Hellooooo Derby ladies

[MrsFish]

Its the new year, spring will be upon us before we know it, does anyone want to meet up soon, expand that social circle ?

I have 2 boys, a 2 and a half year old and a 4 month old.
Lisa x

sorry you are both having a crap time sounds like the head doesn't like to have to arise to the challenge of educating a child that is not text book and may actually require a education personal to him, children respond to the environment they are in so his behaviour should be seen as a sign that they need to adjust how they treat/teach him.

mumsnet will send on message with my email address on it to your email account but normally only in office hours i think.

He doesn't sound bad too me just frustrated.

Thanks. i just don't get it, my neighbour picked us up from school, she asked him how his day was and he gritted his teeth and looked down at her. Head's too much into the getting Joe to "look inwards". He doesn't think of others, I think it's because he's never had to . he's only got me so that's why he's so caring towards me, I think he's waiting for everyone else to prove their worth. Head thinks he needs a strong male role model, Joe does a sports club so I've got this sorted, the coach is very good. I don't know, he's either really gifted or has serious social problems that I need some specialist help to sort out. It's never easy is it? How was the husband's interview?

Interview was fine he happily didn't get the job and the person who should did.

It seems alot of people reckon all problems can be sorted by a strong male role model when mum brings up a child on her own, yet children in two parent families don't always have one!!!

In my limited experiance i have known other boys who have tried to establish themselves as the man of the house and protector of mum, this in turn may effect how they view themselves ie not as a child therefore making interaction with others his age difficult. I had a difficult and traumatic childhood and felt for a large part that i was not a child and had to look after others(a very long story not to be told here) but to give you an idea one teacher spent the whole year when i was 7-8yrs old trying to make me laugh he never managed it

Another possibility which you may have thought of from what you have said is to look at having an assessment carried out for aspergers. I have worked with alot of people on the autistic spectrum and some of what you have said appears to tick the right boxes but again it is a very wide spectrum and most people have autistic traits and o.c.d traits without ever realising and certainly without having autism or o.c.d

Or he could be a boy who will always be slightly eccentric, challege our perceptions of normal(of which there is no such thing) and achieve more in his life than many others largely because he has a mother that beleves in him and provided him with everything he required emotionally whilst growing up and allowed him the freedom to develop.

I know i have autistic and o.c.d traits

That's sad Jes. I don't think he's got aspergers, I think there's a few traits in us all though. He's only got one of them, the social problems, he doesn't mind a change in routine, not socially inept when he's with me, I think he's eccentric and will do great things. It's sad that the school don't see that. time to mive him.

Don't worry about the autism and ocd, we all have these, I like to count things when i'm bored. I did this alot at school!

He does shy away when my neighbour tries to touch or cuddle him, then he told me that he didn't think that anyone outside his family (me) is allowed to touch/cuddle him. Could this be a trait and his excuse for it? I've asked him to give her a nice cuddle tomorrow, I wonder if he will!

I don't worry about them i had specialist training in both areas in that training we had to identify 2 traits for autism and 1 fo o.c.d that you have for aspergers you need 5 traits before you need to worry my o.c.d trait is how i cut sandwiches its that triangle verses squares thing very common.
To be honest with your pead training you are able to spot traits of aspergers my aspergers trait is time keeping i cannot be late anywhere or early it has to be on time! so having childe has certainly helped erode that trait. he sounds to me as though he is eccentric and you allow him to be that, for which he will thank you as an adult.
As for my childhood i had to grow up fast my father is an alcoholic and a violent one at that so i had little to laugh at alot of my childhood was spent in womens refuges only to return to the same cycle af abuse, somehow i managed to stay sane and carry little baggage around from it. I do however then find it frustrating when teachers and other adults responsible for children do not nurture children as they should.
It is more than apparent though of the love and understanding you have for your son and the fact that you are prepared to fight for him and not get beaten down by the illogical thoughts of the masses that you should do a,b or c. and therfore you enable him to remain comfortable with who he is.

he is just starting puberty so naturally he should start being apprehensive of cuddles, he will also be aware of stranger/danger and because she is outside the family have a slightly astrewd view on touching so does not have to be a trait, in some it is but often i have found in more severe cases, traits iwould look for in my son age 8 if i suspected mild aspergers would be lack of eye contact, lack of awareness of others thoughts and feelings inability to explain basic emotions to me, writing lists, routines that cant be changed ie my chair my cup how i put my clothes on - there would be flexibility in the day as activities go so holidays ok but still want the same cup(my cup)on the holiday. Repetition of certain phrases and need for reasurance that appears excessive and the inability to read basic faces ie telling if you are happy, sad or angry hence why thomas the tank engine is a favourite toy the expressions on the face do not change.
But all these put together could still only mean i had a child with low self esteem and strong attatchment to personal items and immaturity with regards other peoples emotions.

Thankyou. My dad's an alcoholic too, he's never been violent though. My mum has had lots of mental health problems so I pretty much brought myself up. It sounds like you've had a hard start, you've got lovely children though. You should be very proud. . I understand him, he doesn't see the world in the same way, he wants it to be fun and happy and he see's the way it is. That's enough to confuse anyone. I'm going to ask the new school if they can take him any earlier then september. I don't think it's good for him to stay where he is. The head's nice but I don't think they know what to do with him. I keep telling them but they don't want to listen.

Do you want to meet for a coffee?

From your list he only has lack of eye contact (not all the time though, only 1/5), lack of awareness of others thoughts and feelings? he's very rash and often does not take these into consideration when he acts/speaks. In hindesight he see's what he's done and how it can upset people. he finds it hard to describe how he feels when he's angry/upset etc. He claims to be always happy, that's his view of life though, that it should be fun and happy. He has none of the rest. Hmm. What do you think?

I have to add the training i had was in relation to a certain set of people with other problems as well and was very much based on person centered training to support and understand them, they had already been diagnosed so the training was more on ensuring continuity in care and best work practices, it just happenned that the educational psychologist providing the training was passionate in his belief that you cannot support someone well if you have never walked in their shoes and made his training as personal as he could.

That's a fair and good way to support people. I don't think you can know what soemone else's life is like from watching outside. Sometimes people see and show only what they want to and they ignore the rest. That was a good educational psychologist. Why are you up so late? not bf again?

HAve just got your email. I'll email you tomorrow. The washing machine's stopped so I can go to bed now. Sleep well.

I wouldn't be particularly concerned from what you say he probably has a large need to please you therefore will always try to second guess what you want and ty to conform to it hence always being happy-one of mine does that. He may need well need a different style of education and will probably wake up one day aware sudddenly of other people and their emotions, boys are slower to mature emotionally than girls and this could look like a bigger problem than it is if his learning has taken off so quickly because he is bright whilst his emotional maturity is slightly delayed or possibly pushed back because he has such a strong desire to learn. At some point it will catch up with him and he will balance out, the only thing that is important is that you are able to understand him whilst you can then i wouldn't worry.
Icould sense K's dyslexia a long time before anyone else, that i felt was because i understood him.

Coffee would be nice especially if it comes with a chocolate muffin when are you available.

night night{smile] and yes my time at the computer si fitted around ds and his food requirement

night night and yes my time at the computer is fitted around ds and his food requirement

Are you free on Thursday?

Did i really post night night twice? have got to go to sutton coldfield in the morning should be home by 12 and into derby for 12.30 if thats any good.

Can do this for a hour or two, where's your favouite place?

Having never been out to coffee in the city centre you choose as you are far more likely to know somewhere nice!!!

Do you want cheap? Saddler gate has a couple of nice ones, can meet you at 12:30 in Big Blue Coffee company?

that sounds fine is saddler gate near the swimming pool?

Do you want me to meet you at the swimming baths and have a coffee there? Or there's a cafe opposite the cathedral, I've not been in though but it looks nice.

if we meet outside the cathedral at least i wont get lost as for where we go i really do not mind. I will so have to find my way around more now going to look at my map to see where saddler gate is!!!!!

ok. I'll give you a quick tour. See you thursday, 12:30.