Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 27)

[ninah]

part 27? good god

I should have been ok, but I borrowed from my dad for my deposit and assured him I would have no issue repaying from my old deposit. Old deposit turned out was about £300-400 less than I realised , so the last few months I have been putting aside my buffer money (normally have a little bit that carries over each month) to top up that. My dad now wants his money (f*ck knows WHY he isn't short of it), and I am still £150 short, but even without that where I have lost my overflow from the last couple of months, and I have spent out on various extras (what with xmas, school trips etc) - I am now screwed, worrying about telling my dad that I am £150 short anyway, I still haven't bought xmas for the kids (sod the rest of the world), oh and I did my fabulous thing of deciding I am perfectly fine and no longer need my pills, so now I am a complete wreck and not coping with this whole thing when if I was stable it wouldn't be such a major thing.

Was explaining to Carrot today how my mind works. My brain is constantly whizzing, doing far too many things at once (Obv overthinking lots). When I am good and take the pills it is a sort of normal/high level whizzing and I think in a fairly rational way. When I stop taking them it speeds up. I end up with even more going on in there and the overthinking goes even more and I can't switch it to rational at all and it tends to lean towards paranoid. I deal with it either by throwing myself into things too much or by completely retreating into myself. I don't know why i stop taking them.

It has taken me years to realise all this.

Tis one of the things that led to the marriage breakdown though and I have lost friends through it too.

I need to accept that I just need the pills and probably will do until at least menopause (this started when I was 15 - so thinking hormones may change it)

Not Carrot. No. Erm, was talking to someone else about it rather than someone I am clearly having no contact with.

Meh, as messed up as that whole set up is, he is one of the few people that my brain actually dials down a few notches when I am around.

Lol flame.

And welcome new poster

nnallc wassup?

Lou. Those of you on my fb would have already known about the carrot thing, but I think I have done very well in not mentioning him on here And (not mentioned on FB) I was very good on Friday and sent the drunken veg home without attempting to change our benefits status.

Hi nnallc, it's been a bit quiet on here lately think most of the fil have found luurve, a few are still available including me.

On the subject of finances, I do internet banking but don't like horror films so cannot bring myself to log in, if I do I have my hands over my eyes!!!

Nearly finished a bottle of wine tonight, working tomorrow, but have been following the latest on tuition fees and well you know it was all in vain. If DD gets to uni she will have to pay extra tax for the rest of her life but they won't defeat her, hopefully! Had tears tonight but she will go.

Might be seeing Salesman, from earlier in the year tomorrow. Just a catch up.

Can i just say that dp is blaming ME for the fact that his waistband has extended to the next size up. He said he could not button up his usual size when he went to collect some new work trousers lol
How very dare he!

I told him i like telly tubbies :)

Theatreguy has just sent me a message saying would I mind if he paid for the tickets for the theatre - and generous though I think that is, I'm a tad uncomfortable seeing as this will be the first time we've met. Ideas anyone?

nah, I am all for it

Lou, no wonder with all that lovely food you keep taking pictures of.

Mzd, just let him pay...there's enough to spend money on at this time of year without being principled over that. I happily let a guy pay without feeling any embarrassment or obligation, and anyway I tend to meet men with more money than me :)

Agree to buy the interval drinks or something, and bring a box of Maltesers!

he has offered so let him pay!

i told dp that seeing as i have put on weight since being with him then its only fair he does too

let him pay! can understand your reluctance though so maybe offer to buy interval drinks as lilacbauble suggested

lou - you're right, it's only fair

i better start getting ready for vimes christmas work party

Have a lovely time!

Ooh have fun!

i was just talking to juice on fb

she says to say hello to you all

she sounds happy and everything is good with her

this is totally ot, but can i just have a chuckle about something?

a friend on fb is writing a tv series he hopes to get commissioned, and he said he has been writing a character with me in mind and would i be interested in taking the part!

despite the fact i have never acted in my life lol

he is insistent i read the script when it is ready though

i am intrigued as to what this character is portrayed like though

i could be famous you know, FAMOUS!

(practises being a diva)

Ohh Lou, can we be in your fan club

Hi all! Have just got back from doing job in Paris for two days, am really tired.

Had lovely date with radio man the other night, he cooked me dinner and we didnt ever manage to get out of his flat for a drink after that. when will I ever learn [fblusch].

However, it has all gone a bit pants since.

He had invited me to a big party this weekend, which was lovely, but I have had to cancel as mum is so ill I dont feel right about spending my time with a man I barely know and not with her.

So although I have made the right choice and hoestly the only choice am feeling a bit down. He was very understanding and said it is exactly what he would do himself, but I will find out I suppose if he means what he says

So am off to see mum in the morning

Elasta, don't get down about it, if he is worth it, he will understand.

Lou, get you! Sound intriging.

I'm having a few little jobs doing in the house by my neighbour. The place need ripping out and starting again but it's nice to get those niggly jobs done. If anyone is like me, the DIY gets unattended if there isn't a man around.

Once he's gone I'm going to clean up and get the tree out, takeaway and a bottle of wine tonight.

Was meant to see Salesman last night but I was so tired and was relieved that he didn't confirm it. Apparently he was waiting for me to confirm.

hi everyone

elasta - how was your mom this morning? ((((())))

lou - ooh get you

as for the party, i ha dproblem doin gmy eye-make up so made us late, i came downstairs feling really good and asked vimes how i looked and all he said was 'cool' i felt bit deflated then so because i knew we were getting what i thought was late (not helped by him looking at his watch) i kept getting flustered at same time i was tryig to put on false nails - not a good move, i kept getting my fingers stuck to the nails and stikcing my fingers together. eventually got out the house, we barely talked all the way there cos i thought he was rellay p'd off with me

i got to go to house viewing, will post more later. i can't help overthinking it's doing my head in

me again

got there on time after all that tell a lie, he did speak to me about halfway there and asked in joking manner if i was ready to meet 'that lot' meaning his work mates, we go ther eventually and met some of his colleagues and their partners. he was talkingto them and i felt bit left out. went to dinner and had lovely time laughing and joking was brill. after dinner he went off to take photos of his colleagues and tlak to them for what seemd like ages and i felt as though i might not have been there. whne he eventually came back, i still felt as though i wasn't there kind of thing, things did ind of perk up later though the 2 tia marias helped. i'd gone past him while he was waiting for his team photo, he'd got his hands on his hips and when i reached out to touch his arm , he never even moved, i kind of felt invisble. on the way home, he did talk to me like normally and said that he was concentrating on the way there, wtf? it was just as dark on the way back, unless it was because he wasn't completely sure where it was. i don't know if i'm just miserable cos of the weather or not.

he doesn't, to me, feel the same as when we first got together, he proposed a while ago but there' still no ring (though there was a promise ring) i don't feel as loved he says he still feels the same and can't understand why i'm feeling like this, he said it was like i'm pushing him away to stop myself from possibility of getting hurt. i feel like i'm in competition with something and i don't know what. i don't know if he's going to propose again at xmas or what, am not gonna get card off him for xmas he doesn't 'do' xmas cards.

i feel really irritable and snappy at the mo and it's relaly getting me down, m,y brain hurt sformover thinking .

please someonet alk some sense into me

sorry for long post x

Aurora how long have you been with him. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. You taking him to your works do, would you make him feel left out and ignored? I doubt you would. Sorry to say this but I might do that if it's just a date for the night but not to someone who I love and want to marry.

He might have just been feeling nervous or some reason.

thanks eve. we've been together for about three months tho both agree that it feels like longer in good way. he might not have realised that i felt left out maybe. you're right i wouldn't have left him to feel left out

3 months isn't long and too soon for him to be proposing. Keep seeing him but take a little step back and see what unfolds. Hope it goes Ok for you.