Where to live - France or London

[Almondmilk]

Hello all,
first of all, sorry for the ramble if someone recognise my eternal dilemma.

I am French, my husband is Swedish, we met in London where we lived for several years. We now live in Stockholm with our child. After several years of trying I still can't imagine myself living longer here. I don't like the introvert culture and the climate.

Now, there are two options:
-me finding a job in France and settling in a smaller town where we know no one. Climate will be better, school is free and access to other countries, some friends in other cities and family not too far. But still a quiet life. As for husband not sure what he will do.
-me moving my business to London or a city nearby. Friends and week-end social opportunities, not far from France, climate is much better than in Sweden, husband can find some work. Big problem: finding housing without a stable income.

I talk to friends and family but no one can really help me to see clearer. It would be easier to move to France but I am worried to get bored there or to have a stay at home husband.
I thought maybe someone here could give me an opinion.

Again, if you have read about this dilemma, be kind, it's been too long that I am stuck with the problem...

cheers

Will you be able to live in the UK, if neither of you are UK citizens? How easy is “moving your business” to the UK? Would your DH be allowed to work? No one knows yet about visas and restrictions. France would be easier.

Where about in France? I have French inlaws & prefer the weather & pace of life in France.

@daisypond We are both Europeans. I am counting on the pre-settled status. Maybe that's naive! We both lived in England for a little less than 10 years but we left 5 years ago.

@mochojoes where I find a job. If I could choose the area I would pick Aix en Provence, Lyon, Pays Basque or Bretagne...

I'm concerned about the social life though.

I am counting on the pre-settled status. Maybe that's naive! We both lived in England for a little less than 10 years but we left 5 years ago.
You won’t be eligible for pre-settled status, because you weren’t in the UK for the five years before Brexit. There will probably be all sorts of exceptions for those with businesses, though. Does your DH have an in-demand job?

I don’t think you should move anywhere until Brexit is settled. It will probably change a lot of relationships between countries and you may find a third option that works for both of you.

France is a big country be abit more specific. Also where in London. bit difference between upton park and kessington.

Move somewhere close to Swiss border so your DH can get an English-speaking job in Switzerland. That's what I did, and I have a ton of Swedish colleagues.

Actually, I was wrong earlier. If you move to the UK before the end of the year you may be able to claim pre-settled status. Personally, I love London. But it is expensive.

@daisypond This is what I read on the gouv website: 'Pre-settled status
If you do not have 5 years’ continuous residence when you apply, you’ll usually get pre-settled status. You must have started living in the UK by 31 December 2020.'

Husband is freelancing atm. I'm hoping he could have his own business in France. In the UK it would be easy for him to get jobs.

We looked for a third place. Fi, we visited Berlin but didn't fall for it. Also, I don't think I could deal with another language. @GrumpyHoonMain

@KatharinaRosalie that's interesting

@june2007 you are right. Medium town ideally in the South of France...or a small town outside London on the coast probably.
I know there are a lot of Swedes in Nice France and in Brighton there is a school.

@daisypond no worries. I found out about this recently. I love London and londoners. Where do you live?

I was of course assuming your husband is not fluent French speaker. English speaking jobs in France are rare. Not a problem in Switzerland.

Do you have any family or friends in France?

Have you thought about Brussels? French and (unofficially) English speaking, and a fair amount of work opportunities plus housing similar to London in architecture but much cheaper and plenty of parks. Well connected by train to France and UK

Loads of mixed couples it’s completely the norm (and I’ve lived for several years in each of those three countries BE, FR and UK)

Also finding a job in France is very difficult.

@orangers oh that's interesting! I have never considered Bruxelles. But I'm gonna look into it. It's harder to "sell" to my husband because he can justify Stockholm more.

@mochojoes yes I have some family in France and friends in different cities.

@KatharinaRosalie Husband doesn't speak French but understands fairly well.

Lycee francais St Louis de Stockholm www.lfsl.net/en/ and get a job with some French company active in Sweden or as the French rep for Swedish company or some international, so you can travel a bit for your work.

I'd be very wary that if you move to France, your husband might end up feeling the same way about France that you do currently about Sweden. France is not necessarily an easy place to live if you don't speak the language.

Adding to the previous poster I would also suggest Brussels as very international in job market and activities with communities from every other European country and beyond. French is useful but English is widely used and for Flanders Dutch also. A number of Swedish organisations have offices in Brussels, Swedish school in Waterloo as well as section in EEB, Swedish church, Swedish food shop etc

@Scottishhills My kid goes to a french preschool and work with french language. It doesn't change my view on behaviour here and bad climate.

@graywall Sure but he isn't completely against moving. His social life isn't amazing at all in Sweden. He'd be happier if I was happier.

@catmack16 Talked about Brussels to my husband and he seems less attracted than France. Ikea has the essential Swedish treats I believe!

If we lived in France there would be a better chance for our friends to come visit us too. Here in Sweden no one comes more than once.

Graywall's point is a very valid concern though, if your DH doesn't speak French. Even if he makes a massive effort to learn, it will take ages before he is fluent or comfortable. And unless you are living in a big city with many international companies, French do not generally speak English. It's no fun to sit in a dinner party where you can only smile and nod..
I've been living in France for many years, but almost all our friends are other expats working in Switzerland. It would be quite challeging for me if we were living in the middle of France and meeting other expats was not an option.

Yes, I should have added that I am somewhat biased as I have good friends who are a Swedish/French couple who met and married and had a child in a 3rd country. Then they moved to France. The Swedish partner just could not get to grips with living in France, tried to improve her French but found it really difficult and in the end they ended up moving to Sweden. But I think she was really surprised that she didn't like France having lived overseas in different countries previously and never had a problem.
I know for me personally when I moved to France, again having lived overseas elsewhere, and I had spent a huge amount of time in France previously (admittedly on holiday) I also struggled. It took me about 2 years to start to make proper French friends (rather than just passing bonjours). My French was ok - I understood most things but conversations were really difficult. I spent many a dinner party saying pretty much nothing because by the time I worked out what I wanted to say, the conversation had moved on.

I know these are just personal anecdotes and your husband might fit straight in if you moved to France, but don't underestimate the language issue.

@graywall @KatharinaRosalie
Fair points...Husband speaks italian and learned in 6 months so I am hopeful that he could learn french. But of course he would need to want that.
I don't think I would hang out with people who wouldn't male the effort to speak english for him to understand the conversation at a dinner. My family speaks a poor english and they do try anyway. I don't think I haven't seen husband laugh as much as when we have dinners together.

It's been more than 5 years that I try Sweden and I think it would be fair to try France....

But I hear your opinions for sure!

It's fair enough sure, and weather is certainly better (I have lived both in Sweden and France, so can compare). For hanging out with people, they might not necessarily be rude and unwilling to make an effort - most people in our village genuinely do not speak any English whatsoever.

Oh yes, I think it is fair enough and I love living in France now, the lifestyle is great and I have lovely French friends - I would recommend living in France to anyone as long as you're prepared to make an effort.. I was just surprised at how long it took me to adjust and integrate fully into society here. And like @KatharinaRosalie no-one speaks English where we live despite us not being that far from Paris...
Good luck with your decision!