Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

How can I find her articles? I would love to read them. I am not somebody who belongs on this thread but I stumbled across Mowly/Fay’s posts as this thread was on the ‘Mumsnet front page’. May she rest in peace, she was a beautiful soul.

Sorry Felicia We weren't going to put Mowly's full name online due to privacy concerns as its a public site.

Thanks Felicia Yes it's lovely there is a record of her left for her daughter.

Sorry I’m feeling a bit “oh woe is me” today. I’ve come down with a chest infection on top of the BC (bastard cancer) so I’m currently in hospital while they decide what to do me with. I tried to resist being admitted, because quite honestly I’d rather be at home spending what time I have left with the kids, the dog, the cats and even the bloody noisy budgie. Not laying in a hospital bed listening to my breathing when my out breathe sounds like a steam train pulling into a station.

There aren’t many days where I wish the end would hurry up but this is one of them. I haven’t even managed to watch todays episode of Neighbours which is about my only guilty pleasure left.

Going to try and snap out of it now. Sorry everyone, I just knew you’d understand

Oh @DaisyMaisyFaisy that's super rubbish.

Are they looking after you though?

I had a horrible peritoneal infection in August where I felt so rubbish I thought I was dying and was frankly quite pleased at that prospect as I felt so grim. But I've found that once you are admitted the various teams seem to swing into action and I felt very looked after. Hoping they get the right antibiotics in you asap so you can get home quickly.

@DaisyMaisyFaisy oohh feel better soon! There is nothing worse than going to get something checked out at the hospital and the nurse rounds the corner with the dreaded wristband. Ok, sometimes yeah, you need to be there, but its never fun and such a disruption from normal day to day living. I like having my stuff around me and the option to go get my own snack and meals, always lose weight in the hospital!

Still doing this head cold although Im wondering if it isnt Covid (of course home test says negative and that was a newer test). Terrible sore throat and swollen tonsils, every lymph node along my neck is swollen, low fever, loss of appetite, headache. There was a bit of cough but that may have gone now. I hocked out two enormous, really disgusting globs this afternoon from my sinuses and that seems to have helped the sore throat and cough. Ill call it in tomorrow and probably get hauled into the assessment unit for the day (at least they have nice veggie sandwiches on the lunch cart) as Im at risk for pneumonitis on this current drug.

I've just heard back from the lovely Knotty & Pistey and they will be making a woolly hug for Mowly/Fay's daughter. They have asked for ideas for squares I have given some ideas but if anyone else has any please add/PM. I have done cats, newspaper, US, heart to show love for daughter possibly with first names/initials together, English beach. I'm not a knitter so don't know what's possible but they seem very talented and could probably adjust things. Daughter is 5. Said will start in next week or so. Think they ask people to knit squares and donations for wool.

@Silkiebunny she loved walking I know that much, she was still taking walks like 4 or 5 weeks before - perhaps a park scene? Perhaps a typewriter or books. I seem to recall reading somewhere more general online) that she was writing a book about herself and her experience with her mom, perhaps those two names/initials in addition to hers and her daughters and her husbands? She was also a big fan of music, especially Kate Bush (saw her in 2014) and had Madonna tickets but couldn't go.

Thanks so much Herbal.

Fay's obituary is now online.

I have read it, @Silkiebunny, thanks for pointing it out. Still can believe it had happened. I have just got a new phone and have set up the Legacy contact (person who can access all my stuff stored on iCloud), and it said something along the lines “Legacy contact will have to have the QR code and @balkanscot’s death certificate.” Just seeing my name next to these words (death certificate) is just so surreal.

Is there anyway we can see it? I did try to Google but didn't manage to find it. I'd appreciate a PM, we obviously all knew it was coming but she will be missed.

Yes that's fine wited There are two online, one an obituary and one from the funeral directors with a picture of her.

So sorry Balkan That must be incredibly difficult to see and I hope you can defy the odds for as long as possible.

Hi all, just sticking my nose in after a week full of appointments, currently trying to pick up my pieces and stick them back together, otherwise dirty laundry pile and dirty dish pile may join forces and sit on my head. Have a little chemo break and am hoping to have the strength to slowly massage the chaos into... less chaos? Or something. Hugs to the whole thread and keep your peckers up, not in the rude sense of course. 😊 😁

No peckers have been up in that sense in my household for quite a while...but, despite it being chemo week , I'm excited that DS1 is coming home from university on Friday and trying to do what Xmas prep I can as my next round is brilliantly timed for the week running up to Christmas.

@LuciaPillson I wish I could pop round and help with your domestic chaos. But just take your time and remember you can't eat an elephant in one go!

@Silkiebunny please may I have a PM re Mowly as well please.

I can't knit. How can I do something for the woolly hug?

In other news, my will is nearly written. Met with my solicitor on Thursday and got it all sorted.
Just need to sort my funeral and then DH and DS are all set.

Getting a will done is top of my to do pile for January when Im off work. Ive been putting it off for too long and its not like it needs to be super complicated because its all going more or less to my husband and if any family want something in particular great, they can ask for it and he can dish it out. But after spending overnight in resus in July with the embolism and writing out passwords in my notebook 'just in case' and now seeing just how fast things can turn, I want everything tidy and off my mind.

I sorted out POA (power of attorney) and will as soon as I had found out I was stage 4. The awful situation with my DH made me realise how important it is to have all the back up in place. Luckily, he sorted out POA and will as soon as he was diagnosed with glioblastoma but even then, getting all the passwords was a Kafkaesque nightmare. Glioblastoma progressed so fast that soon after he was in no fit state to do anything.

Eventually we managed to get a password for Bitwarden where he put all the passwords. Still, when it came for me to start phoning up all the companies trying to change personal details & passwords, Jesus fucking wept. Death admin is the most soul destroying god awful thing.

At least someone else will have to deal with all this shit later after I am gone.

Thanks, @Silkiebunny, every time I take Capecitabine I do a little prayer. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night. Every time I get any aches & pains, too. And I am supposed to be an atheist!

You can donate wool once the colours etc have been decided one. There should be updates on the Wooly Hugs board.

I’m sorry, the above was in reply to Wren.

Hey, everyone.

Well I'm supposed to be using my time off chemo to sort out my place and all the mess I've created while having too many appointments. But instead, I'm falling asleep every few hours and waking up all dozy and unco-ordinated, having been moved forward in time with nothing accomplished. Very cross about this. Why are the gods of daytime wakefulness not bestowing their blessings on me?

Oh poo @LuciaPillson . Sorry you aren't achieving this week. Cannot tell you how much I wish I could come and give you a hand. Funny week here, I've pushed on through the chemo tiredness, amazingly excessive wind and other side effects to try and get the house Christmas-ready for when DS1 comes home on Friday but mentally I am not in a great place. Keep doing stuff I normally love and wondering if it will be the last time...

It's Mowly's funeral tomorrow at 2pm. I'll be raising a glass to her with a good sweary toast, anyone want to join me virtually?