wherever you are - expat support thread, new or otherwise, sign in here for support/advice/comparing stories etc

[ExpatAgain]

Well, a few of us seem to think this is a good idea, so here goes!

I'm 39, got 2 dc both at school (youngest just half-day though) am "trailing" my husband whose job moved him to Africa 6 months ago..

I love many things about it but am struggling right now as back to being SAHM something I'm not a natural for...Looking forward to developing closer friends here. we've also had lots of security issues which we need to do something about or move house again and dc have been much more homesick than I'd reckoned for.

On the good side, it's great to have ventured out of the UK, it's a fantastic outdoor life in summer, when everything works, i've got time to keep fit, see the kids more.

Hope some of you want to join me on here

[thelittlestkiwi]

Kia Ora!

I'm 36 and moved Auckland almost three years ago, for a one year 'working holiday' with DH. We had DD 11 months after we arrived and she just turned 2. After some housing issues we bought a house in Dec so it seems we may have accidentally emigrated.

Somehow, part of me fell in love with NZ and I suspect we will always have links here. But we don't really have a plan to stay forever. I love living by the beach and have some good pals but do miss having drinking buddies for the odd night out as most people have young kids. I do a little bit of contract work for my old NGO based in the UK. I need to get a real job but am a little bit too specialised and in the wrong city.

[LeMousquetaireAnonyme]

Hi,
I am 42 with 2 DDs (6 and 1) currently in Romania (wave to going to be). Left Paris when it was still the franc went to Japan for my job then NI where I met DH (also an expat). After a few place in the UK we are in Romania 3 years and will stay as long as the contracts last/arrive.
SAHM too since DD1 was born.

EmmaNicole I had DD1 and 2 away from any family and with a DH working most of the week on site too. I will get back to you.

I do lot of things to get out of the house, expat support and mum support groups, in the UK it was fund raising for the preschool. I do have to kick my own ass regularly to get moving though.

Not homesick as home is where my family is (DH and DDs)

[eastendmummy]

Hi! Can I join? I'm a very recent expat and have just moved to Hong Kong with DH, and our 2 DS aged 3 and 1. We're finally getting settled in a new flat after a couple of months in a serviced apartment and now it's starting to feel like home. I think this is an easy place to come for an expat, we now have a maid, and if my DH didn't work so much then the social life is fantastic. The boys are settling in and we are starting to make friends and enjoy the benefits of moving here. The homesickness hasn't kicked in really, although I do have frustrations about doing stuff day to day with the kids but that was the same in London!

It's good to hear from some of you more long term expats and I'm sure this will be a really useful place to come for advice/rant as needed.

[5moreminutes]

I'm nearly 36, have 3 kids - daughter aged 5.5 and 2 sons aged 3.5 and 5 weeks!

I'm not sure I'm an ex-pat in the same sense as many on here as DH is originally from the area and we don't live an "ex-pat lifestyle" - as in we live nowhere near any other native English speakers and the kids go to local Kindergarten, will go to the local school, are bilingual, we have no real plans to move etc.

We live in Bavaria, Germany, the boys were both born here, dd born in the uk - we moved when she was 20 months and I was 6 months preg with DC2. My husband is German but we met and lived together for 5 years in the UK for years before moving here. The kids (well the 2 older ones obviously) are totally bilingual which I think is an amazing thing and one we would only have achieved living here.

Don't miss my parents as we have never been especially close nor have I lived anywhere remotely close to them in my adult life - they do visit a couple of times a year and I usually go over with the kids once a year. The kids see a lot more of my husband's family here than they would ever have seen of mine if we'd stayed in the UK so have not lost out on extended family. of my 3 sisters visit once a year or so, one never has.
I do miss friends from the UK, especially the nice group of "mummy friends" I had built up over the nearly 2 years just before we left! Also miss the ease of using my native language (have been learning German as I go along and don't know many ex pats as we don't live in a city and there are no local native English speakers) and knowing how things work, and do miss being able to chat easily with friends face to face.

I have worked a bit here on a part time basis - have a teaching background and bits and bobs of English teaching are easy to come by, but it wouldn't pay the bills!

This is a better place than the UK to raise children though imo - much more freedom and outdoor life style for the kids (we live in the countryside) and the nearness of the alps (DD can already ski pretty well) and also Italy for summer holidays is nice. Love summers here with kids outdoors all the time and the open air pool etc. but winters can be claustrophobic and long and cold!

[Portofino]

I followed DH to Belgium 5 years ago, after we were both facing redundancy. We now live just outside Brussels. It took me a good couple of years to settle, but despite missing a few things about the UK, we are ensconsed now. Dd goes to a french speaking state school and is bilingual now. I think Belgium is much more family friendly than the UK and the systems in place to support working parents are fantastic. We will not move back to UK now, but plan to buy a little house in France for our retirement.

[MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism]

How lovely to 'meet' you all. It's so interesting to hear your stories.

Do you think, for those of you who had little/no homesickness it's as a result of not having the life you would have liked in the UK? I do wonder if the fact that I was v.happy and in a lovely place has made it worse.

[MmeLindor.]

Hello all.

I have been an expat almost longer than I lived in Scotland. I moved to Germany for a year when I was 19 and met my husband on the very first day in the country. He was probably the first unmarried man I talked to in Germany :o

We lived in different cities in Germany, in Bavaria then near Hannover and Düsseldorf before moving to French speaking Switzerland 2.5 years ago. We have 2 DC, 6 and 9yo who are trilingual and go to local school.

We never lived near my parents but they have a very close relationship with the DC so I can reassure those of you who are worried about that. It is hard sometimes not having unpaid babysitters available but it gets easier.

I don't really get homesick, a little pang sometimes. Possibly because the places we have lived have been great (aside from Hannover) and we have made the most of our postings.

We are not planning to move to the UK. Next move, in a year or two, will either be back to Germany or to US. Hopefully US.

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

MrsDistinctly for me the no homesickness def isn't because I wasn't happy in the UK. I loved it there and we had a great circle of friends etc. I think I don't feel homesick because a) I've always enjoyed travelling and known that I can't stay in the same place for more than three years at a time b) I have a job here which is part of my career path so it works well for both me and DH and c) I find it easy to talk to people I don't know and am quite shameless about making new friends (quite happy to be upfront about the fact that I am looking for friends and to go along to things where I don't know anyone etc.

I lived an expat life when I was single too and I find travelling with the family infinitely easier and not nearly as lonely as that so I guess that helps too.

[wordsonascreen]

Have just seen this thread what a fab idea !
I've been in Dubai for 8 months now, two children and a DH who despite moving here so we could see more of him now seems to be travelling more than ever (hes currently back in England!)

[barbie1]

at wordsonascreen waves to fellow neighbour! Its hot out there today eh?
Dh is also away traveling at the moment, i hate the weekends with no company and a 15 month old to entertain.

Nice to see this little thread up and running, see expatagain you really don't need to bother with that nasty woman after all, you have loads of friends spread world wide

[thanksamillion]

Hi everyone
I'm 33 have three DCs (age 6, 4 and 1) and I'm in Moldova

We've been here 3.5 years and tbh it's been hard. New language without any much tutition, and we live in a small and very poor village so not much happening unless we make it. But it feels like we're making a (small) difference so that makes it worth it. Doesn't stop it being lonely though - hence lots of time on MN!

[safran]

Coming to join in.... Expat Again and barbie sorry I'm late to the party I over indulged last night with some friends and have been slowly recovering today.

Just turned 40 and living in Korea with 2 DC. We'll be heading to Hong Kong in the summer and I will miss Korea so so much, have loved my time here. Ironically I'm not looking forward to going to HK as much, because I think it will be too 'british".

I don't think I've ever been homesick - of course miss family and friends but I've always moved around a lot even as a kid so am very much at "home" whereever I'm living at the time. I've loved Korea because it is so unlike anything in Britain but I can equally see that someone else would hate the totally alien nature of the place and so get homesick/unhappy.

BTW I'm a regular name changer for no reason but paranoia but I'll make sure I reintroduce myself each time

[safran]

Waves to eastendmummy who will be my future neighbour in Hong Kong!

[bedubabe]

I'm in Qatar (waves to people the other side of Saudi in Dubai) so watching the 2022 mess unfold with interest at the moment. Been here four years now and no plans to go back to the UK.

I've got two under two and maternity leave's up in a month :(. In the process of career changing so will no longer be a trailing wife. How do people with two careers to maintain work it if changing location works for one rather and not other?

I'm jealous of everyone in the far east/africa. Have really itchy feet and want to move to a 'harder' country whilst the kids are still young and schooling doesn't really matter.

[gotobedsleepyhead]

Hello everyone, I am an expat by choice (ie we chose to move here, not here with work) - lived in Queensland Australia for 5 years in my twenties, went home, and dp and I immediately decided to come back. Since then we've had a child & I must say I wasn't prepared for the difference this would have on the level of homesickness I feel. Before I was able to put it to the back of my head but I feel huge guilt that dd is missing out on her grandparents and vice versa. I try to remember that we can always go back if we want. Other than that we love it over here and I just feel 'at home'.
MrsDistinctlyMinty - I definitely think you are homesick for what sounds like an idyllic life for you back in the uk. If I were you I should try and look on this as a bit of a holiday, and an experience for the kids. It's not perfect here & those who keep banging on that it is will just have the opposite effect on you! The dreadful homesickness will pass and you will find things to enjoy here i'm sure. I will inbox you as I am just around the corner if you need a real live rant!

[Kiwinyc]

I've been in London 10 yrs now but will be moving to Qatar (Hello bedubabe!) to join DH in August. I was born in Hong Kong, raised in NZ, and I've lived and worked in New York and Los Angeles, Sydney and London.

We have two DD's 8 and 5 and i don't want them growing up too 'British' so after Qatar we hope to head further east - Singapore, Shanghai or Hong Kong maybe...

[TheBride]

I'm in HK. Been here about 2 years and was in the ME before that. I've got a workaholic DH, a baby DS and two cats with 'tude who were souvenirs from Dubai.

Planning to stay here around another 5 yrs, although might move to Singapore at some point as DH's job is flexible (regional job so could do it from either) and the rents are frikkin' killing us.

[frikonastick]

oohh i like the idea of singapore. we are off to qatar next, because thats where the work is, but i would have loved a choice. this is a lovely thread :) i am actually having a crappy day and it helps to know there are others out there, dealing with the same sort of stuff as me and you know, surviving!

[LeMousquetaireAnonyme]

I had friends in Chisinau but they have already left, we declined visiting this winter and postpone for the spring but now we probably won't go at all.
I can imagine what small village life can be for you. Are you in a romanian or russian speaking environment?

MrsDistinctly Like the other I am not home sick because I chose to go on my own alone for 7 years then with DH. I am not a real "trailing wife" as I knew what to expect and have been consulted. Even with the companies DH have worked with, I had my "CV" checked up.

Around 2 months after arrival, is the worst period, it will get better. The honeymoon, very busy, settling time is gone and you do feel to start homesick or upset by all the things that are not easy or against your culture. It starts to grate. But will improve again and feel more homely soon.
You should avoid constantly depressed or complaining expats, they drag you down. It is not kind but ultimately they are not your problem (speaking from experience).
But do tell about how you feel to other expats, they have been there too and can explain a lot on how everything works.


EmmaNicole It is easier with DC2! This time around I didn't need to call my mum crying at silly hours because I didn't have a clue . You will need outside help though (cleaner, babysitter... even for a few hours/week). You can prepare all that in advance too. In France there is some kind of local exchange groups, you own them some skills (may be teaching english) and you get babysitting or cleaning... if money is an issue.
I had a cleaner (planned CS) and a student picked up my eldest from school everyday, I don't think I could have recovered without that.

Dreaming about east too, would love Vietnam.

[thanksamillion]

LeMous Hi - where are you in Romania? We've just got back from a weeks holiday there - it feels very western compared to here! We're in a Romanian speaking area which I'm very thankfull for!

To those of you with DCs how much do they know of UK culture? I'm wondering because mine are quite isolated in that we don't really socialise in expat circles (we're a long way from anyone else) and I'm increasingly aware that they know almost nothing of life in the UK.

[ZZZenAgain]

We're in the Czech Republic, love it here, we struck lucky. I work part-time and enjoy what I do. Could very easily stay but due to dh's work, we have another move on our hands, most likely to Singapore where I suppose I will be a SAHM again which is a bit daft since dd is already 10 and I think I am not that cut out for housework/cooking/hospitality kind of things but I will let the house go to pot and learn Chinese or something instead.

My father lived in Singapore for a while as a young man and speaks well of it and I liked it whenever we have been through on holiday, so quite happy to spend time there. I'm not really too worried about putting down roots. In a way, I think I would rather not.

[mummyontherun]

hello I'm in Switzerland the land of milk and money and I hate it so much I am in the midst of running away and going home. So relieved to read gregsausageroll post, as feel totally alone and a failure. I know how much I should like it here but I just don't. I was fulltime working mum, kids are 4 and 2, and I just cannot stand missing out on them any longer. I'm going to be a SAHM for at least a year - I just hope in later life they can forgive me for taking them back to beleaguered (sp) blighty!

[ZZZenAgain]

you do sound unhappy but I don't know if I understood you have been a SAHM or a full-time working mum in Switzerland?

[Canella]

i'm another one - been in germany for just over 2 years (hello 5moreminutes) and i absolutely love life here. Wouldnt swap it for our dingy life in the UK for a million pounds.

Have 3 dc and the security that village life offers them is astounding and the opportunities we've given them now that they are bilingual is one of the huge plus points.

Have just spent all day at a village fest in the company of great people and friends and really feel like i'm living a dream.

[Portofino]

We've had a day out at one of the Provincial domains today. To include the open air pool, a go on the mini bikes and bungee trampoline, plus a walk through the woods and feeding baby rabbits/lambs, we have spent under 20 euros. I wouldn't move back to UK if you paid me