wherever you are - expat support thread, new or otherwise, sign in here for support/advice/comparing stories etc

[ExpatAgain]

Well, a few of us seem to think this is a good idea, so here goes!

I'm 39, got 2 dc both at school (youngest just half-day though) am "trailing" my husband whose job moved him to Africa 6 months ago..

I love many things about it but am struggling right now as back to being SAHM something I'm not a natural for...Looking forward to developing closer friends here. we've also had lots of security issues which we need to do something about or move house again and dc have been much more homesick than I'd reckoned for.

On the good side, it's great to have ventured out of the UK, it's a fantastic outdoor life in summer, when everything works, i've got time to keep fit, see the kids more.

Hope some of you want to join me on here

Hmm I've been thinking about joining the International Womens Club here but was a bit scared. Now I'm very scared!

I'm a bit outside the expat bubble and worried that I'll fall foul of some kind of unwritten LT trailing spouse rules and feel like the new girl at school even though we've been here for three years

Thanksam I know how you feel! I join the IWA here, it is a bit overwhelming when you don't know anybody but there is always very nice people lurking (actually very very very nice people I met). The majority is a bit . And I am not even a 1st timer! (but I am very poor to them )
hahhaha I must be breaking all of them too...

From France, you are not considering expat if you are send to london, geneva bruxelles and germany anymore (at least by the company) the package is small/inexistant unless you are the boss/director.

On the other hand I find most 1st time expat very defensive and some even aggressive. It is afterall a normal question to ask where you come from and not a judgement on your number of expatriation.

I must admit aI do think Dubai is expat lite considering you can get anything here (at a price)

Hello, can I join?
I'm 37, 2 DS's 5 & 3. We live in Gaborone, Botswana and have been here for 18 months. Before that we were in Zambia for 5 years. I haven't worked since we left London in 2004 as no chance of getting a visa. DS's were born in UK but back in Zambia at 2 weeks old, so they know nothing else - we are going "home" at Christmas to see snow for the first time. They think the UK is one long steam train/legoland/grandparents holiday where you can get toys & DVD's
Whereabouts in Africa are you expatagain?
DH & I are both ambivalent about carrying with the expat life much longer - it is such a bubble - though we want to have a 3rd DC so the expat package (and full-time maid) may need to continue a bit longer.
In general I love it, but I HATE the uncertainty that goes with whether/when we will move again which we have very little control over. Materially it's very cushy but psychologically tough at times. You need to be very self-reliant & make your own life / support system.
Will be back later on / tomorrow - off to a party now to bid farewell to friends relocating to Mongolia!

I must admit that the International Womens' Club has been fab here. Sure, there are a few strange women, but most of the women I have met have been lovely. Particularly for women with small children, where they can get together and chat with other mothers.

So those of you who live in ME - are you in "compounds"? A friend said that her colleague's wife in Dubai lives on an closed estate and does not go out alone. Is that true? Or is she extremely cautious?

ZamMummy
That is hard - the uncertainty of when you are going to move and where you are going to.

Hi ALL

I'm 35 and DH and I have 3 dc's, currently living in mid west US. Have been here since 2009 and will be staying until 2011. The move out was tough with a newborn but we managed it and still wonder how we didnt crack up altogether!!

Its our 2nd time relocating abroad, last time the family was smaller. I'm a very quiet and shy person in RL so the first few weeks I find it tough to push myself into meeting new people and getting out.

Mostly I love all the travel and seeing alot of places I may never have seen in my lifetime normally. And I love how different my life is now not just your typical 9-5 lifestyle in the cold n wet weather of home.

The loneliness at times is tough. I'd be lost without Skype and FB. DH and I have to rely on eachother alot more as we have no family nearby to help out.
I made one very good longterm friend on our last posting in US and its been great to be close to her again.
When days are tough I find myself wanting to pack up and run home but on the good days I can't ever imagine going home.

We'll have to move again before the end of the year to another city nearby and I've spent so many sleepless nights worrying about how the kids will cope with more new schools. My ds(5) will be in 3 schools from august of this year until school ends for summer next year. I'm so worried he will find it the toughest of all the DC'S

not so far from you, zam! Can relate to uncertainty, tricky, guess being self-relaint helps, as you say. had wondered about the international women's club - one nearest me mentions that members are "wives of CEOs & company directors" ..not sure it's for me seeing as dh is a lowly senior manager..maybe i read it wrong or it depends on the country

Ha I want extra points for language and having north Korea just 40km away

I have to confess I avoided the IWA after being told ... But darlink if you don't ride, ski or sail - what do you do?

But I do think it's so much easier with young children and a school gate culture. When we move to HK it will be school buses and not sure how I'll make the same connections as I did here. Also plan to go back to work so am mourning the loss of my days with the kids in school and freedom to do what I want! And I've got so use to being there for them I can't get my head round how to have my career/job and spend time with them. Logically I know this is the same problem mums face back in the UK but somehow it seems bigger being abroad where flex hours and part time work are rare

Can I ask those who started 'trailing' but now work - what do you do? And does it work out withe family?

Hi all,

Can I join? I am originally from NZ, have been living in the UK for 10 years. I have one DD and another DC on the way. Do I still count as an expat?!?!

After no homesickness in 7 odd years, I became quite overwhelmingly homesick soon after my DD was born and have never really been settled since. My husband is British but not from London and neither of us see ourselves here long term as we have very little support which is really, really hard.

We have a plan to return to NZ next year, I thought it would help to have some end in sight but it feels worse. I just want to be home now, I am in serious danger of seeing everything as perfect in NZ ( I am all too aware that it isn't). I compare everything, think how life would be so much easier, I miss my family but most of all I miss the land, peace and tranquillity...oh and beaches, food, kiwi culture.....pretty much everything!!!!

I really admire the people in totally different countries to their country of origin, the UK is really similar in lots of ways to NZ, but I also get the bubble bit. I feel like I am always on the outside, never quite fitting in. Worst thing is thinking that my DH might feel like this in NZ.

Sorry for the vent but really needed to get that out today!

Any advice how to last another year in the UK when I desperately want to be in NZ?

gosh, kiwi, hard one. Maybe doing all the things you can't do from NZ in the next year, however hard to do with dcs eg day trips to Paris, playing tourist in London and seeing the sights again, skiing in Austria, touring hte greek islands etc etc. Do anything you might regret NOT doing.. I didn't go to Japan and several other countries when relatively near in China, regret that still!

kiwi - how about thinking about these things:
earthquakes in Christchurch - more just today :( - lots of scared people and expats considering leaving NZ for the UK where it's relatively safe
Snow dump that busted the stadium roof last winter
volcanic ash over NZ preventing flights - oh wait, the UK had that too - ok, scratch that one
Shit underwear (no pun intended) - make sure you stock up from M&S before you even think about moving back!

HTH :)

I miss England... I do. I don't dislike it here in Australia but the price of food currently is dismal - I know we lost a lot in the floods and tropical storms so it all makes sense - but seriously - $2.50 per leek?? and bananas are still at $13/kg. They were 69p/kg in the UK when I was there a few weeks ago! :(

Another one from Africa here to join in with you all. Hello Zam.

I love the serial expat point rating scheme. On that score I am an old Africa hand and treated with great reverence amongst the 'first time in Africa' newbies.

oo zam, I meant to ask but got sidetracked answering kiwi's post - is Gaborone/Botswana lovely? I rather love the No 1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall Smith and he paints a lovely picture of Botswana - is he exaggerating? Is it lovely or is it more dangerous and unpleasant than he suggests? Or is he just harking back to older times?

Hi all, hope you don't mind me joining you. Only just seen this thread as i've not been on MN for a few weeks due to having serial visitors!

I have a 4yr old DS and a nearly 3 yr old DD and i'm in Beijing. Have been for 9 months now. We moved out with DH's job on a contract that would roughly last 2 years but it looks like it will be closer to 3 by the time we leave now. I also had to leave my job to come here. I'm enjoying it over here particularly now i'm getting much more used to the cultural differences. There is a big expat community here and i live on an expat compound so meeting new people and making friends has not been a problem fortunately.We also have a housekeeper so no more cleaning for me (yippee!), this also means that we finally have someone who can babysit so myself and DH have managed to go out loads which is something we just never did at home as we had no family nearby to help out. I'm also learning Manadarin so as i'm able to use the language more, the easier things are getting. The air quality isn't brilliant most days though and on the really bad days i feel guilty for exposing my children to such pollutants. I am also still very paranoid about the quality of the food i buy. I still I miss a lot of the shops from the UK as compared to Shanghai, Beijing doesn't have the same range of international shops unless you're into designer ones. I also get extremely frustrated with the horrendously slow internet connection that we have here due to the good ole great firewall.

I have to say that the internet is definately my saviour as at least i can keep in touch with all my friends on fb, Skype family, check out MN and also download from BBC iplayer (when the connection isn't so slow that a 60 mins programme is going to take 20 hours to download!!!).

Not read all the threads but i did see one about the schooling overseas. I feel very privileged that my children have this opportunity as my 2 children are in a great international school. DD currently goes 3 mornings a week and DS goes 5 mornings a week and he is due to start Reception at the end of August. Even though they're in the Foundation Stage the experiences they are getting here far exceeds what they would get in the UK and they are also learning Mandarin which i think will be great for them in later life, so when i'm having a bad day i just remind myself of the opportunities they are getting.

Not having any bad days at the moment as the weather is in the 30's every day and the compound has an outdoor pool it's like being on holiday everyday (poor DH!), i don't really want to come back to the UK for the summer holidays as i think we're going to freeze, now where's my swimming costume..............!!!

Learning Mandarin! Wow! What a fantastic opportunity! Do they enjoy it?

My elder son (bilingual English/Greek) is at nursery, and when I go to pick him up he always greets me with "Hello Mummy!" in English. Today when I went to get him, his best friend (who often greets me in Greek) turned round and shouted "Yeia sas Hello Mummy!" (yeia sas=hello in Greek) It was so funny. His own mum was there too and she was most surprised. He obviously thought it was my name!

They do seem to enjoy it but i guess at their age it doesn't seem that different. Already after 9 months ds van have little conversations with our ayi (like a housekeeper) and dd's teacher says that dd understands everything the classroom assistant says to her although she doesn't really say any Chinese yet. It's quite funny though as family back home say she has a Chinese accent o guess it's because when we arrived she was just starting to properly talk!! It must be lovely to have a bilingual child, I used to wish one of my parents could be foreign so that I could be fluent in 2 languages!

So those of you who live in ME - are you in "compounds"? A friend said that her colleague's wife in Dubai lives on an closed estate and does not go out alone. Is that true? Or is she extremely cautious?

Either your friend has got the country confused, and means Saudi, or the woman in question is very cautious. I suspect the former because there are no "closed estates"/compounds in Dubai that I'm aware of, and everyone goes out alone (although some people do have drivers for convenience). Dubai is actually very safe and there are few restrictions on women.

We do have a security man but he's more like a caretaker (I think he. Likes the uniform tbh
There are gated communities where you have to sign in ..but the compound and not going out alone I agree with bride doesn't sound anything like dubai

So, out of curiosity, what's the health care like where you all are?

Here, it has to be said, there is a lot of room for improvement. Although officially basic healthcare is free, a lot of doctors expect you to pay them a substantial 'bonus' under the table. This is especially true of obstetricians. There is also a real postcode lottery. For example, when my ds2 was born, he was in intensive care, and I spoke to some of the other parents who had travelled 150km as there were no intensive care units in their towns.

Hello!

Another trailing spouse here. In Germany now - moved from Japan a couple of months ago. Really not settled yet; the past few months have all been a bit traumatic and I'm homesick for Japan although I'm a Brit .

Got one dd (9 going on 13) who seems to be doing OK at her new school. No school gate here - she catches a door to door bus, which is fantastic for no-more-school-run, but I'm now realising I haven't spoken to another adult for AGES! Scared my bank earlier on the phone as I developed verbal diarrhoea & wouldn't let him get off the phone .

Luckily I work from home so at least I am occupied. And also I really do like my own company. But I'm feeling very much out in the sticks and "on hold" in a way.

However, I've finally found a babysitter so can attend a "do" on Monday, so perhaps things will begin to look up soon :)

Hi all. It's great to read the many different perspectives and challenges associated with living as an expat. For us it's still early days but it seems like a good move. In the 3 months that we've been here, our eldest son has finally had the devleopment assessment I was pushing for in the UK and has been diagnosed with global development delay in addition to sensory integration disorder and speech delay. it's been very hard, but it's such a bloody relief to be taken seriously for once. I guess it shows that you get what you pay for! The access the therapy for him and a school has also been great so we're looking forward to seeing him progress.

Our social lives are improving too now that we have a live in maid. This has been a big adjustment but the woman working for us is 1 in a million I think. She's doing therapy with my son every day, thinking up new games for him to play and generally being like a fantastic grandma. She's also been a great support through all the assessments. Now that DH and I are making friends, life feels pretty good.

I never thought I'd say it, but I'm not really that excited about going back that to the UK in July as I'm only now finding my feet and getting into the rhythm of HK life. Could never tell family that though! Does anyone else feel like that? Hopefully it's a good sign that homesickness is waning, and we're starting to settle.

@Eastendmummy Your helper sounds brilliant!

I totally understand your reluctance to go to the UK - I feel the same. I haven't been back for 2 years and am quite dreading it.

Also it's that 3 month moment - you're just settling (although many experience culture shock about then) and the last thing you need is to go back over old ground again.

I've nothing to suggest apart from try to get a base in the UK and make everyone come to you otherwise you'll be wiped out from travelling around.

@Peripathetic (love your name btw). Our trip back unfortunately will involve loads of traveling and I'll be doing most of it alone with the boys as dh is back in HK for some of the time. We do have 2 brilliant weddings to look forward to as well as a big birthday for dh so hopefully the traveling will be made bearable by the fun things to look forward to.

I'm glad you said it's normal about not wanting to go back as I'm feeling a bit guilty about it. There are parts of me that misses home, and friends and family, but we're getting into our stride now and I want to capitalise on that. Oh well, I need to get over it!

When are you going back? at least you have a relatively short trip - it's not exactly easy is it doing the long haul from the far east back to the UK as I'm sure you know. Maybe that's one benefit of being in Germany? I hope you settle in soon, and meet some adults to chat to if only to save you chatting madly at anyone who calls you!

Hah, thank you :) We're driving back. With the dog. Think I'd prefer a 12 hour flight...

I too have to do 3 weeks sans DH as he's on some business stuff. We're there for 5 weeks in all. 2nd week of July. But nothing fun to look forward to, like you! There have been some family issues which I will have to face up to

I'm looking on it as a shopping trip . Once I'm through it, I can properly get my life here on track.

Good news! I've found a babysitter so I can go out on Monday! Yay - adults to talk to. note to self do not get pissed & embarrass everyone...