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Original poster

NZ or Aussie mums online?

102 replies

vizbizz · 07/06/2007 06:19

I just need a chat, and was wondering if anyone was around at this time? I am having a low day thanks to a really difficult session with my shrink for PTSD.

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quokka · 15/06/2007 09:15

you can look after mine TP! Honestly vizbizz he will cope better than you most likely. I think you need your dh with you.

This may sound weird but once you have left them a few times you don't even think about it. With my first I would never leave unless bullied into it, now I left both dc and went househunting in s'pore - 12hr flight away for 5 days.

MrsJohnCusack · 15/06/2007 10:11

just vouching for twentypence as well - my children love her
and she has a great point there about putting yourself first

twentypence · 16/06/2007 00:17

Have you phoned your friend yet?

Original poster
vizbizz · 16/06/2007 01:17

haven't managed to reach her. Have left a message, and if I don't ear from her will call again later.

DH is amazing, but SOOOOO non confrontational. I really need someone who will speak out for me if I get too distressed. I am still looking at options. Fingers crossed for my friend being able to help.

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Original poster
vizbizz · 16/06/2007 01:17

Hear from her even

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twentypence · 16/06/2007 05:54

That's great that you are going to call her again. Honestly she won't mind a bit, after all I'm a complete stranger and I wouldn't mind.

Being non confrontational is probably the best thing your dh can be. He can concentrate on supporting you, and taking notes so that you have something to read back at home, and something to show to a lawyer should you need to.

Remember to take some deep breaths to your stomach before you go in, and open up your jaw as wide as it will go (you will clamp it under stress). If you need a moment say so, or take a sip of water to buy some time without having to say you need some.

Original poster
vizbizz · 16/06/2007 06:22

Still haven't got a hold of her.

Ha ha!!! DH taking notes, that'll be the day. I am not concerned about going in alone on the emotional side of it. Hell, alone at home for the last year and having to deal with all this crap alone when DH is at work is nothing new to me. He's great when he's home, but when he's at work it's just me. I am better now than I was several months ago.

I need someone who will listen to what ACC have to say and speak up if they are just full of it, or just ignoring any points I raise. I have been told they just don't give at all and are really hard-nosed all the way through these things. If it wasn't so emotional, it would be fun - I always enjoyed debating back in the old school days.

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welliemum · 16/06/2007 23:51

Lots of good advice from twentypence.

I was wondering, can you pretend to yourself that this is just a school debate? Take the emotion out, and instead just focus on listening to what they're really saying and getting them to respond to your points.

Easier said than done I'm sure - but if you've debated in the past you've got some really useful skills for this kind of situation.

Original poster
vizbizz · 17/06/2007 01:35

If I could do that I wouldn't be in such a state most days. If I wasn't still so sore, and the psych therapy was further along, maybe. Ah hell, my head is so messed up I am amazed I can get anything coherent down when writing here. I usually re-write it a few times before it is posted. Don't like my chances having to do it off the cuff.

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twentypence · 17/06/2007 20:00

What about if you could make only 3 points in the meeting what would they be. Maybe put a word limit on them.

Then write those down, taking as many tries as you need, and then make sure that you get to read out those 3 points exactly as you wrote them. Then at least whatever else happens you will have made your 3 main points and they will know they were your 3 most important things.

If it's too much you can get dh to read them word for word.

Original poster
vizbizz · 17/06/2007 21:26

I am writing a submission, it's still a bit of a mess, but it gets the main points across. The computer that had all the support info on has crashed, so that stuffed me up a lot. Without those it's a harder case to present convincingly.

I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve this karma, but it must have been bad. This year has been one disaster after another.

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twentypence · 17/06/2007 23:57

You can do it - you only have 2 more days and then you will be a step closer to resolving one of the issues which has made the last year so bad.

welliemum · 18/06/2007 00:17

I think the summary is a great idea.

Worth remembering, too, that it isn't personal for the ACC people the way it is for you. To them, it's just another day at work and anything that makes the day go easier is good.

I don't know much about the ACC but I bet their employees are just like anyone else in disliking long waffly meetings.

So if you can show them briefly and clearly what your main points are, this should straightaway put them more on your side. Maybe as twentypence suggests, reading out the 3 most important points, and then offering them the submission by way of more detail?

That way, you're in control of what is discussed as much as possible, and they get their info handed on a plate so they don't have to do too much thinking!

Original poster
vizbizz · 18/06/2007 01:11

that's pretty much what I plan to do. I just have to get my hands on the proper legislation so I can emphasise that it is all in law. Knowing ACC, they will say yes we acknowledge that you have an injury, but it doesn't meet the requirements.

Good news, my friend will mind DS for me. I just hope he doesn't get too worked up.

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twentypence · 18/06/2007 02:22

Even if he does get upset, it's a normal and understandable reaction to his mother going away for a bit, but you will be back. He has no sense of time too, so 2 mins or 2 hours is all the same to him, which works to your advantage this time.

Is it a medical misadventure claim from ACC, my friend has had a claim for this (nicked bowel when doing some gynecological surgery) and apparently it did take ages, but all got resolved in the end.

Original poster
vizbizz · 18/06/2007 02:42

yep. The ACC claim is for the birth, they are now called "treatment injury" claims. This one is so hard to get covered as ACC have clauses in place to exclude many injuries related to childbirth.

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twentypence · 18/06/2007 09:24

I had two telephone calls and a letter just because I claimed for an arm that was useless for a fortnight following a junior doctor stuffing up putting an IV line in. Given that I was already unable to work because of the illness which put me in hospital in the first place I just wanted a doctors visit and some physio covered. So I dread to think the level of detail they would go into for something complicated like a birth.

Original poster
vizbizz · 18/06/2007 21:56

yep, they claim the injury was totally the result of DS being a compound presentation, and nothing to do with treatment. There are things that can be attempted to try and shift a baby like that, but I think the midwife didn't even realise he was like that till he was on his way out. Basically hoping that I can prove that this is a case of failure to treat.

I just want to know that ACC will cover so that any treatment I need I can get immediately, rather than continuing this madness of wait a couple of weeks for a referral to go through, then wait another couple of months on a waiting list to see the next person only to be referred somewhere else again. And to get money back for some stuff I paid for on my own so I could get help sooner.

I can't help but feel that they make is a difficult process so that people get sick of trying and just drop it.

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twentypence · 19/06/2007 20:02

Good luck for this afternoon.

Original poster
vizbizz · 19/06/2007 21:14

So nervous and stressed. 2pm today!!!!!!
Yesterday got a call from person helping me with the case, and was told the written submission was already prepared, and even some supporting prior cases included. I just had to go pick it up!!!

They can't come with me, because of health. This was done for me despite the doctor telling them to quit working in the field ASAP due to really serious health issues. I took along a bottle of nice wine, but will have to think of something REALLY nice to say thanks.

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Original poster
vizbizz · 19/06/2007 21:15

Whoops! Missed that! Thanks twentypence!

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welliemum · 19/06/2007 22:38

How lovely of that person to be so helpful!

Ok, will have all my fingers crossed at 2pm for a good result!

Will you hear immediately or will they want to go away and discuss things, do you know?

twentypence · 20/06/2007 01:51

That was a really nice thing for her to do - I'll be thinking of you in an hour's time.

MrsJohnCusack · 20/06/2007 02:07

will be thinking of you at 2pm too

Original poster
vizbizz · 20/06/2007 08:37

thank you all for your positive vibes, but alas the hard-nosed line from ACC meant they didn't take it on board. They have grasped one nit-picky idea and are clinging onto it for dear life. They make it hard to begin with by forcing the claimant the prove them wrong - a particularly difficult thing to do in cases like this.

even with this result, it's a relief to have it over....even if they were so rude as to not turn up as I was told, but to just have it as a teleconference. Bottom line is that the review doesn't get cancelled by this, so it's not over. My legal helper is really angry about the stance, and seems to have dug in the heels and isn't letting it go.

Wish it was, the closure of having it acknowledged would be tremendous. Thankfully I have an appointment with the psych tomorrow, this was sooooo hard.

Again, thanks to all for your support.

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