Feeling anxious about DCs starting French school...

[slinkyboo]

Just wanted some words of wosdom and hand-holding, really! We've been in France a few months but DC have been at bilingual school. In Sept they are due to start at a French school. The school is very good and everyone praises it, and it is well used to expats' children as there are so many in this area.
BUT I am feeling more and more anxious about it. DCs are 6 and 4 and I cannot stop imagining theor first day and just HOW they will cope, and how lost they might feel. They understand some very basic French and I am trying to get them to watch French TV etc but my stomach wrenches when I think about leaving them there. How many days/weeks of potential tears and upset will there be???
Tell me to pull myself together...I know, I know. And no I am ansolutely not showing any of my fears to them and nor will I!

If you're familiar with Jonathan Lambert you'll love his Martine clip

Slinkyboo, good to hear you have reached a decision on the cantine for the moment, and hopefully things will get easier now! Agree with everyone about kids needing lots of time to settle in and get anyway fluent. I think the problem for me was I had a naive hope that DD would LOVE school and be rattling away in French by Christmas- and she didn't- then I actually remembered my own school days and how tiring and overwhelming it was at first.

The maitresse said to DH today at the evening meeting that she'd asked to go for a nap this afternoon with the PS and actually gone to sleep (she hasn't had naps since she was one yr old), shows how tired out they get!

And yes, Martine freaks me out a little bit too...no wonder the advertising trendies who work with Greythorne's DH have had a go at her. For extra weirdness, have you all seen the series of books for kids called "Ainsi va la vie" starring a brother and sister called Max and Lili (they have a big stand in our local Carrefour) They all deal with "ishoos" affecting the family- : "Emilie n'aime pas quand sa mère boit trop", "Le tonton de Lili est en prison", (my personal favourite) "Max ne pense qu'au zizi" and a very relevant one for us "Lili est stressée par la rentrée".

Oh I hate Max & Lili! I'd much rather DD was brainwashed by Martine's bourgeois "je réussis tout ce qu'essaie" can-do lifestyle than by Max & Lili's "all the world's a problem" universe.

Very funny pillowcase !

Both DCs crying this morning
It's bloody hard!

and hugs. It will get better!

that is so tough... I agree with Bonsoir though, hang in there and keep supporting them and it will gradually improve. Give them a nice lunch when they come home!!

I do so feel for you slinkyboo. Although it's a long time ago for me, I do remember how awful I felt leaving them crying :( . They don't cry anymore though (well, they are 22, 20 and 12 :) ).

:(
Poor you. The mornings are the worse. Perhaps try to keep their spirits (and yours!) up by talking about the fun things that are coming up soon- any trips you have got planned, visits from family, even like the others say, something nice you are planning for lunch or after school. Are they allowed bring a doudou with them? At our school, it's OK for the PS/MS and even GS. I found that really helped our DD, even though she's not normally that mad on cuddly toys, she liked having something from home.

oh dear, sorry to hear that.

Mind you, neither of my DS have ever been that keen to go to school in the mornings, despite being totally fluent in French and despite coming out at the end of the day having had a great time.

Another thought is that they don't kick off at all for the childminder when she drops them - sounds counter to the idea of supporting them I know, but another mother was told to let her husband drop the children instead of her because they were distraught and hanging off her and a change of person changed this for them.

Not sure if that's workable at all for you even occasionally?

If you are feeling anxious then maybe they pick up on it a bit (not in any way trying to say it's your fault, just that they are very perceptive).

Thanks for the support! I know one day it will all be fine...I'm even willing the days to speed by we can get to the time when going to school is just routine.
I picked them up at lunchtime and things were better...and yes, they had a lovely lunch of tuna & cucumber baguette ( a favourite). DD's teacher had been firm but sensible with her. Apparently she was crying so much in the morning that the teacher told her that she had to either stop or go outside the classroom for a bit to calm down. (this was not said in a nasty way but gently firm, i imagine.) DD stopped crying and the rest of the day she was fine. She was allowed a cuddly toy today which helped as she was so upset first thing, but tomorrow I'm hoping to leave said toy in the car...
The other more positive event today was a lovely mother of a little girl in DS's class saw that he was v upset in the morning. We got chatting and I said I wished DS could find une petite ami. She promptly invited us round after school. Her DCs are bilingual and DS had a fab time. So at least he has seen that something linked to school can be fun, IYSWIM.
Doudou - DS's teacher encourages doudous to be brought in but he point blank REFUSES. I am sure something from home would comfort him but he is adamant. Not sure why...I even offered yo buy a new little cuddly toy of his choice especially for school...to no avail

I try hard to be upbeat, breezy, happy and loving when I take them. Even with DD walking up the long playground crying her eyes out. But yes, children are intuitive and maybe they pick up on my true feelings...but DS also cries when DH takes him up to his classroom.
One thing's for sure - I am 110% sure xnd happy about our decision to scrap canteen. After lunch today DCs were so much happier

Glad to hear things are better, not just for your DCs but for you too.

How did it go this morning?

If the cuddly toy is helping your DD and the teacher doesn't mind, I'd let her keep it for a bit longer I think - it might make quite a difference to her in feeling happier and more secure. Is she in CP?

That is fabulous that the mum invited you round after school, and it might help him quite a lot to get to know at least one of the children outside school.

You sound like you are doing all the right things, though it might help YOU (if not your DCs) for your DH to share some of the dropoffs, just so that you're not the one always having to cope with it.

It sounds positive, slinkyboo - the teachers sound understanding and it's fab that another family invited you over after school. Please believe me when I say that although French school is very different to English school, it really is not all bad! Your DCs will need to get used to different expectations of behaviour and to learn French but I'm sure they will thrive!

Thank you as always. This morning was bad with DD but better with DS

Weta - I think you're right re the cuddly toy. Today she has kept it in her bag but it's not the same...

This morning she was sobbing her heart out at home saying that in the playground she is alone as she doesn't understand the games that the other children play. We've been telling her to watch and try and work it out...but it's far from easy of course. There is one girl in her class who speaks English but she is not very keen to help DD and anyway I don't want DD to have to rely on her, iyswim... Does anyone have any ideas on how I can help/advise DD re the playground? Having a toy with her yesterday did help and a couple of girls were interested and they played a bit. I think Monday I'll let her take it in again.

DH says that I am projecting my adult anxieties and imagining she feels the same, and that children in any school, any country are experiencing similar problems in the playground. Maybe, but I remember the feeling of not having anyone to play with in the playground and it is very hurtful

Thank you Bonsoir

I think the idea of taking in a toy is a good one. When dd was 6 and started a new school (in the middle of CP - both mine also in French schools) she started a craze for skipping after taking in a couple of skipping ropes. Fortunately for us it was dd's birthday shortly after moving so we organised a party and invited lots of her class. Could you find an excuse to do something like that? I'm sure teething difficulties are as much about starting a new school as the language thing (although obviously that's an added complication). French schools are great, but really quite different to British ones - it doesn't surprise me that it seems quite overwhelming for your los at the moment. I don't say that to discourage you, but to reassure you - it is still very early days and I feel sure that in a couple of weeks things will be a lot easier. You sound like a lovely mum who is doing everything you can to ease their way. I love the French system now and both my dcs are firmly ensconced it, but I well remember ds starting maternelle at a French school in Germany with German as his second language (after English) as a result of German childminder - he didn't say a word in French for the first year. Now aged 8 he is top of the class. They'll be fine slinkyboo - hold your nerve, we are all here to hold your hand.

Glad to hear DS was better, but sorry for DD!

I guess in a way your DH is right, but that doesn't make it any easier for you or your children. Being the new child is hard, and even harder in a new language and country. But it really will get easier and I think you have to hold on to the fact that it is just a matter of time (and try to convey this to DD as well).

DS1 had a Norwegian boy in his class last year who spoke no English at the beginning and by the end of the year was almost indistinguishable from the others (two thirds of whom aren't from English speaking families either).

For the games, I would try to find out what it is that they're playing - maybe ask the teacher? or if you get a chance to talk to one of the mums sometime? and then look on the internet for more details perhaps. If she can try to remember the names or something about them maybe some of us on here will be able to help. She might feel a bit more comfortable if she knew what was going on at least.

Toy sounds good, if it were me I'd carry on with anything that is seeming to help!! and after a while if she has started playing with one or two children you could invite them over to play sometime.

Enjoy the weekend and try to relax away from all this... oh and one other thing - I found the French system rather intimidating to start with and DS1 (at 3) was struggling - French friends and relatives advised me to make an appointment with the teacher and to my great surprise she was actually very helpful.

Yes the teachers can be very helpful in one on one but they don't expect usually to stay on after school unless you have an appointment with them.

Can you make an appointment (without your child there) for fairly soon and air your concerns?

TBH the playground thing I think is more likely to be personality than language iyswim. The others don't "know" the games either, they've just started school too. I think your DH is right (although I was also alone in the playground as a child so it kills me that DS1 is so I get your POV too!).

DS1 who is totally bilingual is on his own much of the time in the playground -but in maternelle that doesn't really matter because there is a sandpit, a slide, and bikes etc (more of a problem this year in CE1).

DS2 got totally stuck in and has loads of friends that he plays with but the teacher says most of the PS don't play together just side by side - that comes later - hence all the play equipment.

Have a good weekend.

Maybe I'm mixed up then? I was thinking the OP's DD was 6 so that the other kids had already been through maternelle and would know the games...

DS1 has just begun CP and as far as I can tell their games are still v unstructured, nothing with rules, really. They play knights, cops and robbers, football, run races, etc.
I'll ask him what the girls play, though, and see if I can find out what's 'in'. That said, I have no idea whereabouts you are - what is 'in' here may be infra dig in your part of the country...

I'd agree about making an appointment with the teacher if you think something needs to be addressed.

Thank you for the detailed replies. They have made me well up for the millionth time...I must get a grip
Yes, dd is 6 and just started CP. And yes, the vast majority of the other children have had three years together in Maternelle and thus all know each other.
I have seen her teacher quite a few times already as she is very approachable and speaks English. I couldn't attend the first reunion last week and she actually took me to DDs classroom to see her work etc! The playground 'issue' had not come up then, however...do you think I should ask her to give DD a helping hand at breaktimes? Or should I just let it develop naturally (hopefully)? Dd is definitely going to school on Monday with a toy, though - unanimous approval from the MN expats for that
I will definitely be listening out for names of little girls DD might have played with a bit and I'll invite them here to play. As yet I have not heard of any but it's 'only' been two weeks...
I do find myself thinking of the small, cosy, safe bilingual school DCs were in last year and wishing they were still there I wouldn't dare say this to DH though. I truly hope everything will look much better by toussaint...

For the teacher, I think I'd just mention the problem and see if she has any ideas of ways to help. Don't feel embarrassed about asking - your DD is struggling and the teacher will want to help improve things, especially if she is nice.

DS used to play a game called Le Facteur n'est pas passé and a couple of other structured games but I can't remember the names!

Did you change the DCs so that they would get more French and be more integrated? it must be awful when it's so hard at the start, but hang in there - it really is early days and it probably is easier to switch them sooner rather than later if you don't want to keep on with the other school right to the end.

I am probably the odd one out, but I would move them back to the bilingual school and take them to French after school clubs etc. However, if you decide to stay at this school, I think that it is very important to (1) speak with the teacher, including about playground issues (2) try to arrange a playdate for your daughter with another girl and (3) if possible, see if you can volunteer in the school for a few hours per week (to find out what is going on and it may give your dd and ds more confidence). Hope your dd feels better soon.