Should I relocate to Monaco with 16 year old twin boys

[Enna0105]

My partner and I have been together for eight years. He recently moved to Monaco for tax purposes. We have a five-year-old daughter, and I also have 15-year-old twin sons from a previous relationship. We're currently managing a long-distance relationship with regular visits to Monaco. My primary reason for staying in the UK is to allow my twins to complete their GCSEs next year. However, I'm considering relocating the entire family to Monaco afterwards. My twins are resistant to the idea, but I'm increasingly concerned about safety and the overall quality of life in the UK. I believe Monaco, with its better climate and international schools, would offer them a more secure and enriching environment for their college years. Would it be selfish of me to prioritize this move despite my sons' reluctance?"

Yes I think pretty selfish if they don't want to go! I'd also put good money on if you force it, them choosing a uni and life in the UK and you essentially having chosen your partner over them.

I would give it time op, my dd in year 10 would've said absolutely not, but in year 11 she would've said yes please. Kids change very quickly. Have you sat them down and given them the reasons why?

No way would I do this to them

'He recently moved to Monaco for tax purposes'

Lovely...

I would prioritise my kids over any man especially one who will do anything, including moving and causing a family split in the process, just so that he can avoid contributing to society.

The boys don't like change unfortunately so it's unlikely they will change their minds.

Monaco is as dull as dishwater. Your partner doesn't sound like a good one either....money over family life. He chose money.

It would be selfish to uproot your twins, why not wait until they are independent?

And relocating for tax purposes?! WTF

Does he have the money and will to pay for International schools? They are very expensive. British kids often struggle moving after GCSEs as they think school is over and plan to be off to college with more freedom. They won't get that in International Schools.

Your partner doesn't respect you.

He values money more than you and your sons. Your sons recognise this.

Your sons have lives, friends and probably family here and have ideas about their future in the UK.

You are not considering them at all. Your priorities are yourself, your partner, your daughter and then your sons firmly at the bottom of the list.

This is why they will dig their heels in.

Unless they change their minds I would wait until after their A levels.

They’d only be there 2 years before setting off for Uni.

If you move would they be able to become citizens / residents? And stay after they are 18 if they chose to?

Yes of course it would be completely selfish, I'm amazed you even have to ask. He's just up and swanned off for financial gain and you want to run after him dragging your 2 kids away from everything they know in their most important years. Does he not care that he's had to leave his DD? He sounds like an awful man. gone just to cheat the system.

You’ve got just over two years until they finish A Levels and go to uni or work. Can’t you wait?

Also check out what that might mean to uni fees if they’re classed as overseas students if you’re living in Monaco.

It’s not miles away - you can see DP every weekend if you want.

Uprooted because of your DP’s tax status ?

All of the above. Don't get me started on the tax dodging over family life

Wait until they are 18, that is only just over 3 years. I have a DS the same age, no way would I do this.

Move to monaco but marry the guy. Otherwise you will be unpaid maid, etc. your children after GCSE’s should stop being selfish. Plenty of kids born to migrants have no say or choice in where they go. Your kids are just selfish. Enjoy the green eyed bats telling you how awful you are @Enna0105

It sounds like your DSs are happy and thriving where they are.

You want to move because it would be easier for you and your DD, you need to own that decision, not pull out nebulous concerns about "safety" and "quality of life". You're not even married to this man and if you moved you would presumably be reliant on him to pay for this better education.

I agree with others, you have 2 more years to go to get through A Levels. Stay in the UK until your sons have finished their education.

Echo what others have said - tax dodging over spending time with you and his child and step-children 🙄

Why would you chase after a man who doesn't want to live with his own daughter because it's financially not in his interests?!

You are the nanny. Not the partner. It's not an equal relationship.

You’ve got 2 to 3 years left til they are 18. The question is the wealth your partner has is not theirs and so are you putting them in a situation that means they will have unrealistic expectations of the sort of life they will be able to fulfil with hard work? They have an identity, friends and goals in their life here why would you take that away from them knowing they don’t want to go.

If they don’t want to go and you have a choice to respect their wishes why would you prioritise yourself over that?

They may change their mind but if they don’t and they have a plan for their future why jeopardise that unless absolutely necessary?

Your partner sounds seedy too leaving his family just to avoid tax.

Are you at least married or are you not valuable enough to be his wife?

Thanks for your responses. To make it clear I will be choosing my son’s choices over anything. It was merely to get other views on the matter.

We lived abroad (not for tax purposes) our DC wanted to return to the UK as the country we lived in was so difficult to get into medical school. We made the move back to the UK, it was hard but we did it.

They are now second year medical students and loving it, loving their life and have plans for their future.

We will move abroad again in the future but it is so rewarding seeing your DC set their own goals and steering their own lives.

I would be proud if my DC knew their own mind at 15. How easy would it be for them to say sure I will go and live with the rich guy in Monaco but no they have their own ideas about their life and what they want to achieve. This is a reflection of their good character. Of course if they change their mind that’s fine too but for now I would listen to what they want.

Stay put OP, Monaco is wealth driven, very few people are actually born and bred there, it’s transient and all about money and power, not the real world. Keep your children grounded and surrounded by the emotional networks of family and friends. They can spend time visiting Monaco and have a bit of glitz and jazz, squished cheek by jowl between the edge of the sea and motorway that splits it from the mountains and once adults, make their own choices as to where to live. Your bigger problem is your 5 year old and her future

Would your sons consider finishing their education at a UK boarding school?

Your husband has left you and your child - you are facilitating contact by visiting. Should you now uproot your older children to follow a man who has left you all behind? Does the older children's father have an opinion on you moving them?

Your daughter's father deliberately chose to live in a different country from her?
He has also been in your sons' lives for a long time.

Are you not questioning his character?