Where to live - France or London

[Almondmilk]

Hello all,
first of all, sorry for the ramble if someone recognise my eternal dilemma.

I am French, my husband is Swedish, we met in London where we lived for several years. We now live in Stockholm with our child. After several years of trying I still can't imagine myself living longer here. I don't like the introvert culture and the climate.

Now, there are two options:
-me finding a job in France and settling in a smaller town where we know no one. Climate will be better, school is free and access to other countries, some friends in other cities and family not too far. But still a quiet life. As for husband not sure what he will do.
-me moving my business to London or a city nearby. Friends and week-end social opportunities, not far from France, climate is much better than in Sweden, husband can find some work. Big problem: finding housing without a stable income.

I talk to friends and family but no one can really help me to see clearer. It would be easier to move to France but I am worried to get bored there or to have a stay at home husband.
I thought maybe someone here could give me an opinion.

Again, if you have read about this dilemma, be kind, it's been too long that I am stuck with the problem...

cheers

@happiestwhenwithfriends thanks! :) Childcare costs much more in England but taxes are so high in Sweden that the result is the same.
Options are quite limited for food in Sweden, I know all the products available. I feel like I was spoiled with options in France or England.

We are both freelancers atm. I wouldn't mind getting a full-time job especially if that helps us to move but it's not easy.

Will PM you if I have questions, thank you!

It's going to be hard to convince my husband to move back to the UK because he feels like any other place than Stockholm is dirty and dangerous now! haha....well....

@Literallynoidea I was thinking of the area of Brighton because there is a swedish saturday school. I wouldn't want my child to go to a swedish school fulltime if we live in the UK. Thanks for your tip tho.

@Almondmilk There are several Swedish schools at the weekend for kids. For eg, I'm in North London and there is one near me every Sat morning. So no need for Brighton for that.

@happiestwhenwithfriends That's good to know. I don't know where to start and I thought maybe it would be easier to be based outside of London. Maybe not! Whatever is more attractive for my husband to accept the move...

I really urge you to check out Brussels. I'm a Londoner and I've lived in many countries but Brussels was a highlight for me. I think of it as a mini London but much better value for money, with fantastic homes, wonderful food, green and leafy, diverse and international and culturally interesting. And there are good work opportunities for English and French speakers.

@winge Oh that sounds good! Thanks! I'll put it in my plan, I should visit it though. Husband has been there once.

Wishing you well whatever you choose. I’m English and live in London but grew up in Algeria ( I call myself an English pied noir, which makes the French laugh) . Any country takes time to get used to and a bit of you stays behind in the place you leave.. I yearned not for Algeria ( life there was too complicated) but for my friends and the French language. All the best,, and one day you will see having access to these different cultures and languages as an asset, even though the choice can seem like a burden as well as an opportunity sometimes.

@whataboutbob thank you, such a kind message. "English pied noir" is a fun expression indeed!
I agree without you and I am trying to grab opportunities here while I apply to jobs in France and UK. So far I don't get any job interview so I have to accept that my plans my fail.
I can objectively see some positives in life in Stockholm but I'll never be into the traditions and the language. I'm happier when I hang with foreigners and simply try to forget about the heavy conformism.

plenty of typos sorry!

Aaah you’re welcome. I can see that Scandinavia conformism might be a bit much, not generalising ( of course!) but conforming isn’t always easy for my French friends .

I am a life-long Londoner and in the process of leaving. If I could move to my pick of anywhere in France I'd definitely do that, and retain European status and a good quality of life.

I definitely wouldn't buy in to London now. Property market is buzzing currently due to stamp duty holiday but we are due a major price shift. If commuters stay away from central London and office space stays empty/loses value, there's going to be a lot of turmoil over the next few years. Add in brexit.... no thanks.

@whataboutbob French people are not conformist for sure! France is great. But londoners...mon coeur balance!

@Babamamananarama Not sure if we would be able to buy in London. Maybe zone 5 or I'd love to live on near Brighton.

Atm I'm concerned about the second wave of covid and not being able to proceed with my research...before Brexit happens.

@Babamamananarama could you explain what you think will happen after the stamp duty cut out if buying in London?

I think London property will lose its value or at least stagnate over the next few years.

No one wants to get on the tube.
Many workers now realising they can work from home and don't need to commute in.
Gardens and space have a higher premium
London is not a great place to be in lockdown especially if you are stuck somewhere small. Remove the reasons to be in London - proximity to work and great cultural life - and there's little to justify the high prices.
I grew up in zone 4 and definitely wouldn't live in zone 5 - few facilities, just miles and miles of expensive suburbia.

@Babamamananarama you are right, thanks for your opinion. I didn't experienced the lockdown because I currently live in Sweden. Having a garden is a must if we move back to the UK. I'd be more than happy if I could go to London 1-2 per month. (Some would say "why don't you travel there once a month? It honestly takes at least 3 days for the shortest trip from Sweden).
I don't need to live there but I'd like to be closer, have an easy access, be able to go for a day trip. Maybe zone 5 was a little exaggerated. Maybe I should focus on Brightons surroundings. My appeal to London is the people. Can't find that mix anywhere else.

@Almondmilk I was just gonna write that the people makes London a great place even during lockdown and now whilst the pandemic is still ongoing. Many areas have nice green parks so to me outside space is not an issue if you choose the right place. Even when culture is at a minimum the people makes London a great place. In fact, it was even more obvious during lockdown - people looked out for each other. That's something I've never really experienced in Sweden for example.

@happiestwhenwithfriends that's also what I have heard from my friends who live in London. In Stockholm, people behave even more like ghosts since Covid. Or maybe it's the same. I feel like a total alien.

Also, I can find culture in every corner of London. No need to go to a museum for that.

Hi all, I'm just back to say that I have given up on moving back to London/Brighton. It's too much work for me to find the job, the housing, school and to drag and convince my husband who doesn't believe in the move. Not too mention that brexit and covid make things harder to achieve.
So I'm hoping to manage to get a decent job in France by next summer. Husband is being difficult with me when I want to talk about that but I feel that there is a crack and I could convince him.
I am truly sad to never live in England again but having French as a first language, at home sounds like a dream to me.
Won't be easy because the relationship is very damaged.
Thanks all for your support.

OP. Aix en Provence is an incredibly expensive area to live in

@LesLavandes I can see that housing is pretty high yes. Food, leisure and other things may not be more expensive than in Stockholm.
I'm looking at Nice too. I also like a few cities in different parts of France but husband won't be convinceable.

@Almondmilk don't be sad at not coming here - I've never felt so disillusioned or fed up as I do now and I'm trying to move away from here!! Honestly you don't want to be here with the complete pile of crap of a government we currently have. Stick to France!

@Fudgewhizz thanks for your kind words. Where would you like to move?
France is a mess too...but at least it's "home"? For me but not for husband. I miss London and Londoners so dearly.

I remember your old posts. I feel your husband is being really intransigent. You have given a lot by moving to Sweden and it is time for him to do the same and give you some years in France. It doesn't have to be forever, but who knows, maybe he will get used to the better weather, make friends and want to stay :-). If you manage to make this move then please write again and keep us all informed. I am quite envious.

I would move to London in your position. You will have to do it this year though and it is a tricky time but sometimes you need to take risks to achieve your dreams. I don’t think you will ever be happy in Sweden and your husband won’t be happy in France either. An intermediate country will be better and it is easy to travel for both of you to your home countries to see family and friends.

DH and I are both from overseas; Different continents; we have made London our home and we are both happy. I think it is unfair for him wanted you to stay in Sweden.

Nice is a hugely depressing place to live