Should I relocate to Monaco with 16 year old twin boys

[Enna0105]

My partner and I have been together for eight years. He recently moved to Monaco for tax purposes. We have a five-year-old daughter, and I also have 15-year-old twin sons from a previous relationship. We're currently managing a long-distance relationship with regular visits to Monaco. My primary reason for staying in the UK is to allow my twins to complete their GCSEs next year. However, I'm considering relocating the entire family to Monaco afterwards. My twins are resistant to the idea, but I'm increasingly concerned about safety and the overall quality of life in the UK. I believe Monaco, with its better climate and international schools, would offer them a more secure and enriching environment for their college years. Would it be selfish of me to prioritize this move despite my sons' reluctance?"

This is so odd. He’d prefer to save money on taxes than live with his partner and five year old!

It’s a shame your other half has so little regard he unilaterally emigrated but sometimes you have to play with the hand your dealt

while you need to prioritise your children you do also need to think of your daughter who is 5…They will be 16.

if he is will to commit - either via marriage or by gifting you £X or buying a property in your name in the uk etc to ensure your Dd and you are financially secure. I’d consider moving and look at boarding now now as you don’t have much time. I’d do this if twins were on board mad open to it.

you then need to commit to visiting regularly and/or ferrying them out to Monaco for long weekends.

I’ll reiterate the unilateral emigration is a total dick move and I feel sorry for your Dd who has been dumped for tax efficiency purposes

I would not uproot my kids for a man that has chosen money over time with his 5 year old DD. Also, if your older kids would like to go to uni in the UK they will need to pay international fees if you move them away now I believe. I remember reading somewhere that you have to live in the UK for the three years leading up to uni if you want to be considered a "local" student (can't remember the precise term).

There's no way I'd uproot two 16 year olds against their will. That's very selfish. I'd wait a few more years and then move when they're living independently.

From a practical point of view only:

DO NOT FOLLOW DP ANYWHERE WITHOUT BEING MARRIED it leaves you in an incredibly vulnerable position should the relationship break down. Even if married should the relationship fail and habitual residence has been established for DD you can't leave with her unless he agrees.

Moving will mean there's little chance of home status and student loans for the boys should they go to uni in the UK. Both they and you need to be UK resident for the three years prior for you not to be rolling the dice on this. Depending on course for international fees and living costs you could be looking at funding at least £30k each per year, more for some courses.

The point about university fees is VERY valid and not one I’d thought of…. You could really be shafting the twins on the uni fees….

Yes go. Please dont come back when you need the NHS though

Making your sons abandon (I’m assuming) decent friendships for two years in Monaco in a school with probably quite a transient population isn’t great. When they come ‘home’ from uni, wherever that is, to see you in Monaco, the chances are that they will have no friends there as the majority of their school friends will have returned to their ‘own’ countries. I speak from experience (I work in an international school with few local families and our alumni rarely return here despite it being a popular location).

It could be a lonely existence for a young adult at a time when it’s good to have ‘old’ friends around as well as new uni friends.

Did you not have a serious conversation about this before your partner moved to a different country to his five year old?

This guy 100% is shagging about.

He gets 'tax breaks', is off the hook for childcare and gets to be permanent Disney dad AND he's free to shag about at will.

Can I move to Monaco?

will he still be exploring his love of tantric sex massage parlours if you move over there Op?

Why would you follow this man...he's made it clear he prioritises money over you and your shared child. What sort of a father does that.

Well said!

Mentioned before but if you all leave the UK, your boys will lose their UK status for uni and will have to pay international fees and fund their own living costs. So you may end up needing to pay around £35-40k per annum per student. Presumably your other half is rich but if you don’t have your own money you need to work out how you would fund this.

I’ve lived abroad in a few different countries and loved it- in general I’d say go for it- but it doesn’t sound the right time for your family. Wait a couple of years. Not commenting on the wisdom of
uprooting yourself when you’re not married as that depends on all sorts of things.

I would move and I understand why your partner wants to move too. I would let the boys finish their education and move then. The UK is not the place it was and for young people it’s really bad. I would move if I could.

Get married

Make a financial assessment for the next 20 years based on your daughters age and needs including education, same for your older sons, and then for your own happiness.

Monaco and the south of France are very nice if you’re rich is enough (is he rich enough, or is he just scraping by, in Monte Carlo terms? Restaurant rich or Yacht rich?)

If your assessment on all the above is positive and you get married then it might be very nice to move to Monaco in two years time. It’s only a easyJet hop to the UK. Good luck!

I wonder how many other kids there are? I'd bet he only gives financial support to the women who don't complain. 'Tax reasons' are also useful for not paying maintenance.

He's screwing you and has potential to screw you over even more whilst he's free to screw whoever he wants.

I’ve been twice and don’t like it, very overrated. It has a huge amount of traffic as well.

The fact your partner of eight years has sauntered off to another country without considering you and your family would be the end of it for me. Your kids are more important than him, or they should be.

I hope this isn't real.

Well, as far as I’m aware, if the OP is British, post-Brexit she now needs to apply for residency in France first, before fulfilling the specific Monagesque requirements.

I’m not entirely sure how safe Monaco is. I spent a long time on a train there last summer whilst the police were chasing men/boys who were in trouble. Just from that one experience, I wouldn’t particularly want to live there. I suppose it depends on what they’re leaving behind.

How can you love, respect or be attracted to a man who has moved to a different country away from his own daughter... to pay less tax?

What a wanker.

I believe that the twins being in boarding school does not count as UK resident for uni application/fee purposes, even where the applicant is a UK citizen - their parent has to be UK resident and they have to have a UK home address for 3 years prior to applying (perhaps they can live with their father - he’s not mentioned here). But if I were them, I’d probably not speak to my mother ever again if she abandoned me in the UK boarding school system to go and live with her boyfriend overseas because he’s trying to reduce his tax obligations.

I say this as a family where my DH was recently offered a job (two in fact) overseas that would have provided the same opportunity to reduce our tax bill. DS is in Y1 of A Levels and DD is due to start uni in September. It made no financial sense to risk their UK residency status at this stage, so we agreed that as he didn’t really fancy living alone for 2 years until I could get there, that he’d suck up the tax hike until youngest has started and then we’ll regroup. However, the children are his, so the cost benefit analysis of £100k per year (for 2 overseas fees and living accommodation, flights etc) for 3 years versus how much more money he’d earn after pay raise and lower/no taxes didn’t make sense.

In this case, OPs BF [he’s hardly a partner any more if he’s effed off overseas] has no legal responsibility for her twins, so has effectively washed his hands of them. This would be enough for me to bin him, frankly.

Please don't do this
Dump them somewhere to be raised by people getting paid to do so while you F off to Monaco with their younger half sibling?
That would tell your sons exactly how important they are to you.
Wait until they are at least 18 or 19. I say 19 because if they go to Uni give them a bit of time to settle before you leave

You've not said what industry he works in or what nationality he is. If FS then a fairly common move to be frank. You also haven't mentioned the boys father who will have some say about this.

I do know someone who did similar to what you are proposing. Moved a long way overseas when their child was 16 to start a new life with a partner. Child had to live with dad and step siblings when there hadn't been a lot of prior involvement. Child eventually moved out to new country, went to uni, met someone. Then mum and partner moved back to UK after about 10 years. Child got married last year in the uk but refused to have any of his family at the wedding, and will permanently live in the new country. Mum still can't understand the issue.