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British parents in France, French parents in GB - what are the best/worst bits about the way the other nationality raises their kids?

159 replies

Othersideofthechannel · 09/03/2007 19:10

This is following on from the snacking debate in Food (sorry, can't make links work) and I do understand that not everyone from the same country chooses the same methods, but there are some cultural tendencies. Which one do you select/reject and why?
Anna8888 are you there?

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Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 15:55

AA - will start investigating possibility of takeover-by-stealth... The HQ is just a short bus ride from here.

frenchleave · 15/03/2007 20:50

Gosh this has got serious! Tax? Inheritance? Good point though, I still feel quite ignorant as to what would happen to my worldly possessions should I to be flattened by a newly-qualified drunk driver tomorrow

There are so many Brits in France that I'm sure some kind of proper official resource for such matters would be useful to complement the wealth of forums and websites for the other stuff.

We're pretty spread out but some kind of Mumsnet Local meet-up would be great... You can all come to mine!

Anna8888 · 15/03/2007 21:26

I'd like us all to write a book to be handed out to second-year university students in the UK about to go on their year abroad, just warning them of the pitfalls of falling in love with a French man...

frenchleave · 15/03/2007 21:35

Not forgetting the obvious exam-passing linguistic advantages! Us loved-up ones did far better in our final oral exam than the ones who went to all their lectures during their year abroad

The smart ones then dumped the boyfriend

Othersideofthechannel · 15/03/2007 21:37

That makes me really dumb then. I had an English boyfriend (mostly by correspondence) throughout my third year of my degree and then I met DH during my year out after graduating.

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frenchleave · 15/03/2007 21:54

You were obviously clever enough to pass without extra-curricular help

duchesse · 16/03/2007 14:26

Hi all! I was looking for this thread...

My children are 9, 11 and 13. The bits we've kept from my French upbringing are these:

Always eating together. I echo what others have said re veg, etc. My children have always eaten what we eat. No excessive fussiness, no weight problems, no complaints.

French bedtimes. Our children have never gone to bed earlier than 8pm. They would have been up at 6 if we'd opted for any earlier, and it just wasn't worth it.

Now that my two oldest are approaching teenagey years, I still expect them to behave like human beings. I have no intention of pandering to any kind of moronic teenaged behaviour that holds the whole family to ransom (am thinking of certain of my son's 13 year old friends), nor allow any rudeness.

Growing stuff and knowing where your food comes from.

Snacking (aaaargh!). Nope. Except when they get hope from school, and have gouter before starting homework.

No telly before homework finished.

Expect them to help out around the house. They do two days a week each as parents helpmeet. If they moan, I tell them could be a French baker's child and have to work in the shop from 7am all weekend, or a farmer's child and have to help out every hour they are not in school. That usually shuts them up.

Barbapapa, Sorcière Camomille, Astérix, Tintin. Obviously.

politeness towards other people

What I keep from my English background:

extended breastfeeding (up to 24 months with my youngest)

staying at home with them while they still need me (not that the UK is set up for easy access to the opposite scenario anyway...)

weaning when they were ready, not according to schedule

encouraging them to question everything in an open, philosophical way. Accepting that there may be many ways to do the same thing.

There are probably many more, but I have to go and walk the dog right now...

Anna8888 · 16/03/2007 14:28

duchesse - so you were brought up in France but bring your own children up in England?

PizPizPiz · 16/03/2007 16:21

Duchesse - you're my hero !

duchesse · 16/03/2007 17:37

Anna- I am English (with franco-british forbears (it gets complicated), brought up in France between the ages of 6 and 18, university in England, married to an Englisher, living in England. Parents both still live in France, sister and nephews live in France, heart still lives in France. Am coming to France in two weeks' time. Mostly work for French clients. Have my hair cut in France. Bulk buy chocolate, Ricoré and lentilles du Puy on every visit.

I kind of live mid-Channel, so to speak.

Anna8888 · 17/03/2007 09:11

duchesse - I know about that mid-Channel feeling, I'm English but was brought up in a very francophile family partly abroad, both my sister and I have French partners and bilingual/bicultural children as do some of our cousins and our lives are a real pick-and-mix of cultures.

Othersideofthechannel · 17/03/2007 18:59

Hello Duchesse,

"No telly before homework finished.

Expect them to help out around the house."

This is how I was brought up, in England with and English Mum and (not very present) Indian Dad.

Not sure this attitude is anything to do with cultural background, more just a question of parenting style.

Although, there is probably time for TV before homework when you finish school earlier (as in the UK) so perhaps TV before homework is more common in the UK.

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Indith · 17/03/2007 19:48

Good thread here!

I'm Franglaise brought up in England to a French mum and English dad. My dp is English but speaks French and loves the place though we are in England for now.

I love the sense of family in France, my French side is huge and we all know each other, in stark contrast to that I don't even know any of my dad's cousins. I much prefer the French attitude to food too and the big family meals. I was brought up in that vein and fully intend to pass the love of food over to my ds. Gouter is a great thing! I could never understand my friends at school who had tea as soon as they got home and were then expected to do homework etc and survive the evening without anymore food when I had gouter on getting home then did homework before dinner. The way of life in general I much prefer, markets and fresh food, sitting outside cafes, shops being open later....

Agree about the pants tv in France!

A cousin of mine is a midwife in France and she hates how medical and hospital led birth is there, she was very impressed with the choice we get in England and loved the fact that I had a homebirth.

Interesting to see comments on bf in public in France, last time I was in Bordeaux a baby was screaming his head off on the tram, his mother rolled her eyes, lifted her top and latched him on. Nobody batted an eyelid.

helenhismadwife · 17/03/2007 20:08

duchesse my dh comes back to the uk every 3-4 weeks usually with a list of things that I like him to bring back for me; mine includes johnsons baby bath, wet wipes, salad cream gravy granules, seriously strong cheddar and tea bags.

if you want anything from here let me know and I can get it dh to bring them over and get them couriered from my mums up to 30kgs for £5.99 next day delivery

Linnet · 18/03/2007 00:33

What is gouter?

mommajools · 18/03/2007 00:43

yes what is a gouter?

ButternutSquash · 18/03/2007 01:24

gouter is a small meal that children have when they come home after school.

Othersideofthechannel · 18/03/2007 05:56

Tradionally bread with a sweet topping (jam, chocolate) and milk. But now there is so much choice, it varies.

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Anna8888 · 18/03/2007 07:15

At the weekend, goûter is often a cake from the local boulangerie or pâtisserie - a chocolate éclair for example. In the week, it might be a pain au chocolat or pain aux raisins.

Lots of parents (or their substitutes) pick up their children from school at 4.30 and go straight to the local park/playground and give their children their goûter there on a bench and let them play for an hour before going home for bath, dinner and bed.

Anna8888 · 18/03/2007 07:21

I like your lists of things you import/export across the Channel.

On my list of imports from the UK: Dylash eyelash dye, Aussie shampoo, Start-Rite shoes, Hunter wellington boots, Tweezerman tweezers, Tate & Lyle Golden Syrup and Black Treacle, cream of tartar, suet, Sharwood's noodles

Anna8888 · 18/03/2007 07:23

Oh, and exports to the UK:

LaRochePosay hand cream; gin; macarons Ladurée, Hévin chocolates; tomme de Savoie, Saint-Félicien and Saint-Marcellin cheese

helenhismadwife · 18/03/2007 12:11

DH takes stuff back for my mum as well usually a a particular beer for my sf, pineau for his grandparents, biscuits for my mum and a face cream and other bits I cant think of at the moment.

Baked beans and Heinz tomato soup are another of our imports

duchesse · 18/03/2007 12:20

Thanks for the offer, Helen! Luckily my mother, father and sister all live in France, and make regular visits to the UK, so I have my own courier service. Also we are going there in two weeks' time, so shall stock up for the next few months.

helenhismadwife · 19/03/2007 18:50

thats so handy!!!

we also import paint, we havent managed to find a good make over here, I think Farrow and Ball sell here but we are nowhere near a stockist worse luck

Othersideofthechannel · 19/03/2007 18:55

I import colouring books. Have yet to find colouring books in France without an example to follow. I guess that comes from the keenness to colour things in the right colours that someone (was it you Duchesse?) referred to. Sorry, pedants, I mean 'to which someone referred'.
Can get proper Cheddar in the Leclerc near my office

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