What would you do? Overseas move

[Cherasy]

Situation is this - my DH and I have both been offered well paid, good jobs in Kuala Lumpur. Both opportunities are exciting for us from a work perspective, and as individuals we love to travel and adventure. However we have 2 DC - a 13 year old DD currently in y8 and a 10 year old DS currently in y6. This move includes school fees fully paid for at the top British international school in KL, plus accommodation allowance.

We would be better off in KL financially, but our life here is also objectively quite good. We have reasonable jobs and pay (but doesn’t stretch too far in the SE of England!), my job I don’t love but it’s okay, DH likes his but there’s a possibility the London office will close in the next few years and he will need to find another job. Right now we have no major struggles and DCs go to good state schools. We have a nice house and the kids have friends. They are both into a sporting hobby, but this is very well catered for in KL and in fact this international school is known for it.

I know that it a tricky time to move, especially for DD but in my mind the positives would outweigh the negatives, and the experiences we could give them would be unachievable here. I’m aware of the uni fees rule - we have lived abroad before and have seen many ways round it so not too concerned but would be prepared to pay if needed. I suppose my question is am I being utterly unreasonable to my DC at this stage of their life? There’s a bit of now or never about this - I wouldn’t move DD after year 9 due to gcse choices and if we wait till they’re both grown I don’t think it’ll happen as we will be a fair bit older and so will our parents. But I am prepared to hear that this isn’t fair, or alternatively those who have done similar and had a good experience. I’m sure I’m going to get called selfish, but I have not actually done anything yet other than receive the job offer!

I'd do it. Amazing opportunity to experience something different and huge increase in quality of life

thanks @Whyherewego, this is also my gut feeling on it but I don’t know if I’m being a bit idealistic and it’s too much to expect of a 13 year old

What do your children think of the idea? It sounds like a wonderful adventure, but I'd be very cautious disrupting the education and social life of children of that age. Is the school in KL much better than their current school (results)?

We haven’t floated it with them yet - I think the initial reaction would be mixed but we would be offering to take them out for a week soon-ish to visit the school and see how they feel.
the international school has slightly better results but the a school DD is at and DS would start is a decent comp. Facilities and sport wise the international school blows the local school out the water - no comparison!

Go.

Why are you even hesitating?

Go and don't look back.

I grew up abroad and I am eternally grateful for the life lens it gave me along with access to stuff I wouldn't have had otherwise.
I also moved my family to Asia for a few years. Our DC were a bit younger than yours but again, absolutely incredible opportunity for them and thy also are grateful for it.
Older DC tend to be more worried about friendships but these days it's easier to maintain these. Growing up in a community like that, we had plenty of families come and go so you ended up being less closed on friendship groups than it seems like for my Dc now in the UK.
Honestly it seems like an amazing opportunity for you as a family

@Whyherewegothank you for the personal reflection, it’s helpful to know you valued your experience. I truly think it would be a great opportunity for all of us but I am also mindful that my DC are settled well enough here and it’s potentially rocking their boats. But I don’t think these stars would align again at the right time!

Definitely go for it - like you say, there's the 'deadline' of year 9 for your child. Is there a fixed term contract - eg. will you be back in the UK for her to enrol in UK universities at home fees...? I know that we have friends who 'returned' to the UK for year 9/10 to ensure that their oldest child would qualify for UK fees. But if you say it doesn't really matter, then I'd definitely go.

I think it'll be a fantastic adventure and it's a safe country.

I would take your kids for a week and see how you get on! You’ll soon know whey you get there!!

Definitely go, what an amazing opportunity. I wish something like this would happen to me. UK is just going further and further downhill. If you don't go I'll be so upset 🤣 (I'm very jealous) your kids will adapt

My contract is fixed but easy to renew as long as I’m not rubbish! The home fee thing is a slight risk, but I lived in Singapore years ago and there were ways you could still get home fees if you kept your house, visited often and kept proof, and had evidence of fixed term work. So it’s a dice I think I can roll …

😅😅 thank you. It does feel a bit like the UK is a trickier place to live now, but conscious that in the grand scheme of things I’ve got a decent life here. If my kids were younger I’d be on the plane without hesitation but I do worry about them settling - I don’t want them hating on me for life 😅

I do often think I wish my parents had had this kind of opportunity when I was young though - seems like a cool adventure and it’s going to be a struggle to pass up. But I don’t want to be selfish

Absolutely do it! I have friends who did this a good few years ago. They loved living in Kuala Lumper. The children excelled in school, smaller classes. If I was younger I grab a job like this!

What exactly is it that you think it would give your children over and above the lives you now have, other than you getting paid more?

What do your kids think?

Mine are the same age and neither would be happy with the idea, mainly as they wouldn’t want to leave their friends. My y6 would probably be ok with it as she’s moving schools anyway, but not if all her friends were moving to the same senior school. However yours may be more open minded!

It doesn’t sound like your quality of life would be dramatically improved? Or would you be able to save a lot and therefore improve life later?

Go. It's a great city for a family. I'd leap at the chance. (In fact, are there any more jobs going??!)

A school with amazing facilities, trips and sporting opportunities. Affordable travel to incredible countries such as Thailand, Vietnam and Sri Lanka. A multicultural cohort of friends to broaden their perspectives and global mindset. More opportunity for us to save for their future and help them, as we will be able to pay off our mortgage within a couple of years.

I grew up in KL. we spent 5 years there as a family in late 70s/early 80s because of my father’s job. Obviously it was a long time ago and I was slightly younger than your kids (I was there between the ages of 8-13) but I still look back at that period of my life with huge fondness. If I was you, I would do it. I am nothing but grateful to my parents for giving me a world view and opportunities I probably wouldn’t have had if I’d spent my whole childhood in UK.

To address the previous poster, I’d think the children would get an excellent education in a forward looking growth economy with low crime and functional healthcare.

However, I’d be doing some research about the Nipah virus and keeping an eye on its spread. It’s worrying. Maybe look at how Indonesia coped with covid - I have no idea.

Kids at international schools tend to be more welcoming to new students, as they know about, and have often themselves experienced moving schools mid year. The schools are usually well set up to help new students settle in. It sounds like a great opportunity for you and your children and a good time to make the move.

I also grew up abroad (HK) and would take up an opportunity like this in a heartbeat but for family ties in the UK.
Now that my parents and in laws are older, I couldn’t move that far away. Not just for their needs but also because I know how much they value their relationship with my children (and vice versa).
Of course so many families manage it (or don’t have any elderly relatives or a great relationship with them), and technology helps with keeping in contact, but for me it was a driving reason for not pursuing opportunities abroad. It is a big regret though at the same time!

Well, KL itself is a dull, mall-infested urban sprawl, and I'd look very carefully at the school, as lots of Brits seem to be dazzled by 'facilities' to the exclusion of all else. Absolutely to the travel opportunities, but how often will you be able to avail of those -- what is your AL entitlement like? And your working life in general?

I'm just saying to investigate what your day-to-day lives would be like.

And whether you would see this as a matter of a few years, or a potentially permanent move? For me, having moved DS to a new country aged eight just before Covid, a key thing would be where I wanted my children to grow up and form their sense of self.

I actually really like KL having visited a number of times when I lived in Singapore, but I can see why others might not.
The school has been very carefully researched - I know there are many poor ones in Asia but this is the top British non-profit in the city.
I take your points on board about sense of self etc though.

Tricky isn’t it. Totally get this. We both have 1 parent in the UK both early seventies. They would support this as adventurers themselves! But of course we would all miss each other