Possible relocation to SF.

[MyBeautifulRaven]

Any advice from US base MNetters, particularly West Coast.

I've had an approach from a tech company - $380k base with a very attractive equity package. It would mean a relocation to the Bay area, which is what gives me pause. I'm very happy with my life here, our children are in the process of fledging so it feels like an odd time to relocate. On the other hand, it feels like an incredible opportunity, especially at my age. DH works for a US company already, albeit in a remote role, but it means his hours would align nicely so no problem there.

Ugh, any thoughts?

I think that's good advice. Chats, from a neutral posistion.

How does DH feel about it?

He's thrilled! Genuinely has been telling me for years that this is my tech space, and to see it recognised is very nice for him.

And obviously, he loves his wife and doesn't feel threatened by me in any way...

The earthquake risk alone would put me off.

There is that.

SF is amazing! I would go for it!

Obviously it's an ostensibly brilliant approach.

No complications? I'm there.

But my complications are manifest...

It also feels ironic because I'm very hard-line no-harm. Which is one of the reasons I was approached. And accepting the job feels like harm.

I've answered my own question. I can't ethically do it. It's an open offer, I can circle round. But now? No.

Life eh?

So a lot to unpack here.

i live abroad so understand what it is to be away from family….some of my thoughts….

You visa isn’t guaranteed. The company may be able to provide a smooth transition but the US government sure won’t. The have been actively discouraging immigration to Silicon Valley. Very difficult to get a visa for you let alone your husband.

You husband working will take time and he will have to enter the country on a working visa so you may be split for while as he waits at home for his to be granted (if it is). If he has applied for an working visa and enters the US they could deny him knowing his true intentions. . Again visas are hard to come by - I wouldn’t count on this.

SF is extraordinarily expensive. A lot of people with a ton of money live there so rent and costs are very very high. It is also difficult to find somewhere to live as housing is in high demand. Your salary may seem high but I would figure it out on an expat calculator - you won’t be as well off as you think.

It would be naive to not consider the current political situation. There is no amount of money that you could pay me to live there right now. None. Gun crime is real.

Culturally it is VERY different to the UK and a lot of people struggle to settle. I would suggest you join an expat grouo online. Homesickness is a killer and shouldn’t be underestimated.

The city has extreme wealth and extreme poverty. There is a serious homeless problem including vast tent cities.

Weather isn’t awesome - normally around 15 and misty (England anyone? 😂).

Make certain you get an amazing amount of healthcare coverage through your package. Otherwise any illness could be thousands out of your pocket even for things like deductibles.

Public transport is poor so you will each have to have a car as you will need to drive everywhere. Car insurance is much higher in the US than in the Uk. We are talking like $500 a month EACH. And you will have to change your UK license for a California license almost immediately.

Check your holiday too. Standard is two weeks a year and you can’t take any until you have accrued it. Work culture is different and Americans have an always on mentality. You may get personal days a year for example which are used as sick days if you get ill.

I think you really need to think about the whole picture as you seem a bit stars in your eyes for a lot more money and big adventure.

The culinary school child could come on your visa and study in SF, I'd imagine there are some extraordinary opportunities there and it would give them time to apply for their own visa if they wanted to stay. Does the University child live away? That may not be too big a deal right now, but would be harder in a few years, but H1B only last 6 years now don't they?

Ah, it was top-tier health coverage for me and all dependents, holidays six weeks, and also a 'work when you want' culture.

i did think Culinary daughter may benefit from a Bay location

I don't drive and have always lived centrally.

We went to the East coast when my DH and I were 52, the youngest had just finished Uni and 2 were still living at home.

It was brilliant for 4 years (was supposed to be 2 years). We skied, sailed and explored and enjoyed our time again as a couple.

The kids came out to visit and we kept in touch with regular Skype.

If the money works out OK then the life experience is definitely worth it.

I live in another part of the US and have relatives in the Bay Area. The COL is astounding and SF itself isn’t what it used to be. As @OccasionalHope says, the street homelessness is appalling, California as a whole isn’t well run.

But, the natural beauty is stunning and as someone your age (52 later this year), I think I’d grab the opportunity to do this now, because it may not come around again. CA is extremely liberal so I wouldn’t be too concerned about politics.

In your shoes, I’d mentally commit for two years and possibly extend tif you love it. Come home by 60.

My thoughts would be to go for it! Congratulations! How cool to be headhunted like that. Gives me some hope for the future as a woman of 43.

My advise would be to take a phased approach to the move. You go first, settle in to the job and a new place and your husband stays home for now. Depending on the children’s needs and what milestones they are on path for (finishing uni or college or whatever) that could be six months or another academic year. During this time you spend holidays together, either they all come over or you go home. That will make the change less either or (no parents or both parents).

With a new high powered job you will likely be quite caught up in the work for the first 6-12 months anyway, I know I would and that I would be feeling guilty if I put in very long hours and my husband sat around waiting for me.

I would also consider the stability! It sounds amazing as a package but lay offs in America are much quicker than here and much less protection , a colleague relocated for an amazing deal only to find redundancy after just a few months and they had left a long term stable career with many years service for the move

I wouldn't rule it out on ethical grounds without talking to your children. They may love the thought of uni/college holidays out there, and be excited and proud for your opportunity. And since you can afford to retain your property in the UK, they wouldn't be jerked away from the home they grew up in, either.
The timing clearly doesn't feel ideal to you, but if it had been in the past 5 years, that timing would be worse, no? Because it would have disrupted their GCSE's/A levels. And with parents in their 80s, surely 5 years time is likely to be worse? And in ten years times you could well be becoming grandparents, so that would be worse, too.
Sounds to me like it's about as ideal as the timing could be, given the constraints of a family...

Congrats OP! Sounds amazing and like you 100 per cent deserve this!
It is exactly what I dream of happening to me when my youngest is 18.

This is going to be long but I've lived in SF for 14 years and am slightly agog at some of the misinformation on this thread.

Yes COL is high but no worse than London. On your salary alone you would be very comfortable, but as you have DH's salary as well you will be fine.

We have a homelessness problem but it is no worse than any other major city on the West Coast and in fact I find the homelessness in LA and San Diego to be way more alarming and aggressive.

Public transport is fine and traffic is awful. We don't have and have never had a car here and it's completely workable - we rent a car or a Zipcar as needed but couldn't possibly spend as much on Lyft, Waymos or taxis as it would cost to have and park a car.

Our weather is gorgeous much of the time - yes summer is foggy when it's hot inland but generally speaking in spring and autumn it's around 20 - 25 degrees and sunny with a light breeze. We never have days and days of grey cloud.

I've been through lots of earthquakes now and we've never had any damage or had to evacuate. We have a go-bag and an evacuation plan and otherwise I don't think about it, I'm more likely to get run over by our lunatic drivers.

It's the most beautiful place I've ever lived and if you're at all outdoorsy you will love it.

Obviously I can't speak to how the children would react but you might find they'd be delighted to have holidays on the West Coast!

Two things would worry me - ethics and a potential commute. I struggle to think of a big tech company I'd be happy to work with from an ethics point of view. Palantir, Meta, Open AI - definitely not.

And if they're based on the peninsula and you would have to commute in, that's a nightmare. Only exception would be if they provide a tech bus to work but they are few and far between these days.

If this is helpful feel free to ask me anything or PM me.

Can you learn to drive? As PP said the tech companies aren't in the city mostly and transport out there is tricky.

Go for it! What an incredible opportunity. Life is short!

I’ve lived in San Francisco for the last 25 yrs. Intending to stay for three years, but still here. It is one of the greatest cities in the world. Please do not believe the rubbish written in the Daily Mail. Yes, like all cities it has issues, but no different to most cities in the UK. I still feel very safe here.
The city is currently going through a massive growth phase with the AI boom.
i work for a large relocation company, so please feel free to PM me any questions.
Your company will work with you to make the transition straightforward. Visas, taxes, shipping and housing is taken care of.
If your family home / adult children are relatively close to LHR the journey to and from SFO is surprisingly easy. Usually seven daily flights and well timed.
This is an amazing opportunity, timing is never perfect, but I guarantee that your time here will go by in a flash.
Please feel free to ask me questions. Please forgive any typos, currently in the car driving through the Napa valley.