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Original poster

NZ or Aussie mums online?

102 replies

vizbizz · 07/06/2007 06:19

I just need a chat, and was wondering if anyone was around at this time? I am having a low day thanks to a really difficult session with my shrink for PTSD.

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Original poster
vizbizz · 13/06/2007 07:37

HI Ghosty, I know you don't mean to make me feel worse, this is just how I feel every day. I can't believe your mum said to just pull yourself together!!! It's one of the reasons I don't want to go back to Sydney to visit my family - the extended family/larger community will just drive me nuts with talk about another one....they really don't know what I have been through.
ha ha ha! Still a loon in 7 years!!! I was a loon before becoming a mum. I am too serious these days, and I would welcome a bit more loony-ness again.

NZ has good things in place???!!! I had to complain like a demon to get the help I am finally getting....and that after seeing two different psych services who didn't think I was severe enough for them to take on!!!! I can't see a bloody pregnant belly without tearing up and needing a good cry! Damn this current baby boom, I can't escape them.

Anna, I know 34 (almost 35) isn't that old but I still have to get over the PTSD, and the physical pain needs to settle. It's very similar to complex regional pain syndrome....which sometimes resolves, and sometimes doesn't. I have already resolved that CS is the ONLY way I'll consider it again, but that is also risky. Just too much to deal with at the mo to even be able to think about another without losing it. It's the issue I am dealing with at the mo with EMDR/CBT. It would be easier if I didn't want another one.

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Original poster
vizbizz · 13/06/2007 07:40

P.S I have no idea how many stitches I had. All I know is I kept tearing as they tried to stitch me up, and it took about an hour before they were done....and I am left with nerve damage in the most awful place it could possibly be.

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ghosty · 13/06/2007 07:45

Well, I felt I had good support ... but then I was largely better by the time I actually was diagnosed,
I am sorry you are having the shittiest time imaginable ... the physical side of things is bad enough without the head stuff ...
{{{{{here, have some more hugs, can't stop hugging you can I }}}}}
You are so refreshingly honest, it is so hard having to keep saying you are fine when you are not isn't it?
I think you should put the #2 baby idea on the back burner for now - concentrate on getting yourself better ... I was 29 when I had DS, 33 when I had DD and at 37 I could still have another ... you have loads of time, honestly. My sister is expecting and she is 41! Just don't worry about that now ...

AnnainNZ · 13/06/2007 07:50

God, I'm so sorry you went through what you did, it just sounds horrendous...

I know PTSD and depression aren't the same thing, but for what it's worth I went through a couple of periods of fairly severe depression a few years ago so I do know it's awful to feel so awful day after day after day after day. Plus you have ongoing physical pain, which I didnt' have. I remember thinking that I was going to feel this bad for the rest of my life and I just couldn't bear that thought. Well, obviously I didn't feel that bad for the rest of my life and I did get through to the other side of it. I think what you've been through is way worse than me, I just want you to know I really feel for you. Wouldn't wish how I felt on my worst enemy.

Anyway. DOn't have any good advice really. Thinking of you tho'

Original poster
vizbizz · 13/06/2007 07:56

I like you!!! You give me lots of hugs

I also like that you call me refreshingly honest, rather than blunt or big mouthed

I find it hard not to think about another baby. It terrifies me, but I just can't seem to stop thinking about it. I have hated this experience so much, and I guess part of the fear is that it will be so horrible again. I know it is extrememly unlikely to be so hard again, but there it is. I know I should put it out of my mind, but it's one of those nasty thoughts that just keeps creeping up on me. I guess I really want another (not just for him) but so I can enjoy motherhood, and experience what I missed this time.

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Original poster
vizbizz · 13/06/2007 07:58

thanks anna. That is how I feel. I know I won't be like this forever, but I can't see the end in sight. It's hard to see past it. You say it wasn't as bad for you...there is no gauge or measure on these things. It is horrible for anyone to experience this to any degree.

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kjaysmum · 13/06/2007 10:08

vizbizz, I'm up in Wellington and just read through your thread, I can't give any advice but just wanted to say I wish you all the stength and support you need on your road to recovery.

KaybeeandZak · 13/06/2007 19:14

I really feel for you visbizz, and how awful that you had to fight to get the help you needed.

I hope things start looking up for you soon and you can enjoy your DS

Original poster
vizbizz · 13/06/2007 22:46

thanks kjaysmum and kaybeeandzak
It's so helpful to hear some heartfelt encouragement. It means more than I can say, especially on the bad days. Off for another psych session in about half an hour. sigh

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Original poster
vizbizz · 14/06/2007 07:19

anyone know where I can get some free legal help in NZ!!!?? Unless you are unemployed, you have to pay. We don't have much money, and our bank account is in the red. (that's what you get for having a baby and living on one income when you have a mortgage). I am trying to get help with an ACC hearing to challenge a dodgy decision regarding the birth.

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AnnainNZ · 14/06/2007 08:03

All I can think of is the Citizens Advice Bureau Vizbizz. I phoned them once about a friend who had a mad stalker ex-boyfriend and they were very helpful. I think you can go in and see someone face to face too

Original poster
vizbizz · 14/06/2007 21:55

Hi Anna,

I tried them, and they just passed me some numbers for lawyers. It seems if you earn an income and aren't on a benefit, you don't get any free help. I can't afford a lawyer. If I could, I wouldn't need ACC, I could just pay for specialists myself!

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welliemum · 15/06/2007 00:45

No suggestions but that is hard vizbizz.

quokka · 15/06/2007 01:26

vizvizz why don't you appeal on here for someone to help you? If I was a lawyer and heard your story I would do it for free?! If your to embaressed to beg for help I'll start a thread for you! Someone has to be a lawyer or know one or be related to one in NZ???

MrsJohnCusack · 15/06/2007 05:21

I have been racking my brains vizzbizz but I just don't know any lawyers here - sorry...

kjaysmum · 15/06/2007 06:51

I don't know if it'll be of any help but you could look at this..www.communitylaw.org.nz

quokka · 15/06/2007 07:00

kjaysmum do you think you could ask the other mners on your kiwi thread if they know anyone who could help vizbizz? Hopefully that website might give her some help though

Original poster
vizbizz · 15/06/2007 07:04

thanks all. Community law were one of the first I contacted, but no help there either. I also tried a number of other places, but noone free.

I have had someone help me with research on the legal side of things, but she can't come with me to the mediation. DH will be home with DS (as it's in the middle of DS's nap time.) Everyone else I know who I could ask for support works and can't come. I might have to ask to postpone it, I can't face it alone. The woman who helped me compile the the notes may be able to do a phone support, but can't come.

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quokka · 15/06/2007 07:25

vizbizz when is the hearing? Can't you get someone else to look after ds or bring him along? You need a retired lawyer or someone like that to help you?

twentypence · 15/06/2007 07:34

I think ds will have to have his nap at the hearing rather than your dh not being there. If I am in ChCh at the time and not working I am happy to sit outside the hearing with a sleeping baby in a pram, or go for a walk with a non sleeping one.

Postponing is just going to increase the stress.

(Mrs JC and Ghosty can vouch for the fact that I would bring your baby back.)

Original poster
vizbizz · 15/06/2007 07:35

the meeting is wednesday afternoon, and it isn't an actual hearing but an informal mediation. Most of the people I know work, so getting someone to sit is hard to organise, and DS REALLY doesn't take to faces he doesn't know. So a sitter we don't know well is kind of out of the question unless we want him in a complete state by the time we get home.

Hmmmm...a retired lawyer would be good to take along. Someone who'd stand up and speak out for meif I got too emotional (which is likely with the CBT I am doing at the mo bringing everything out of the woodwork).

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ghosty · 15/06/2007 07:38

vizbizz ... I would trust twentypence with my baby ... honestly I would. I agree with all here, if you need the support your DH needs to be there and I would get someone to sit with DS.

quokka · 15/06/2007 07:39

don't know how your going to find one by then?! what about twentypences idea? That sounds like a good offer?

Original poster
vizbizz · 15/06/2007 07:50

I appreciate the offer twentypence, but I wonder how he's be....my in-laws were here just last week. After they had been here a week, we left DS with them (put him down for a nap, so he was only awake with them for about an hour) and went to see a movie. Once he woke up and saw we weren't here was rather a pain, and very upset until we got back. He's going through a really clingy stage at the mo. Hmmm I have one friend DS plays with once a week. I have never left him alone with them, but having his friend around might distract him enough. I just don't know.

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twentypence · 15/06/2007 08:54

I work with babies and small children and they never cry for me - I am a trained preschool music teacher - I have a way with preschoolers (apparently.) I would be right outside, or around the block. I am free Wednesday from around 1.15pm.

I also think your friend seems like a good idea. Even if he is upset when he wakes from his sleep - I think you need to remember that you are upset too and sometimes you need to come first.

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