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Original poster

NZ or Aussie mums online?

102 replies

vizbizz · 07/06/2007 06:19

I just need a chat, and was wondering if anyone was around at this time? I am having a low day thanks to a really difficult session with my shrink for PTSD.

OP posts:
MrsJohnCusack · 07/06/2007 06:29

I'm online just at the mo. Haven't seen you post for a while, was actually wondering if you were OK

Original poster
vizbizz · 07/06/2007 06:33

hi MrsJC, thanks for replying. I have been pretty busy with all kinds of stuff but all at home, and just feel like my life is on hold. I need to see more people in the real world I think. Have a lot of issues to get through with the shrink, and it's going to take a while, it's just today was REALLY hard.

How are you? How is the little one?

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AnnainNZ · 07/06/2007 06:41

I'm online at mo too, in between cooking some tea and watching Ready Steady Cook - how sad am I! Haven't "met" you before but hope you feeling OK.

MrsJohnCusack · 07/06/2007 06:42

do you have anyone you can talk to at all in RL? I know from having PND last time round that I absolutely have to get out and see people or my mood plummets - am trying to avoid the same thing happening this time by meeting people and doing things. have been going to a post natal adjustment Plunkett thing and nearly everyone there seems to have PND that's triggered by some sort of birth trauma, I feel like a total fraud. But shows how much it affects people!

the little one is absolutely gorgeous - such an easy-peasy baby coompared to DD

MrsJohnCusack · 07/06/2007 06:43

have you been seeing the shrink for long?

Original poster
vizbizz · 07/06/2007 06:51

hi anna, nice to meet you
it's only been several sessions so far, and today we touched on one of the really big issues for me (having another baby after the medical disasters of my first). I has left me so wound up, drained and crabby. It doesn't help that I am seeing pregnant women everywhere lately (damn baby boom).

I have the in-laws here ATM, and although they are lovely people, I know they just don't get it at all. I feel so alone, and tired and sick of the person I feel like I have become. I feel so guilty about my regrets in becoming a mother. I couldn't wait to be one, and I am lucky that he is a well and happy toddler, but I still have many many more days feeling like this was a big mistake, compared with thinking that it was all worth it. It wasn't. I still can't resume a normal relationship with DH, or do any of my favourite exercises (I can walk), I am out of a job. Easy for the shrink to say find other things to enjoy, or other ways to enjoy the things I used to.

OP posts:
Original poster
vizbizz · 07/06/2007 06:52

God, I am raving.

Am feeling down, and not being able to have sex is really starting to get to me in a huge way. I feel so unattractive and frustrated.

OP posts:
AnnainNZ · 07/06/2007 07:14

Sorry I don't have constructive advice - I haven't given birth (yet - pg with first) so it's all a bit unknown to me.

At least you are getting some counselling, I think you should be proud of yourself for that.

Having in-laws around can add t the stress, even if they are lovely it's still hard to completely relax.

DOn't feel quilty about havign regrets about becoming a mother, I know several friends of mine have felt the same and they aren't goiing through what you are. I'm sure millions of women worldwide have times it is all too much!

MrsJohnCusack · 07/06/2007 07:25

vizbizz, you have had such a crap time
I don't know what to say, but rave away.

I don't really hold with the 'it was worth it' argument people so often love to trot out - I think it's overused. of course you love your child, but clearly that doesn't correlate to the degree of disablement you're suffering being 'worth it'.

I saw you're on the CBT thread - my DH hadthat for his OCD and it was great - BUT he was sceptical at first anfd it took a while to get into it. and not everything a shrink says is neccesarily true or will work - it is bloody annoying having someone deconstruct your problems sometimes and you just want to tell them to bog off. but hopefully as it goes on you'll be able to take useful stuff away. if it's any use, I think it def gets worse before it gets better IYSWIM.

I'm rambling now - sorry. It sounds shit - rambler all you like

Original poster
vizbizz · 07/06/2007 07:33

he he. ramble away too, it's just good to get a bit of extra support.

I just jumped right into the CBT, I figured nothing ventured, nothing gained. It's so damn hard, and I am so sick of crying and feeling like crap. I know I have a lot more ahead of me with the CBT, but am willing to give it everything if it will eventually help.

Yeah, I am getting counselling. It took a LOT of pushing and complaining to get it. I imagine a lot of people give up. It's hard enough having such a hard time, but then not being heard when you ask for help is emotionally debilitating.

I want my DS to have a sibling one day, but it's terrifying to think I have to rely on a system that has let me down so consistently if I do go there again.

I am also so sick of being judged by people who have no idea what I have been through.

OP posts:
ghosty · 07/06/2007 07:38

Hi Vizzbizz ... I am online for a few minutes before I do early dinner for DCs ... it is soccer tonight so DS needs to eat by 5 otherwise he might be sick on his coach's shoes

I had PTSD (undiagnosed till pg with second child) after my first. A terrible thing to live with. My symptoms weren't as bad as yours but counselling definitely helped me ... you seem to be doing everything you can to get better so you are heading in the right direction.

I am often online during the day (I live in Melbourne) as is eidsvold, MrsJC and suzywong (when she isn't watching day time tv ) ...

Sending you sympathies and hugs ...

where are you?

Original poster
vizbizz · 07/06/2007 07:41

hi ghosty, thanks for the extra hugs. I am in christchurch. I never even heard of PTSD before last year. Thank God for mumsnet, otherwise I would probably still be undiagnosed!

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Original poster
vizbizz · 07/06/2007 07:58

I am freezing in here, I am off to warm up and have dinner with DH and inlaws (they have cooked for the last few days, what bliss!)

Thanks for support, I needed it a lot today.

OP posts:
MrsJohnCusack · 07/06/2007 08:34

yes it's farking freezing here today isn't it!

AnnainNZ · 07/06/2007 08:58

Enjoy y'dinner. I had pasta, 2 Timtams, 3 gingernuts, a Fruju, some jelly and an apple. Do you think that's a good balanced diet when 18 weeks pg? (somehow I doubt it)...

ghosty · 08/06/2007 07:37

How was your day today vizzbizz?

sibble · 08/06/2007 07:41

waht you doing on here ghosty?

sibble · 08/06/2007 07:42

where are your children?

sibble · 08/06/2007 07:52

blimey killed the thread again.....oh well will have to stop the pillow fight next door and put DS2 to bed, he's been psycho tired for the past 2 hours. Ds1 is shouting Ds2 is swearing - he's shouting bum bum - so cute but guess need to tell him bum bum is not socially acceptable. Hurry up DH, then can crack into a glass or two of Friday night Pinot! speak soon

ghosty · 08/06/2007 10:43

LOL sibble
Went off to cook dinner .... and down a large glass of red
Not at the bach this weekend?

Original poster
vizbizz · 09/06/2007 03:52

whew! it's been a busy week, but the in-laws left this morning, so things will settle into a more usual routine now I guess. Feeling sad they are gone, though have lots of other feelings popping up after the psych session the other day...as the shrink said it likely would.

Yesterday I made lots of jewellery for my sisters in law (they all have birthdays in the next couple of weeks) and sent them along with MIL, and some crystal sun-catchers for nieces and nephews...not to mention all the stuff I made for MIL. She's always giving away any jewellery she buys for herself, but only keeps what is given to her. I felt she needed some new stuff she'd keep.

My mum-in-law thought it was interesting we said we have a ghost in the house. She is a medium (but doesn't use the gift) and she told us this morning that she saw him last night. He sits in the corner of the dining room where I always thought he was (though I now know it's a male).

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ghosty · 09/06/2007 05:16

Ooooh, a ghost in the house you say?
Is he a friendly one?

The jewellery sounds nice ... do you sell it from home or to shops? That market in Christchurch seemed lovely last time I was there.

You sound a bit better since your OP ...

twentypence · 09/06/2007 06:03

Sorry I've missed you before now vizbizz.

Original poster
vizbizz · 09/06/2007 06:48

he's harmless enough, but cheeky! Every now and again things go missing for a while only to turn up later in a place you checked half a dozen times. Sometimes have to threaten with church incense to get something back!

I sell my jewellery through home parties. DH works weekends when most markets are on, and TBH this time of year would be miserable to be out in the weather all day!

A bit better today...still have far too many bad days, and far, far, far too many days where I wish I'd never had my beautiful boy. I love him, but the price has been horrendous.I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but there must be a bend in the tunnel - often I can't see the light sigh

twentypence, I haven't been on MN for a while, and have missed it. It's good to be back, chatting with women who know how it can be.

OP posts:
ghosty · 09/06/2007 07:59

How old is your beautiful boy vizbizz?

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