Possible relocation to SF.

[MyBeautifulRaven]

Any advice from US base MNetters, particularly West Coast.

I've had an approach from a tech company - $380k base with a very attractive equity package. It would mean a relocation to the Bay area, which is what gives me pause. I'm very happy with my life here, our children are in the process of fledging so it feels like an odd time to relocate. On the other hand, it feels like an incredible opportunity, especially at my age. DH works for a US company already, albeit in a remote role, but it means his hours would align nicely so no problem there.

Ugh, any thoughts?

San Francisco has an awful street homeless issue.

Generally, you need to investigate what visa you would be on, if DH is allowed to work as a spouse attached to you, could the children come at all/stay beyond 18?

The children are both 18+ and tentatively finding their way. I don't think DH would be a worry, he works for a big US tech company already and they'd sponsor him no problem.

Why don’t you go over there for a holiday before you decide. Some people will claim to know lots about SF having never been there ever.. The Napa Valley is lovely.

I know the Napa Valley well, I know the West Coast fairly well, I also lived in the US when younger. So it's not virgin territory. The timing feels wtf. Why now?

The Bay Area is lovely, but expensive, you do need to pick the right spot. Can you go over for to size the place up and decide? It sounds like in your position especially with your husband's work you should at least consider it, especially as you won't have a "trailing spouse" and he's able to work too. My friend relocated there (I'm in Canada) it is definitely a lifestyle change, lots more driving, can be harder to make friends too if you don't have the "in" with schools, but you could treat it as an adventure, maybe commit to 5 years and see how it goes? How would the adult kids feel about it, and would you sell your current home if you own it?

I've always been up for adventure as has DH. The timing for this feels incredibly awkward with the children's young adult stage. But, it's an incredible opportunity for me - DH is absolutely supportive of whatever choice I make. Probably keep the house here - ageing parents is another consideration, they're not in need of support now, but they're both well into their 80s.

I think we'd rent there. I'm not up for a permanent relocation. It's an attractive package for relocate though! All the logistics will be dealt with.

Friend's DD lives near The Painted Ladies in SF, high-level corporate communications.
She just became engaged to an American guy and they're planning to stay, so I'm guessing it can't be all that bad in terms of quality of life, at least not in that area.
Definitely worth considering, imo.

It's an incredible offer - it just feels WHY NOW???

I think I'd be a fool to turn it down though.

Then it sounds like it might really suit you both, the most content relocators are usually the ones who have limited time there and are determined to do as much as they can as they have a definate end! What sort of visa would it be, as there is an exit tax if you leave on a green card, I believe.

Yes, I need to look at that and how it would impact any equity - I remember my father having a horrible time with US taxes when we lived there - particularly after we came back to the UK. DH has had to jump through hoops with some areas of his work - not his main job, but payments from US companies regarding tax. So I am mindful of that.

It would be a sponsored visa through work. We certainly wouldn't be looking for long-term residency.

Just as a rough guide, the cost of living is double the U.K. everything costs so much more, also there’s tax implications if you will have any residual income in the U.K. on top. but if it’s double your uk salary then I’d be tempted too!

I do like San Francisco but don’t know enough about it currently to have a strong opinion apart from that guy in charge of the country. I suppose make list of pluses and minuses, your dc will be ok especially if they have some uk based relatives

It has to be a yes though I think, I'm 52 - an approach like this is bonkers really. I understand it, I have a very specific skill-set that is valuable in context. I'm certainly worth it to them. What I do is very unusual and an emerging field, particularly in frontier models, so I understand my worth here.

But, timing, world?

So in 20 years time would you regret not doing it?

I think I would. Yes.

I'm obviously going to do it - I would be mad not to. I'll work out the logistics. I do worry that the children will think we've abandoned them...

That's my big fear really. I see it as opening up more opportunity for them.

Argh - or is that what I'm telling myself ? Is this selfish, given our children's ages? I don't know, I'm so conflicted.

For context, I currently earn just north of 100k, DH is on 200K, both plus benefits and bonuses. This would obviously take me to a new level, and the equity is not insignificant.

But there's also a part of me that feels really validated and seen by this. Which makes me question, is this an ego move for me to the detriment of our family?

But also, is what we do as women? I'm pretty sure men would never go through this long dark teatime. They'd just say YES wouldn't they?

How old are your children? Are they at university still?

18 & 19, one at uni studying physics, one doing culinary school

So both still very much tied to us. Not yet independent.

Our house here would definitely be a base.

H1B visa? Companies still offer them but they are very hard to get these days. Trump clamped down hard on them. Don't make any plans to you have an appointment with an immigration lawyer. Also have a serious look at rental costs and traffic, prices are insane.
Kids being 18+ is hard. They can come with you now but would need their own visa once they are 21. And that distance is a killer, my DF is in the Bay area and we almost never see him and now flights are getting more expensive.

H1B visa no doubt. It's one the big tech companies. They've offered me a smooth transition on their dime.

It's the children's ages that is really giving me pause.

I can see why this is such a tricky decision then. I don’t know what I’d do in your position TBH. Could you have a very low key chat with the kids to try to sound out how they’d feel if you went, maybe presenting it as a hypothetical scenario?