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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

wherever you are - expat support thread, new or otherwise, sign in here for support/advice/comparing stories etc

185 replies

ExpatAgain · 31/05/2011 11:41

Well, a few of us seem to think this is a good idea, so here goes!

I'm 39, got 2 dc both at school (youngest just half-day though) am "trailing" my husband whose job moved him to Africa 6 months ago..

I love many things about it but am struggling right now as back to being SAHM something I'm not a natural for...Looking forward to developing closer friends here. we've also had lots of security issues which we need to do something about or move house again Sad and dc have been much more homesick than I'd reckoned for.

On the good side, it's great to have ventured out of the UK, it's a fantastic outdoor life in summer, when everything works, i've got time to keep fit, see the kids more.

Hope some of you want to join me on here Smile

OP posts:
Canella · 09/06/2011 11:20

Thumbwitch - very very little German being spoken on the German thread!!! Come on over!

thumbwitch · 09/06/2011 11:35

oh thank you Canella - but as I'm not even in Germany, but in Australia, I think I would be a touch out of place! So lovely of you to invite me though.

JaneBennet · 09/06/2011 11:42

Oooh, love a good expat thread! We're another family in Dubai (waves at the others) but in a slightly different situation as DH is not an expat. May and June are the months that I talk most often about moving - it's so hot today, it's unreal. We're all counting down the days until the end of the year and our escape to the UK :)

TheBride · 09/06/2011 12:10

Jane So, hope you don't mind me asking, but are you married to an Emirati? Do you find it challenging to look like an expat, yet be integrated into the local culture? Also, totally nosey, but how did you meet your DH?

alexpolismum · 09/06/2011 15:46

Gilbonzo - Don't look at it that way. It doesn't matter if you don't get it all, or if your grammar isn't spot on. Just keep talking to people in French, express yourself anyway you like, without searching for the 'right' word. When I first came to Greece, I used to put the news on in the background all the time and just listen while doing something else. I could check the reports later in English to see if I'd got the gist of it. And I nattered to anyone who would listen, the more I talked, the better I got at it, but I never worried about mistakes, so long as people got the point, that was the main thing. I never had formal lessons, I just did what seemed best to me. Perhaps a more informal approah might suit you too?

GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck · 09/06/2011 15:58

I'm just so painfully shy when it comes to most things speaking French. I started off not wanting to speak to anyone unless the sentence was totally correct in every way. I eventually got over that but I still worry about sounding like a total twat. Having said that, this week I've made myself talk to other people a few times (mums at the school, neighbours, etc) and no one's tried to drive me out the village so I musn't be too badGrin

fraktious · 09/06/2011 16:02

Gilbonzo you're almost certainly better than you think you are!

Are you anywhere near Lorient? We may be moving there Hmm

GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck · 09/06/2011 16:08

Lorient is about an hour east of us. Nice place with lovely beaches.

JaneBennet · 09/06/2011 18:03

Hi TheBride, DH is not Emirati but from another GCC country. No problems integrating at all, I was brought up in the Middle East so it wasn't new to me. I have retained my own identity and have a very liberal, wonderful husband.

thanksamillion · 09/06/2011 20:40

Talking of being integrated, my DCs had a very 'cross cultural' experience on Sunday as they went to their first local funeral. When we arrived some of their friends took them off into the house to see the body (it's open casket in the garden here)! They were remarkably unfazed Smile

tadjennyp · 09/06/2011 22:38

Don't worry, I'm on the Germany/Austria thread too and I haven't lived there for nearly 13 years Sad The ladies are all lovely and it's great I have someone to ask if there's an idiomatic phrase I've forgotten and need for teaching! Though now I'm back to teaching French and I'm scared to death as I haven't spoken it for four years! Shock

thumbwitch · 10/06/2011 00:32

I found French was the one that stayed with me the most but like Gilbonzo, I hate making mistakes so wouldn't say anything until I was sure I got it right. It doesn't encourage easy conversation, or improved vocabulary :(

Eventually I got over this when I went to Italy as an au pair English tutor to a 9yo girl - had to learn Italian very fast (Hugo's Italian in 3m) to deal with twin 22mo boys, whom I also had to take care of - and there was no time for perfection. But because I didn't keep it up, I have forgotten much of it.

One amusing thing though - there was a cheese shop opposite the block of flats I was living in, run by a Frenchman and his Italian wife. Initially I spoke to him in French (ha! tried to) but by a couple of weeks in, my brain started to get very confused and I was speaking some hideous combination of FrItalianaise! He managed quite well to understand, considering, but it was pretty mad! Blush

Tad, I'm sure it'll come back to you quickly - my Dad did French at A level, then Spanish and Russian at university and went into teaching. When he was nearly 60, I think, he was doing supply work for a local school and had to teach French and German (which he was self-taught in) at secondary level - he coped ok and he hadn't done it for decades! You'll be fiiiine. :)

tadjennyp · 10/06/2011 05:26

It's an excuse to watch Jean de Florette and Manon des Sources again thumb!

tadjennyp · 10/06/2011 06:24

I did just watch Des chiffres et des lettres - the original Countdown! Great stuff.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 10/06/2011 08:24

Hello, lovely people! May I join you too?

I'm in Kuala Lumpur and have been here for 8 months. Two DDs are at university in the UK and two teenaged DCs are here with us in KL. It was not quite my choice to be here, but DH volunteered to be seconded here by his UK employer, almost two years ago. I and the two younger DCs followed him once there was a natural break in A2s, GCSEs and so on. I resigned from my public sector job and am now fannying about in the expat bubble......

There was a conversation upthread about schooling. I'll add to that by saying that my Y10 and Y12 DCs are getting a huge boost by being here. (Yes, of course, it's down to DH's employer paying for them being in a good international school).

Hello barbie1, how are your plans coming along?

Original poster
ExpatAgain · 10/06/2011 12:06

like your name! Was in Asia in the 90s, never made it to KL but definitely got the bug for Asia..Africa couldn't be more different - am not v good at things being done slowly!
Agree on the whole about education sometimes being better out of the UK - my dc have found so, esp the youngest.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExpatAgain · 10/06/2011 12:08

How did you feel about giving up youtr job? Was it dear to you?? Think it's a huge adjustment to stop working and be in that expat bubble (the one which looks so appealing from the outside!). I'm enjoying the time to keep fit, go for coffee, help with at the schools but find myself frequently wanting to climb the walls with frustration and am FAR less patient with dc now i@m with them every day..

OP posts:
TheBride · 11/06/2011 01:20

I've gone through phases. When we first moved to the ME, I was loving not working, and relieved to be out of the pressure cooker (banking in 2008 was not a fun place to be working). Then the crisis hit and there were no jobs anyway, so I didn't have much choice. By then we'd been there 4 mths and the novelty had worn off. It wasn't so much the work I missed as the company. I got quite lonely and found it hard to make friends (I didn't have children then and most childless women I knew were working). When we moved to Asia, I did start looking, and was making progress, but then got pregnant (was planned) so that all ground to a halt as I didn't want to only have 8 wks mat leave.

I do have a very full schedule- gym, play in a tennis team, part of a writer's group, lots of play dates and groups with my son, but sometimes I do think i'd like a job. I can theoretically work (I've got a visa) but it's just the hours and lack of flexibility in my field that put me off.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 11/06/2011 04:14

@ expatagain, thanks for the welcome. I have found it an adjustment not to be working. I got a lot of my confidence and identity from it I think. Also, and I wonder if anyone else can relate to this, it is a huge surprise to be amongst so many women (they're called laydees here, of course) who haven't had higher education and careers of their own. They've been supportive wives for many years, moving from country to country every two or three years. They are very confident, competent, well-travelled and rich. I feel very different from them, and quite inadequate sometimes. Being a serial expat seems to confer higher status than being a newbie straight out of the UK. Or am I just paranoid?

TheBride · 11/06/2011 05:41

Being a serial expat seems to confer higher status than being a newbie straight out of the UK. Grin Grin So true, and then there's also the hierarchy of postings

Sydney/NY- 1 point
Dubai- 2 points
Saudi- 7 points
Lagos- 10 points

Re your observation on the LT trailing spouses, my experience is that the older women (those in their late 40's/early 50's) often do fit what you've seen, and yes, they can be somewhat formidable.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 11/06/2011 06:31

Oh yes! I've had quite a few people here tell me what an "easy" posting KL is, compared with any number of god-forsaken places such as Lagos, Abu Dhabi, Azerbijan (sp?) and Cairo. I, on the other hand, think that I have embarked on an Awfully Big Adventure. Certainly my UK friends and family think that we have gone to live in the back of beyond. In short, it is all relative!

But but but, what surprises me is that if I have the imagination to realise that their years spent living in different places is interesting, shouldn't they have the imagination to realise that my years of career-building and raising-a-big-family in the UK is interesting? Don't even answer that one! I have now realised that when I say I've moved out from the UK, they just say, "Oh" in a flat voice and jabber on excitedly about Thailand, Singapore, HK, and beyond.

Actually I am in my early fifties and so those are the women I mix with.

It isn't terrible or impossible or ghastly, it's just surprising, is all. Grin Plus, it's very character building to be thrust out of own's comfort zone. Surely?!

MmeLindor. · 11/06/2011 07:42

Grin at the hierarchy

We are totally cushy here in Geneva then.

We have gone from possibly moving to Munich to staying here for another year or so this week. Not sure if I am happy or sad about it, tbh.

Life here is lovely but a bit unreal as I can't work. At first I loved it but now, with the prospect of being able to work again dangled in front of my like a juicy carrot, I am a bit hungry to get back to work.

Colleague from Dubai may be moving here, where are they on the expat hardship hierarchy?

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 11/06/2011 07:47

Hmmmm, I have no idea Mme L as I haven't had enough experience of the world! Grin

TheBride · 11/06/2011 10:32

You get more points for Geneva than Dubai, just because of the language factor Grin.

alexpolismum · 11/06/2011 10:39

do I get extra points for Alexandroupolis then? On account of the different alphabet? Or minus points because of the looming state bankruptcy?

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