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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

wherever you are - expat support thread, new or otherwise, sign in here for support/advice/comparing stories etc

185 replies

ExpatAgain · 31/05/2011 11:41

Well, a few of us seem to think this is a good idea, so here goes!

I'm 39, got 2 dc both at school (youngest just half-day though) am "trailing" my husband whose job moved him to Africa 6 months ago..

I love many things about it but am struggling right now as back to being SAHM something I'm not a natural for...Looking forward to developing closer friends here. we've also had lots of security issues which we need to do something about or move house again Sad and dc have been much more homesick than I'd reckoned for.

On the good side, it's great to have ventured out of the UK, it's a fantastic outdoor life in summer, when everything works, i've got time to keep fit, see the kids more.

Hope some of you want to join me on here Smile

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thanksamillion · 06/06/2011 15:00

I'd rather my DCS went to school in the UK.

Schools here are very old fashioned (not quite rote learning but not far off) and children who fall behind get no extra help. Because I'm out in a village and people don't move much here you also only get the subjects that there are people in the village 'qualified' to teach. Some schools don't have a maths teacher! (ours does).

We're too far away from anywhere for international schools (and probably couldn't afford it anyway) so I homeschool a bit to top up what's taught (or not) at school. Secondary will either mean that we have to go back to the UK or boarding school somewhere in another country which I'm not keen on.

frakyouveryverymuch · 06/06/2011 15:22

Schoolwise we plan to do French system to at least 11, possibly 13, 15 at the latest and I will top up the English whilst heavily encouraging creativity, lateral thinking and an interest in the arts! Then either bilingual school offering IB, boarding in England offering IB or an international school. But it very much depends where we are when and whether there are more DCs to consider (in which case I may settle in Paris and hope we can get into a bilingual school and DH move). Or we get shifted to the Netherlands in which case we'd go fir Dutch schools, or the UK where we'd go for state UK supported by the CNED. Ideally we would go for bilingual Fr/En all the way through but that's unlikely to happen.

And I've thought far too much about this but it's an occupational hazard Grin

EmmaNicole · 06/06/2011 16:52

This is a great thread...so interesting to hear everybody's stories...what an amazing bunch of travellers you all are! Thanks to everybody who has offered advice and welcomed my questions. Really appreciate it!

MightyAphrodite · 06/06/2011 17:14

thanksamillion - what an experience for your DC. How are they coping with the language(s)?

thanksamillion · 06/06/2011 20:36

MightyAphrodite - they're quite young still (actually only one is at school at the moment as they're 6, 4 and 1) so the language has been fine. DD1 speaks very fluently and DS(4) is pretty good but a bit shy. They can both roll their Rs which neither I nor DH can do which is very frustrating great for them Grin

This year DD1 will also start learning Russian at school (local language is Romanian) so that will be interesting! I might have to pay one of the local teenagers to help her with her homework for that one.

alexpolismum · 06/06/2011 20:57

thanksamillion - wow! that sounds really interesting. I think Russian will be a good language to learn too.

There's a lot of rote learning here too, and large numbers of pupils at secondary school have extra lessons in the afternoons and evenings at small private tuition centres. It's not an issue for me yet, as my children are also very young. However, unless there is substantial change likely to take about 500 years of dithering in Greece I would prefer UK secondary schools.

Mighty Aphrodite - I went to the Peloponnese in 2006, so before the fires. I travelled around quite a bit, it was great. We went to Monemvasia, Kalamata, those caves with all the stalactites I think in Mani, Sparta and that medieval fort on a cliff nearby that I can't remember the name of, Olympia, Nafplio, Epidavros and probably a few other places. I was there for about 3 weeks. I've never been to Serres, though! Amazingly, the first place I came to in Greece was Orestiada!

I must say I like the thought of going somewhere like Korea. It must be quite a challenge to learn a language like Korean, and to work your way through so many cultural differences, work out what is taboo, what is perfectly normal, etc.

TheBride · 07/06/2011 01:27

A question for you all....who'd rather their children went to school in the UK, whose children attend international schools, and who thinks the schools in their adopted countries might actually be better than back 'home'

Local school isn't really feasible because it's taught in Cantonese (HK), which I wouldn't have a huge issue with if we were staying here indefinitely, but my concern is that if we leave after (e.g.) 3 years, then DS will be behind in everything except writing Chinese, which he will then promptly forget. Also, local schools are very "sit down and face the front" and I prefer a less structured approach in primary school.

What we do depends a lot on where we're living and what the schools are like.

I'll do International school until 8 and then take a view on it, but 99% he'll stay here as I think 8 is too young to board (especially overseas). However, I do then face the problem of getting him into the boarding schools in the UK at 13 without having been prepped for the 13+, if by then we're then living somewhere where I don't think the secondary schools are good enough.

safran · 07/06/2011 02:17

alexpolismum I'm ashamed to admit I have leant very little Korean, however I have olympic standard miming skills now Blush
As a language it is very tough, but I've been amazed at how far you can get with a lot of arm waving, bowing and smiles. To me its one of the nicest things about here is that people want to help - no one just walks away.
I think the difference in culture is one of the reasons I don't get bored or homesick - there is always something totally unexpected to deal with or observe. Everyone who has been to visit us has loved the place - truely I think my next job should be for the Korean Tourist Board because its a hidden treasure!

As for schooling mine are in the French system, bilingual. But like so many of you they are still young and for me the big decisions come when they are 8ish. I'm not convinced about the bilingual system because in most schools they learn certain subjects in one language so say Chemistry in French and History in English and I worry this will bias their interests. Its a debate my DH (who is french and totally bilingual) and I have many times and over many bottles of wine!

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 04:03

I am finding the Australian schooling system a bit of a revelation at the moment (although it could just be the dc's particular school!).

My ds is a July birthday and was halfway through Yr1 in the UK when we left. He has gone into Prep here (like reception). He thinks all his Christmases have come at once - no reading, almost no writing, no homework, no books coming home etc.

So I make him do some stuff at home [nasty evil mother emoticon]. On the other hand it is fab for him as it is really reinforcing lots of things he was sketchy on in the UK.

My dd will be 8 in September, was the oldest in her Yr2 class. She is in grade 2 here and comments that the work is generally much easier. There is no joined up writing, no long pieces of writing, lots of comprehension work (which was almost non existent in the UK), easier maths etc etc. Homework is spellings and a page of maths, comprehension and grammar each week.

They do sport for 2 hours per week, more as they get older.

Apparently they are just introducing a national curriculum over here. I am waiting to see what difference this makes!

zzlondongirlzz · 07/06/2011 04:15

I'm having one those days today where I feel like we've already ditched our daughter's educational chances by moving to Australia and she is not even 4! I'm sure the standards in local state schools will be perfectly OK its just we are temporary residents and like MrsDistinctly in reverse our children will find themselves behind their UK peers if or when we return to the UK due to the later starting age here. I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that if/when we return its likely to be to London where primary schools have hideous shortages of places meaning our kids will either have no place for a while or only at the schools no one else wants. I looked into private schools this morning for our daughter only to find that you have to register at birth to get into any of the really good ones here in Brisbane and offers for prep (2013) have already been made and accepted...baaah

ExpatAgain · 07/06/2011 05:02

am I being naive in hoping they'll catch up though? IMHO kids start school way too young in the UK. My older dc seems of a similar level to the local kids in spite of theoretical "head-start" of a few years in the UK system..My youngest now bounds about his v large playground doing much more learning through outdoor play/physical activities..i'm not doing much reading/writing at home and feel confident that he'll catch up..After all the UK does not do well comparatively in terms of literacy/numeracy levels upon leaving school..

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ExpatAgain · 07/06/2011 05:04

and Zz so many people head out of London that you may well be in with a chance of the one place that's just cropped up at a local school..

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MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 07/06/2011 05:05

I know zzlondongirlzz - we are only over here for a couple of years too hence the extra homework for my two!

I'm in Brissie too if you fancy a cuppa. Whereabouts are you?

thumbwitch · 07/06/2011 05:24

Hello everyone and special wave to Eralc - sorry to hear you're having a bit of a tough time, I'll have to see if we can meet up soon! In fact, I'm coming into Sydney on Thursday for an osteo appt - could meet for coffee beforehand if you like? I'll be in by about 11:15 and appt is at 1:30pm, so if you fancy it, let me know. Will also PM you to be on the safe side.

I am a Brit in Australia - NSW but the "country". 1.5h north of Sydney, just in the south of the Hunter Valley region. It's nice, provincial and suits us. DH is Aussie and his mum lives 15mins up the road - close enough to be useful but not so close as to be a complete PITA. DS is 3.6 and we're ttc #2 but not having much luck.:(

Just come back from 3 weeks in Blighty with DS so feeling a bit down in the dumps again here, especially as it was a darn sight warmer in England than it currently is here!

Been here since August 2009 - I suppose I'm settled here but I do miss England as well. I have some friends here, through the 2 playgroups I take DS to, and some through meeting MNers in Sydney

thumbwitch · 07/06/2011 05:24
  • hope things have settled down now and there isn't too much radiation fallout?
ExpatAgain · 07/06/2011 05:28

I can identify - sitting here with a woolly cardigan on top of my woolly jammers.. it's FREEZING! So many people in the UK look at me with disbelief when i say this - can't be cold in Africa!

Yes, MN, for all the bunfights, is a life-line for me too..I'm starting to settle but it's taking a while and I do feel I'm missing out on developing my own life (socially with good friends and careerwise) by being here, have become the helpmeet for dh/carer for kids but not much happening for me right now..

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LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 07/06/2011 05:29

thanksam we are in bucharest so have plenty of "choices" for school (of course we can't afford any of the american or british schools at 18 000 euros per years Hmm)

DD1 (6) will enter a "british" system next september in year 2 at the lebanese school.
We have deliberately held her back in kindergarden in a romanian system (locals go until 7).
We thought about letting her continue in a romanian system but she "jumped" a class in kindergarden and would probably be separated from her friends who are all a scholar year above.
She will probably be bullied as a foreigner even if fluent (including by the teachers).
She will need extra tuitions provided by the local teachers (just to increase their pitiful salary not for the sake of the child).
School finish at 12h Hmm, which makes the break far too short for me. Wink
We decided against the french private system because there is now way we can afford it if/when back in the UK.

The "sabis" system she will be taught is tougher than the "ort" base so hopefully she will have no problem getting back on track in the UK or any other british system when we move.
Though she might find next year very difficult but as she is advanced in math I am hoping that she will take the math time to improved her reading. She is already making huge progress thanks to cbeebies Grin. She can decipher everything in phonics without having been taught properly, with a few board games and the computer.

Sorry for ranting probably trying to consolidate my choice in my head. It is hard choosing for your child, insn't it?

thumbwitch · 07/06/2011 05:38

Ah schools - well, DS is a December baby so he can go to school at either 4.2 or 5.2 - as he's on the small side I'm thinking 5.2, I don't want him being one of the youngest AND smallest in the class. I'm going to try and get him reading this year anyway - but don't want to push him too hard, cos that's no fun. He'll go to the local state primary - it's one of the top 5 in NSW anyway (lucky us!) but when we get to secondary, we'll have to re-think.

I'd like him to have some experience of the UK education system but I don't think it will be much use by the time he gets there, sadly! Not like back in my day [old gimmer] when it was a proper eddicashun.Wink

Currently he's not in pre-school because he a) isn't potty trained and b) isn't fully vaccinated so he "isn't acceptable" to many of the pre-schools. I don't mind - I like being at home with him, tbh. He gets plenty of social time at the two playgroups, football and dance classes he goes to so I don't think I'm depriving him.Grin

TanteRose · 07/06/2011 05:49

its tough coming back from a visit to the UK, isn't it...it gets better once you get back into the swing of your everyday life.

As to things "settling down" over here...hmm, they seem to "uncover" more information (most of it bad) every day, and there is literally no end in sight up there in Fukushima Sad

Everywhere else is normal (as it has been for the past 3 months, mostly), but obviously, the bad news coming out of Fukushima is worrying. People are now getting down to making sure we don't use too much electricity. The hot summer will be a real challenge, as there really will be a shortfall of power and it will not be pleasant having to ration the air conditioning when the temperatures reach 35 deg C in August.
The worst thing is the nights are so hot and humid too - it sometimes never dips below 25 or 26 for weeks Sad Angry

lavenderbongo · 07/06/2011 05:49

Very interesting thread. We are in NZ and dd1 is in year 2 at the local primary. It is a fab school but they are probably covering material slightly slower than we would in the UK. However they are doing other (in my opinion) slightly more important stuff. They do a lot of extra curricular stuff and a lot of sport. SHe is very good at public speaking and is bouncing with confidence. She skips into school every morning. I love it.
I am a secondary teacher and have just started working over here. From what I have seen we will have to think very carefully about secondary schools as they seem to be a whole different story!

TheBride · 07/06/2011 05:55

Glad to know others are having this dilemma. My preferred school for DS (when he gets to school age) is one of the less trad IB schools in HK, but the kids don't do a full day until they're nearly six (for the older ones in class- DS is a September b'day) as reception class and the next class are half days only. I'm quite chilled about this myself, but worry that going from this environment to a UK prep school, were we to suddenly go back, would be a huge and not very happy shock.

IdontknowwhyIcare · 07/06/2011 06:22

Hope I'm not too late to join. We live in Dubai and love it. Waves to Barbie and others. We moved out here 4.5 years ago and have no real intention of going back. It might have been an option for home status but given the fee increases DS is now looking around the world at uni's. DS is in yr 10 and attends a UK curriculum school, currently taking some GCSE's. No chance of attending local school as you have to be a local. Yep its hot and steamy the windows are steamed up on the outside this morning and yesterday it was 44 and the summer has barely begun but it doesnt bother me (now!). We live in walking distance to the beach, Ds now surfs and kite surfs, which he wouldnt probably have managed in Blighty. DH happy at work, much more so than back in the UK. For me I had lived abroad by myself in USA a very very lon time ago and was always champing at the bit to travel. Sadly I gave up my uni course to come here. I had a job for 3 years but now am a SAHM and boy do they need it IMHO when they are studying for exams.
As for missing friends, well I do but then I have new friends here and I go home every year. We lived in a very small village and it would have been difficult for DS to do anything by himself, 1 bus a day. He goes back for 2 months every summer and lives with his grandma and hangs out with all his old friends, goes on holiday with them and camping, his summer family ;-) He flies twice in teh summer by himself to see his grandparents.
My only worry, this summer I will be preparing my mother to go into sheltered accommodation. I have no brothers or sisters so feel incredibly guilty, however we werent really ever close which I suspect makes the moving away easier. Although she visits twice a year for 1 motnh a time!!!!! Shock

thelittlestkiwi · 07/06/2011 06:31

We're quite laid back about schooling- perhaps cos DD has only just turned 2 and we are in denial. We did buy a house in a good school zone and it all seems a bit easier here than in the UK. Zones are large and if you are in it, your kid goes to the school. I hear lots of good things about the system here so fingers crossed it'll be okay. Most of the kids I meet are happy, articulate and polite- a real pleasure to have around. Random teenagers even help me onto buses with DD.

DD loves her nursery and I love that all her teachers choose Early Childhood education as a career.

!

alexpolismum · 07/06/2011 08:36

There seem to be quite a lot of you down in Australasia/Oceania/whatever they call it these days. Perhaps you can give me a few tips, as we are planning a trip to Oz - my dh has first cousins living in Melbourne and they have invited us. What is provision like for the disabled? My ds2 has hypotonia and is non-mobile, I don't want to have to constantly haul him up steps or what-have-you!

thumbwitch · 07/06/2011 10:20

There are some Melbournite MNers around - hopefully they'll find this thread and be able to help you out there, alexpolismum. Around where we are, disabled access is improving all the time; but I have no clue about Melbourne, sorry. If not, start a separate thread calling all Melbourne MNers - I think tortoiseonahalfshell is from that area, and possibly differentnameforthis but am not 100% sure.

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