Feeling anxious about DCs starting French school...

[slinkyboo]

Just wanted some words of wosdom and hand-holding, really! We've been in France a few months but DC have been at bilingual school. In Sept they are due to start at a French school. The school is very good and everyone praises it, and it is well used to expats' children as there are so many in this area.
BUT I am feeling more and more anxious about it. DCs are 6 and 4 and I cannot stop imagining theor first day and just HOW they will cope, and how lost they might feel. They understand some very basic French and I am trying to get them to watch French TV etc but my stomach wrenches when I think about leaving them there. How many days/weeks of potential tears and upset will there be???
Tell me to pull myself together...I know, I know. And no I am ansolutely not showing any of my fears to them and nor will I!

Can I ask, Bonsoir, the reason why they are adamant that they wouldn't want their own children to be put up? Not that I'm in a position to have to worry about that for mine ;), I'm just interested. Mind you, we were in the position with ds1 being a 31 December child of being a year ahead of where he would have been in the UK system because of the cut-off following the calendar year rather than the academic year. However, like you and your DP, we moved him to a British school and he went into the right year for his age, effectively repeating a year (though not really as he moved from one language to another and one system to another).

In frenchfancy 's case though, her children are already up so there doesn't seem much point then keeping them down unless they have to doubler (in which case, of course, she won't have any say in the matter). This is different from choosing not to put them up in the first place (I would have done the same as you, had the choice ever arisen for my three).

I think they all felt later in life that they had missed out on their childhood and would have preferred to spend more time doing "other things" (dependent on personality) and pursuing personal interests in order to mature in a more rounded way. That is certainly the way they have all gone with their children. French school is very intense in the lycée and prépa years and leaves little room for any kind of personal pursuits, and they felt that spending the 14-18 years in that mode was not sufficiently mind-broadening.

And, now I think about it, my sister definitely had less fun and outside interests as a teen and did less than I did - my mother was constantly worrying about her getting over tired etc when hanging out with her class mates, who were older and stronger.

Ah I see. I totally agree though. I was one of those trying to persuade OP not to put her child up. Belgian schools are also tough (dd just gone into secondary - three tests today :( ) and leave little time during the week for pursuing personal interests (well of course that depends on the child - dd's not a fast worker). However, once up and doing well (the latter being the important thing here), I wouldn't want to take them back down again.

DP repeated his troisième ie the final year of collège, before moving up to Lycée. He always says that his life was transformed by doing so - he was doing fine in the year he was in, but he relaxed when he was back in his proper year group (he had skipped grande section), among his peers.

I repeated a year moving schools when I was 7 (and I was a summer baby, in the English system, so young for my original year) and remember being rather bored because I was already reading novels, but I'm sure I wasn't very mature apart from the reading aspect.

I would agree that I would try to avoid moving up for all the reasons you give. DS1 is a September baby, and so relatively young for his year in France, whereas DS2 was born in January.

There is a huge difference in their confidence and tiredness levels and I am totally relieved that the school didn't take DS2 a year early which lots of people were pushing me to ask for.

I think there used to be an attitude in France that you "mustn't waste time" and that it was a good thing to get through school as possible.

I think now people are realising that you are then going to work your whole life (and til god knows what age!) so getting through the system and into a job as fast as possible is not necessarily a desirable thing.

I don't think there is any harm in children being a bit bored from time to time - although despite being able to read fluently at 4 when I started school, I don't remember actually being BORED and school is about so much more than just a reading level.

Of course if a child had been moved up and was happy I wouldn't be looking to move them down, but if I had the choice in the first place I certainly wouldn't go for that option.

I entirely agree with you Bonsoir. The French system is so intensively academic to the exclusion of everything else that I think if kids can take their foot off the pedal for a year, whizz through homework and have time for outside interests then so much the better. As regards my own daughter, I think girls grow up quickly enough as it is these days without having that further accelerated by being put in a class with kids a year (or even nearly two years) older.

The French school system is very heavily end-loaded. My DSSs were really bored and under-occupied at French (state) primary, which was why I have never had any qualms about putting DD in a bilingual sous contrat school, with all the extra workload it entails, and enrolling her in plenty of extra-curricular activities. I know, too, that when she gets to 15 she will leave the house at 7.15 am and get home at 18.30 and life will be no fun at all during term time

DH jumped a year in primary, got his Bac at 17 but before starting on higher education he went to live in a different country for a year becoming fluent in the language of that country and took lots of practical classes in the senior school there (typing, car maintenance etc)
It worked out well for him.

We have meeting at school tomorrow to discuss DD and the school's plan for her ie keeping her in CP but with extra work. I am also going to ask about playground stuff as she has cried at home every morning so far, really sobbing and saying she does not want to go I feel wretched as a mother that I'm putting her through this. Has anyone else had it go on for 3 weeks and longer???

The other thing to bear in mind is that a child's marks in the bac (indeed, throughout première and terminale) are increasingly important when it comes to securing a place in prépa (and of course in UK universities). A bac mark maximising strategy is not a bad one! And that would normally mean doing one's bac in the year you were meant to (or even a year later!).

My dd got upset for weeks but that was when she first went to maternelle so she was only 3. It's horrible. Ds1 was just the same. I was only spared the agony with Ds2 and that's because he went after Easter being a March baby, the school had no reception class so he was in with children born the calendar year before him who'd been in school for 2 terms already and were therefore settled, all of which meant that the teacher had plenty of time for him (he was the only one starting then in that class). She used to sit him on her knee for ages (I know because I used to sneak round the back and peer in from outside). Mind you, he was small for his age and oh so cute!

Back to topic, it was heartbreaking but it did stop. It must be more difficult for you because your dd is older. I don't really know what to advise. I really feel for you though.

DS1 had a little teary wobble on Tuesday, saying he didn't want to go to school because they just work all day long now, and it's hard going.

The only fun bit, he said, was when they got to cut out and glue the bit of paper on which the teacher has printed their homework instructions.

He doesn't find the work itself hard, but the rigour of sitting at his desk concentrating for so long is very hard for such young kids.

He has no language issues to deal with (his French is stronger than his English) and is streets ahead of his classmates, but even he is finding it hard going, so I can imagine how tough your DD must be finding it. If your DS is also crying, etc., it may well be affecting her, too.

I know how hard it is when they cry - I drove to work on Tuesday feeling awful. Hang in there, it will get better.

My girls are very happy in the year group they are in now, they have a very balanced life with lots of outside intersts, they breeze through homework and are in general very happy kids. Keeping them down a year would be a heavy punishment indeed.

I don't know what will happen in the future, maybe they will discover boys and find school less than interesting (though in DD2s case unless the boy has 4 legs and goes neigh she is not interested!) I am not saying I would encourage kids to be put up a year, just that once the decision is made it cannot be unmade. I don't know whether the descision will need to be made for DD3, she is showing signs of being brighter than her sisters, but has a good group of girls in her year, and only one boy in the year above, so for now I hope she will be happy where she is (she is in GS).

I have never pushed my girls, none of them could read before they learnt at school, DD3 still can't. It is definately not reading age that made the difference, if anything it is their maths ability and reasoning that makes them stand out. That and the speed at which they work.

I think for the OP the descision to keep her daughter in CP with extra work is the right one for now, but that may change in 1 month, 6 months, a year ...

I hope it went better today. However, I would still keep options open in relation to the bilingual school if she doesn't settle soon. Hope it works out for her (and you of course).

No tears this morning!!! of course it helps that it's Friday...but still - NO TEARS!!!

that's great news Slinkyboo. Have been watching your thread with sympathy as our family moved to Belgium this summer and my DD (4) started at a local school in September so I've been going through similar issues. I know what a relief it must've been to have no tears this morning. I always tell my DD how proud I was of her going in happily when I collect her. I know your DD is a little older but i think it helps mine a little as she is always pleased with herself too

I always find Monday's a tough day for them but I hope it continues for you all altho don't be surprised to keep having the odd off day.

Good luck!!

That's great slinkyboo. (Waves to lozzyblue!)

HI slinkyboo - sorry, only just joining this thread and have only skim read it but wanted to add my pennysworth as it might bring you some cheer.
I watched nervously as my extremely shy only DS went through his maternelle experience in Brussels. He went through periods of being shy/unhappy/nervous and, above all, clingy. It was a very, very small school and all the children knew each other and the teachers. By the end, when he had to pass his tests to go into primaire, he was speaking happily with a beatuiful french accent and sailed through.
Now, when I ask my happy, confident (but still slightly shy) 11 year old, he tells me that maternelle was a wonderful experience which he really enjoyed. Aahhh - and good luck :)

... and to you too lozzblue. Please see above!

Thank you sandstone. What a lovely post

Hi Longtime :)

Je vous en prie! :)

slinkyboo, we're all very lovely here in Belgium !