April chat for locals

[mellow2]

New thread for new month!

there you go pool

foxie - didn't know you are model railway enthusiast? Have you been to any of the acton tram depot open days?

My order of 100 small wooden planks have just arrived. Can someone remind me why I thought that was a good idea? Our living room is already a construction site/railway/tip!

Thanks SFX

Has anyone done the children's lessons at Teddington?

Morning all.

SJ - congrats on the house. You must be really excited. Sorry no advice on surveyor nor solicitor, we bought our house 15 years ago and I don't really remember any details other than the price of the house.

QC - can't believe the SW said that. Really for you. I know your DS doesn't have special needs, he is a v bright, happy boy. I wouldn't worry at all, tbh.

CoV - wow, so much progress on your business venture. Good luck!

Ros - I am not boasting but I didn't get any stretch marks against all odds (my mum has loads of marks and my tummy was huge - DS was over 8 pounds) and like sfx, I applied lots and lots of cream/lotions every day. HTH

slng - social worker gave me some helpful advice on preparing a life book for DS. Other than that she takes all problems that child adopted from overseas might have and treats DS like he has all of these problems. I think his speech is slow and I am a bit concerned about it, she wants me to contact HV or GP now to get him refereed. On balance I think waiting to 2.5 yr check which will be in a couple of months and assessing it then is probably fine and will give him the chance to improve a bit naturally if he is just being slow (as he was to walk) and I doubt will cause any great problem waiting those two months.

The real problem in fact is that she left me feeling strangely inadequate - I can't beleive thats good practice! Of course I have been spoilt because last sw would just turn up, say "Isn't he gorgeous, you're doing so well with him, nothing for me to add really. Bye" This SW says "Have you practiced what you are going to say to difficult comment from strangers?" KC thinking of racist commetns..."not yet but I must think of some good remarks". SW - "how about other commetns" KC puzzled "what other comments?" SW - "well people will tell you that he is gorgeous"

"Ummmmm, well yes they already do. I say... he is, isn't he, thank you" I'm very puzzled about whole point of that conversation and alarmed that I may have missed a vital piece of the puzzle which will make DS's life a misery unless I can work it out. Or was it just an odd comment?

On the positive side, it has made me get my arse in gear to get him re-adopted in the UK so they can all sod off.

Ros I have stretch marks and no baby to show for it! There really is no justice in the world.

Kew - you do have a baby. Toddler, rather. Small boy, if you prefer. Demolition machine, maybe even.

Don't know that you need special responses to admiration from other people. Odd.

KC just because they have a tittle it does not mean they actually know what they are doing, I remember my sister saying just horrified she was listening to some of her colleagues blatantly racist homophobic and generally skewed views. people take their prejudices wherever they go and reflective practice is often just paid lip service to - end of confused rant

what is wrong with saying how gorgeous and lovely he is?
am no expert but he seems to be doing great plenty of kids talk less when older ffs

Morning all,

COV - The cakes on your profile look fabulous, such a good idea and very artistic pumpkins!

I'm not going to the pool either today, DS kept me up pretty much all night last night so, being the detective that I am, I am going to conclude that tooth number 3 is on its way...!

Have been given the go ahead to start furnishing DH's property development so am happily scouring the net for sofas - anyone have any good sites ?

SFX - Shame about dd, I hope she her cough goes quickly

sfx - I think the problem is that she actually does know what she's doing but is so experienced that she seesm to anticpate problmes where there are none and is not treating DS as an individual.

SLNG I do indeed have a beautiful toddler/demolition machine and in fact because of his delays and prematurity he was really a baby when I first met him at 11 months (in 3-6 month clothes) however I'm not sure he'll be impressed at being blamed for my stretchmarks in the years to come!

Kew- re speech, doesn't DS go to a childminder? What does she say about his speech? I should think she has a better picture of his development than a random visitor.

KC well that is just doing the job by numbers and not really being very helpful.

I think adoptive parents need support etc but I would hate to have all my shortcomings and inadequacies pointed out and scrutinized on a regular basis, I know what I am bad at, I try to make up for it, I would crumble under such pressure

Lau - the cough is not too bad but I just don't want to subject her to pool/ changing rooms variations in temperature, besides she looks tired.

hi all,

Kew, ds went to speech therapist last week, she got him to do a few bits and pieces (puzzles, putting things in a bag etc) and said he was doing fine, just a little slow. It's been a while since I've seen Gherkin but from what I remember he & ds seemed to be at a pretty similar stage speech wise so I'm sure he'll be fine. And yes, sw not very helpful!

Must go pick up ds from nursery, back in a bit

KC I wouldn't worry too much about the speach. I thought DD was a slow starter on speach but was told that the spectrum on speach is so broad at that age, you cannot really "measure" it until they are over 3 (I even got her hearing tested 'cos I was so concerned). Any way, now I cannot stop her talking!! A lot of DS's friends didn't really talk until the age of 3 to 3.5 (specially those with ESOL)

Your DS seems bright as a button to me. Its bad that she made you feel inadequate though

Regarding prejudice - if you are birth parent, no one gives you advice on how to prepare mixed race children for racist comments. I am often alarmed at how many people call DS1 a "girl" and are not at all bothered that he is clearly offended

Lausy cargo homes are good for sofas. and sofa sofa

Slng I used to be obsessed with trains and have a model train set (as a child)

foxie - I take the point about not being given lessons on racism if you have mixed race chidlren "naturally" but the (possibly flawed) idea is that you have a partner who has experience and can thereofre provide the child with advice/strategies on how to deal with it. Had my share of racism being English in Wales but not sure that counts .

I'm not exactly worried about his speech though his progress does seem slow to me and it is frustrating him. I do think there may be a problem and donpt want to ignore it if there is. Central auditory processing disorder is quite common in adopted children who were institutionalised and that can affect speech so really thats the main reason I don't want to ignore it. On the other hand I don't want to go down the SALT route if a few more months will solve the problem.

I am not very familiar with that in 'normal' children but have you actually seen any 'warning' signs or is just within the general - things that can affect adopted children?

honestly adopted or not parenting is always a source of anxiety

meant to say about odd comments I have had someone comment dd does not sound foreign given that she spends the day with me and I have an accent PMSL

anyway want to drag toddler out but apparently she is 'practising my playdough skills mummy'

SFX - only warning sign so far is the speech delay but very difficult to test under about 7yrs. It is known to be much more prevalent in instituationalised/neglected chidlren but can affect "normal" children.

I only really focus on those problems more common in adopted children if I think DS might be showing a propensity to it and only if it is something which can be treated. Teh difference between CAPD caught early and helped with undiagnosed CAPD can be huge, so its worth keeping an eye out for it. On the otehr hand, the fact that DS can be hugely unconfident in situations of change may or may not be due to the circumstances of his birth/life (insecurity much more comon in adopted children again) or it may just be his personality. I don't worry about it, just react to his personality and give him as much strcuture as I can which gives him confidence. Does that make sence?

KC yes of course it makes sense but every time I see gherkin I notice improvements in speech, he also seems able to process info in noisy environments and seems keen to repeat new words and seems able to spot them.

regarding personality I still can't work out how dd came out so cheerful and outgoing complete mystery

Interesting point, QC and foxie. As a minority, I know what racism is and know how to deal with it (well, mainly ignore it) but have no idea what's like to be of mixed race. This is something I should prepare myself for later on. Any books you can recommend?

not many books specifically on mixed race but lots on "difference". I'll put together a wish list on Amazon and you can have a look at it. obviously it will have some of my other stuff on there but am sure you will be able to work out which are the relevant ones. Mostly chidlrens story books dealing with difference generally.

SFX - I think the jury is out on how well he processes info in noisy environments - he is generally so excited that he pays little attention to anything except having fun!

Ooops try again:

www.breastfeeding.nhs.uk/en/fe/page.asp?n1=5&n2=13

sushi - I think you can into my wishlist here www.amazon.co.uk/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=topnav__w_h_ You might need to separate out the adoption books from the difference/racism books though some cover both themes and most are suitable for all children regardless of race/adoption. They are aimed at pre-schoolers there are books aimed at older chidlren we can discuss later...

foxie apparently we can do an event, well can't take boobs out and feed but maybe run walk thingy, as you can see all clear on my mind

have put a few questions to Alan Johnson about bf hope he answers tomorrow have also written to Susan Kramer about the issue

am feeling militant

funny never knew this special week existed