36

I don't know about the legal side of things, but my DP and his Ex always let each other know exactly where the kids are - to the extent that his Ex on her last holiday with them gave him a list of where they were staying, on what dates and with phone numbers.
It seems reasonable to have an address.

ivykaty44 · 27/11/2010 18:36

Yes, my bf had a phone call from her dd1 one weekend when dd1 and ds1 where at their dad's place. There dad had collapsed and dd1 was ringing her mum to aks her mum what to do - bless her she was only about 10 years old.

my bf went straight aroudn to the house - which is a good 10 mile drive away - but she knew where the hosue was and had called an ambulence and given the address to the center on the phone - as she knew where her ex lived.

When she got ther the dd1 had let the drivers in and the dad was taken to hosptial he was awake but possible stroke at 43 years old

my b took her dc home safe with her and although they where shaken they were also safe

bettiboo · 27/11/2010 19:36

This is incredibly unreasonable. Why on earth would he keep that information from you! For what purpose? I had a similar problem with my ex and his family. In my opinion it's vital you have details of where your children are. What is something happened and you didn't know where they were or how to get hold of them. There is absolutely nothing unreasonable in asking where your children are staying.

hairytriangle · 27/11/2010 20:02

How old are the children? Any younger than about fourteen and he is bu.

mjinsparklystockings · 27/11/2010 20:05

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Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 20:09

The children are 3 and 4.
My solicitor when we were going through the courts, said that he did have to tell me, and she told him that he had to tell me and so he did...but he has now moved.
In fact when we were in court the Magistrate said at the start when he was reading out our details, is there any reason Mr *** that I should not read out your address and he replied 'No'.

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mjinsparklystockings · 27/11/2010 20:16

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mjinsparklystockings · 27/11/2010 20:17

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Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 20:18

Interesting mjin thanks...

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tallwivglasses · 27/11/2010 20:25

Might he have left a forwarding address at his old address?

You have to have the address. You can't rely on phones. Two or three times I've had to hammer on Exp's door because his phone wasn't charged.

mjinsparklystockings · 27/11/2010 20:26

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Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 20:33

Oh god yes its the control thing....can't think of anyone who would know that I know, I don't think he has any friends lol.
Yes I thought of electoral role but it is only updated once a year isn't it and I seem to remember filling one out not that long ago.

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hairytriangle · 27/11/2010 21:11

Personally I'd insist. and take legal action. the children are too small for you not to know exactly where they are.

TrappedinSuburbia · 27/11/2010 21:58

No address, no kids, simple.
There is absolutely no way on this earth I would allow my ds to be taken somewhere that
A) I didn't know was suitable for them and
B)I didn't know how to reach them in emergency,

ffs, it could be a squat (probably not) but you just don't know!

Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 22:05

Well, thanks for your replies, I'm a little embarrassed to admit now, Blush but I wasn't sure if I really had done the right thing, so before I was shot down I wanted to see if people thought I was being reasonable.
When he came to collect them this morning I told him to go away without them if he was not going to tell me and so he did he went without them.
I knew he was moving house as he was living in the house that we both still owned, and it had been sold. I had asked him over and over again in person, by text, by email for his new address, in person he just muttered something, so I just sent texts and emails since last Friday, which he completely ignored. When I asked him this morning he admitted he had received my messages but still refused to tell me, I said well I am not happy for the girls to go if you are not prepared to tell me, so he turned around and went.

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Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 22:39

By the way he didn't live in the house that we had both lived since the split, so it was not a case of me knowing by default where he was, he moved out of our jointly owned house and rented his own the details which he was told by solicitor to give to me.
I stayed there for over 2 years and then wanted to move for my eldest starting reception year this September. The house had been on the market but was not yet sold, so I told him I was moving out (I paid the mortgage) and either he could move in (and pay the mortgage) or neither of us would live there, ane we would both have to pay half. As I knew he would, god forbid he had to spend more money than necessary he moved in. Just to explain lol

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colditz · 27/11/2010 22:41

Then he loves his control over you more than he loves his children.

Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 22:46

That is what I thought...very sad.
My 4 year old then said 'Are we not going with Daddy then?' And when I no not today, my 3 year old said 'I didn't want to go anyway'.

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Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 22:47

when I said..it should say

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HerBeatitude · 27/11/2010 22:53

Totally agree with Colditz.

He's doing it to control you. And that control is more important to him than the relationship with his children.

What a prick. Stick to your guns. I would put it in writing, a formal letter saying that the court has ordered he tell you his address and that unless he does, you cannot allow him to take the girls as it's not in their interest in case he has an accident or some other emergency. And could he kindly give you the address ASAP as you feel it is not in his DC's interests fro him to not have contact.

Original poster
evolucy7 · 27/11/2010 22:56

Yes thanks HerBeatitude...thats a good idea the end bit especially about giving it asap so the girls can maintain regular contact Smile

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