Where to live - France or London

[Almondmilk]

Hello all,
first of all, sorry for the ramble if someone recognise my eternal dilemma.

I am French, my husband is Swedish, we met in London where we lived for several years. We now live in Stockholm with our child. After several years of trying I still can't imagine myself living longer here. I don't like the introvert culture and the climate.

Now, there are two options:
-me finding a job in France and settling in a smaller town where we know no one. Climate will be better, school is free and access to other countries, some friends in other cities and family not too far. But still a quiet life. As for husband not sure what he will do.
-me moving my business to London or a city nearby. Friends and week-end social opportunities, not far from France, climate is much better than in Sweden, husband can find some work. Big problem: finding housing without a stable income.

I talk to friends and family but no one can really help me to see clearer. It would be easier to move to France but I am worried to get bored there or to have a stay at home husband.
I thought maybe someone here could give me an opinion.

Again, if you have read about this dilemma, be kind, it's been too long that I am stuck with the problem...

cheers

Hi Almondmilk, good to hear your updates. I'm also living in my husband's home country the other side of the world from home, and hating it! I'm a European and it's hard for us to be in the new world. Anyone who has persuaded their husbands to move, give me some tips!

@Genevieva where do you live? Yes my plan would be to move there and hopefully he gets comfortable and wants to stay there. But he has to intention to initiate a move. I'd need to plan everything and sort out everything. He won't sell his flat in Sweden in order to have a place to live in france.

@Kerry987 I totally agree with you that a third country would have made sens! We lived in London for 8 years and I was the one who wanted to try Sweden. I didn't know I would get so stuck and that my husband was such a sedentary person! He doesn't like travelling anymore on top of not wanting to move anywhere.
He doesn't want to move back to London. But again, if I was able to sort out the whole move: job+bigger flat than the one we have...then maybe he would accept. Maybe! He keeps saying that it's better to have only one "loser" than two. Meaning the loser one is the one who lives abroad.
After brexit it seems impossible to move back to London to me....?...Impossible to plan that now with the current situation.

@Kerry987 part of me wants to be selfish like my husband and go back home. I don't consider France being a paradise but at least it's not a foreign country. I was so naive thinking "let's try again a foreign country".

"He keeps saying that it's better to have only one "loser" than two. Meaning the loser one is the one who lives abroad."

In that case, he should agree to move to France, right? Because you've lived in Sweden for years, you tried it and you've been unhappy. So now it's your turn to live in France and he should at least try.

You should move to a city though, for job opportunities, culture, international schools/groups etc. Lyon would be my choice but there's obviously Paris and other cities... for me the choice of location would partly depend on proximity/ease of travel to see family and friends.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy btw, it sounds as if your relationship is a major factor Would you and your husband consider couple's counselling to thrash out this issue (and others)?

Absolutely no way I'd pick this country if I had any other choice. Pick France.

You also need to factor in Brexit unfortunately.

Unless you are British nationals you can no longer settle so easily in the UK. The fact that you have lived abroad for a while also would make it harder if not impossible to claim permanent residency here.

Frankly I would also wait until the Covid situation is better before moving countries. It seems to me that Sweden is not a bad place to be right now...

I a French and British national and frankly, for all Britain's faults, I would never want to live in France again. Nice if you were retired but if you want to work it might be a different story...

Oh, I live in the UK. I don't have family in France, but I spent a lot of time there when I was young as my father was a real Francophile. One of my dearest friends lives in the South of France. I love it there. She is very lucky to have been able to make a life for her family there, with a good job, a lovely home and a way of life that is very appealing. The French school system isn't as pastoral as the British one, but she has a lovely set up with a surprisingly cosmopolitan group of friends in a relatively rural area.

We have friends in Sweden too. They moved for his work and it took years for her to feel settled. She is a vivacious person and throws herself into community ventures. So easy to get to know and like. Yet she really struggled to make any local friends at all. It is all fine now and they could easily be there until they retire, but they won't stay beyond that. We also have a friend (ex-colleague of my husband's who is Swedish). He lives in London and applied for a job back in Sweden a couple of years ago. He asked my husband to be a referee. Little did we know that this essentially involved my husband having a full on half hour interview in which he was cross questioned about his ex-colleague's personality, how he would deal with certain scenarios etc. It involved absurd conjecture and would have been illegal in the UK. My husband was vey tempted to halt the interview and say something the long the lines of "Look, he is a great candidate. He has the perfect CV for your role. He is hard working and he is nice to work with. That is all I can tell you." but he was worried this would negatively impact on his chances of getting the job so he soldiered on. Anyway, he didn't get the job and we will never know why. He is happy in London, has met a nice girl here and given up on ever moving home. Sweden's loss and our gain as far as I am concerned.

It looks like your best option is France then; at least your husband seems more on board with it; you tried Sweden already, time for him to try France.

@Kerry987 it does seem to be this way...although I left my heart in London, believe it or not. And the current events in France are scarying me. Even if I know medias are pushing it and there is danger in England too.

@Genevieva That's interesting. Your friend is probably more extrovert than me. I'm not an introvert but I am the best version of myself when surrounded by extroverts, I open up. Here people are extremely extrovert. I can understand it took a long time for your friend to feel at home.
I think that generally England has better schools than France. But now I'm comparing London with smaller cities...so that is maybe not fair.
I also don't like the idea of living somewhere no one want to retire in this place. It tells a lot to me. I'd rather live somewhere I can also picture myself being older. Not saying that London is a paradise for older people but if one is healthy it's pretty entertaining.

@Requinblanc yes absolutely, no way to move anywhere before C19 ends and brexit button is pressed. Then I can evaluate it all.
France seems to have some many problems (not to mention people are always in a bad mood!)

@AnotherEmma yes our relation is pretty broken. And yes we probably need councelling. I try to work on it but it's pretty damaged. I do believe a third place and a more exciting one would help us. And yes it should be my turn and we should move wherever I want!

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal People are not happy with England but I do still see London and South England (Brighton and surroundings) with my pinks glasses. I believe that people are friendlier and you get a lot there. Food, entertainment, opportunities...

I don't know if it's brexit deadline approaching, but, I do miss London a lot and I am reconsidering it again...(!)
I just wonder how I can ever find a place where I feel at home. I don't know what my husband would do in France..

Almondmilk If you stay in the EU then this group may be for you.
www.facebook.com/groups/704637150153964/?ref=share

Almondmilk
Sorry just remembered you are not a Brit.