Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 25)

[Remotew]

Kicking this off.

Hi BeautnotMag, 3rd date sounding promising and can see you are keeping your options open.

Can everyone PLEASE stop bragging about bed offers?

I have been turned down for sex by both men I have tried this year. I am getting a complex.

Boo - this time last year I was heavily pregnant. Not necessarily happy, but with a man I loved and as far as I knew loved me (still maintain his actions during the pregnancy was not a man who didn't love me). Since then my world has fallen apart, been put back together, and now gone a bit wonky again.

Oh that would completely freak me out MILY. In Carrot's words it is the sign of going from dating to being in a relationship when you meet mates, colleagues etc. (we were discussing a mate's weirdy boyfriend one night)

Wow, mily, I agree aim to spend some more time with him first.

Re dating after splitting, I suppose it depends who ended it and how long it took...I moved out in April, but it was over 18m before that, so in my mind I've been single for two years already. I know that I don't want anyone living with me, or even to meet the kids as they are not ready at all, but I haven't given up hope of meeting someone who adores me in the way I deserve

My reasoning with dating is that I wasn't looking for love, I was already in love (regardless of his feelings), but I have a lot of years to make up for in single stakes so I was gonna have some fun.

Then it all went wrong as the fun bloke turned out to be a bloody good match.

So now I am in love with one, in confusion with the other, and still not having the fun!

I read somewhere that the 3 things that a man will do that tell you you are the one are profess (tell his mates about you and introduce you to them all as his gf) protect - want to protect you and stick up for you and provide - take care of you.

Not sure how valid it is but IMO men who dont appear to do any of that after you have been dating them for a while arent serious about you

Oh and yes, I have no qualms about showing nipple to any who want to see :o

i asked him to leave. it had been over for a few months before that. i am not sure if a still love him, i don't even really like him much and that's not anything to do with being bitter, he just became a person that if i met him now i wouldn't like. he was a huge part of my life and my children's dad so i expect i will never truly get over him because we have that lifelong connection. pretty sure i am not looking anything serious in dating but just reall want soemone i can talk to and get on with. not looking to introduce them to the dcs or anything.

elasta - quite like that about 'the one'

I ve been on the cb threads ranting and raving

Hi to Booyhoo

Will just try to catch up need to speed read

Elasta , RAF seems to be be doing all those things and i have only met him once

I have no idea what to do

I may have done something foolish. I have tickets to a gig tmrw night at the O2, was supposed to be going with dad but he had a work thing come up, so then I had suggested to GMM, who was keen but then I withdrew the offer after his 'we are not right for each other I can't perform' email

Sooooo, I thought I wasn't gonna go, it came up in the conversation last night and RAF was wildly enthusiastic, so we going

At least it means I will see him again and get chance to reflect on whether to go to the Mess dinner

Lots of texts today saying what a lovely time he had....

Argh, I seem to have swept him off his feet and I didn't mean to

You nay as well meet up. its an outing if nothing else.

I don't know if it is the real Boy (XH has always been "boy") i love, or the old one that i keep catching glimpses of in the current one. All I know is that when we are together as just us, no life in the way, it is there. But life IS there. I couldn't live with him again. I see the chaos and mess after just babtsitting here. But that spark and the way everything disappears when he smiles at me... that isn't fading.

In the last few months I had one dream about Carrot but countless about Boy.

Scary but sweet RAF at same time :o

I can grin cos its not my life...!

Mily Ooh sounds good.You never know until you try and you fid say you had a good time last night so he is at the very least good company.

It is hard to go with the flow i have all these stupid feelings that i don't want.I didn't expect to meet someone i actually liked i thought i would just to get to go on a few funny dates that i could talk about to you all and my rl friends.

So much for the early night i planned... one feels sick (over tired i think) and keeps calling me in. one has aching legs and keeps calling. I am gonna read until they both sleep i think!

Oh FS, I felt like that about XP for a long while (a year-18 months after we split)It will fade eventually, but he was supposed to be your forever man and it takes time for you to get over that. No reason why you can't go out there and have fun in the mean time though

Hello to everyone else and congratulations to all the dating.

I finally plucked up the courage to message a couple of guys that I liked the look of. (I've always just responded to guys who messaged me in the past). Nearly a week has passed and I've heard nothing from either of them. I've had one guy get in touch on IM who seemed nice and a pretty good match, til he mentioned that he didn't want a relationship, just 'fun'; and an Irish man who wants me to talk dirty to him

Mily, I get why you're nervous, it's all very fast, isn't it?!

@ forever man. Annoying thing is i turned him down for ages on the basis that a... i didn't want long term and b... i would end up hurting. He promised me he would never do that. :(

Hi FLF

Mily - take this thing with RAF at your speed. A bit fast imo too. Don't commit to mess thingy until you know him better.

ok. i am now tired. there isn't enough of me for three children all needing me. Times like this make me realise that i love the old boy. i don't know the one that would leave his children so easily.

Have decided that MSF is a waste of time. I e mailed 3 men I liked the look and sound of, and the e mails are still unread, which apparently indicates that they are not paid up members, however it does tell me that they've all been online in the last day so it's not like they just haven't logged on.
It also says that something like 1569 new members have joined in the last week, but there are no new members in my area so it seems a bit stagnant, and there is very little choice (I think it gives me about 12 potential matches). Bah...

hmm Yup sounds a bit pointless tbh.

i am chirpier today. sorry about last few days of moping

Well today is going well

Turns out xh had no agreed this sat/sun visit/sleepover with his bro and sil.....whose ds is teething and not sleeping and they don't want a housful

Gah

Also, emails from RAF calling me 'gorgeous', which I didn't respond to immediately so then texts, then I email and am not as effusively affectionate, so then another email from him saying 'have I done wrong?'

So I sent him this:

"Your comment did make me smile, I am just a bit more cautious I guess. I had a lovely time on Monday, really enjoyed your company but I am worried you are very keen and we've only just met. I hope that doesn't sound cold. I just want to make sure we get to know each other properly and don't get ahead of ourselves.

It may be that you really don't need a relationship with a woman like me - very busy, demanding job, 99% of parental responsibility for 2 young children etc etc, no matter how much you understand that situation and like your early impressions of me.

I have been very deeply hurt in the last year or so and, although I am emotionally far stronger than I thought possible even a few months ago, I am wary of getting deeply involved with someone in a hurry. I don't want to hurt anyone either, especially someone as genuinely nice as you

Looking forward to seeing you later"

Haven't got the energy for this

Was so looking fwd to weekend.....

Mily Ah that is a really nice email.If he doesn't respond well to that then he wasn't worth the effort in the first place.

I know what it is like being let down with childcare my exp always has some pityful excuse.Usually it is purely to stop me doing anything i just wish he would realise it isn't me that suffers it is the boys.

Chin up i'm sure your day will get better.I had almost written mine of yesterday after getting bad news about one of my pupils as well but it was ok in the end.

Cheers BNM, is xh being characteristically disorganised and self-centred. I am not surprised. You are right about the dds, they will be gutted as they love their aunt and uncle and were really looking fwd to sleepover, doesn't occur to xh that they will mind....

Seeing RAF this eve for the gig. Can't help feeling I should leave it there as I just can't imagine this growing the way he obviously wants it to. Or maybe that's just because am feeling

mily I think thats an excellent email - I expect his response will determine whether he's a nice guy but just a bit over-enthusiastic, or an over-demanding potential PITA (in which case you would want to be rid sooner rather than later!) Give him another chance this evening, it might just be a bit of naivety - whats his backstory? I sometimes think if you've not been in a major relationship (with or without children) and properly had your heart broken, its much easier to go into things headlong - I know in my early 20s I used to 'fall in love' on virtually a weekly basis whereas i think now we're more cynical and/or cautious due to our experience, and the fact we have children who are dependant on us......

Am with BnM on the childcare thing - I cant ever tell my Ex I am doing anything as he will immediately find something to do other than have the boys. He does have DS2 most Fris and/or Sats but I can't guarantee it, and if I specifically said I needed him to take DS2 he wouldnt - just to be awkward

No idea how I will manage if I ever meet anyone, although that seems so unlikely at present is probably not worth worrying about!

Hi Monty, how's your poor tooth?

That email is perfect, Mily, Beaut is right, if he doesn't respond well to that, then he's a waste of time.

Happy, it might be worth signing yourself up for a second site, different sites work better in different areas. I'm signed up to Ok Cupid and Plenty of Fish. I know that other people in my area have had success with POF, but I find that most of the messages are "Hi sexy" type things or text speak [shudder]. OkC has a compatability test thing (like eHarmony, but free) and I prefer that, but it's all down to personal preference I guess.

I'm having my own thing with my ex just now... the Question of Christmas has reared it's ugly head. My problem is that I have DS (13)from previous relationship and DD (3) who is XP's. He wants me to decide whether he can take her to his family (6hrs drive away) this Xmas or next. DS is devastated at the idea of having to have Xmas without her and my gut reaction is that they are brother and sister and shouldn't be split up for Xmas. I usually bend over backwards to accomodate XP's wishes, he stays here at weekends to get as much time with her as poss and takes her to his parents once a month, I even had him over for Xmas last year. At a push I would have his parents here for Xmas afternoon or something, but his Mother made it very clear, fom the moment X and I split, that she felt that they didn't have to have anything more to do with DS, so I feel she's made her decision and should live with it.
I'm wondering if this should be in AIBU... sorry for the essay/ hijack