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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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LuciaPillson · 05/12/2023 21:37

@TwigTheWonderKid Absolutely poo, that's the other thing 😳 Well I'm achieving I guess but at the speed of a particularly relaxed, laissez-faire and chilled-out snail. I need the sleep I suppose? Heartening to hear of your accomplishments though. I know it's beyond annoying when you're going about your business and a huge neon sign keeps flashing on and off: 'It's the LAST TIME... or, is it?' I thought it was last Christmas when I was fresh out of surgery, new and awful diagnosis, and insisted on decorating my tiny tree, did not think I'd be doing it again...

Yes, might be raising a glass of water or cup of herbal tea but will try to be there for Mowly 🍷 ☕

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/12/2023 22:07

@LuciaPillson you probably do need the sleep most of all. I'm sure it's tempting to use this "free time" to get things done that have been mounting up but even without throwing cancer into the mix when life's been busy and it calms down it's inevitable that the tiredness catches up with you.

LuciaPillson · 05/12/2023 22:10

🐌🐌🐌😴😁

LuciaPillson · 05/12/2023 22:16

BTW the mini getaway thread in AIBU is pretty great for distracting from cancer concerns (gets good a few pages in) but it may not stay up for long.... I'm having fun while it lasts!

balkanscot · 06/12/2023 09:37

Oooh, I love a good AIBU thread, may peek now to see if it’s still there.

@TwigTheWonderKid naps are so underrated! I love a good nap but with an 11-year old around I always feel guilty if I am not awake enough, especially now that I am a widow and a single parent.

Raising a non-alcoholic glass to Mowly! 🍷There isn’t even a non alcoholic emoji. 😳I need to keep stroking my liver and pander to it in order for Cape to do its bit. I have now red, raw peeling skin on my heels and there is an ulcer party on the side of my tongue. But other than that… Will be entering my week-long break from Cape tomorrow.

TwigTheWonderKid · 06/12/2023 11:05

@balkanscot were you told you couldn't drink alcohol on Cape? I haven't been told that.

Sorry about the H&FS I assume you've tried the Voltarol?

balkanscot · 06/12/2023 11:30

@TwigTheWonderKid I am just not keen on alcohol since my mets are in my liver. I don’t want to make it work harder than it has to. Bloody mets are bilobular, on both sides of my liver. Fuckers!

And I always forget to ask the Cape nurse about Voltarol - is it OK to use it? I remember my mum using it for her rheumatism. I am currently using Udderly Smooth which has healed up the skin around my nails (on my hands) nicely but it’s all on my heels now.

TwigTheWonderKid · 06/12/2023 12:03

That certainly makes sense re Cape and your liver.

Re Voltarol, @TopOfTheCliff mentioned using it and I Googled and there was a small study in India which saw fairly positive results. My oncologist had never heard of using it (surprise, surprise) but I've been using it and only had a tiny bit of peeling when I'd run out. It may be a coincidence but I think it's worth a try.

Study: Diclofenac Gel Prevents Hand-Foot Syndrome

An inexpensive topical diclofenac gel can help prevent hand-foot syndrome in people taking the chemotherapy Xeloda.

https://www.breastcancer.org/research-news/diclofenac-prevents-hand-foot-syndrome

LuciaPillson · 06/12/2023 12:16

Maybe I need to look into this, I only have mild reddening and some cracking/peeling/dryness in hands but still worth checking out perhaps. I have 5FU infusions, not Cape but have found 5FU listed as one that can cause hand-foot syndrome. The chemist's seems to have an equivalent of Voltarol but it's being marketed as pain relief.

StrawberryJellyBelly · 06/12/2023 13:52

With much love to Mowly today and always. ❤️

TwigTheWonderKid · 06/12/2023 14:04

Yes, raising a virtual glass to our lovely Mowly, having a little weep, and thinking of her little girl and her family.

LuciaPillson · 06/12/2023 14:07

Here for Mowly with... well, a plastic tumbler of water. Remembering the time she was trying not to flash her minge at the Tesco delivery man after she'd answered the door in a nightie with eye mask askew and opening with the words "I'm not very well".

BeaLola · 06/12/2023 14:18

Thinking of Mowly and her beautiful little girl, raising a glass to you today and sending love always ❤️

LuciaPillson · 06/12/2023 14:24

(raises glass, well, tumbler) now thinking of Mowly shuffling to nearby park in her pjs and duvet coat, collecting conkers and acorns for her daughter, side eyeing another woman's superior conker collecting skills, shuffling home again and getting Taco Bell.

LuciaPillson · 06/12/2023 14:30

Also: Mowly going for a shuffle down the beach in same stylish aggressively-floral duvet coat, and managing a half at her favourite beachside bar.

SierraSapphire · 06/12/2023 15:15

❤️

StrawberryJellyBelly · 06/12/2023 15:30

LuciaPillson · 06/12/2023 14:24

(raises glass, well, tumbler) now thinking of Mowly shuffling to nearby park in her pjs and duvet coat, collecting conkers and acorns for her daughter, side eyeing another woman's superior conker collecting skills, shuffling home again and getting Taco Bell.

That’s how I’ve thought of her these last few weeks. Going to the park in her big coat and sitting on a bench eating a donut she’d just bought because she was in the mood of one.

Fantasea · 06/12/2023 15:42

Thinking of Mowly and her little girl today ❤️

Silkiebunny · 06/12/2023 15:54

Raising a puffin mug of hot water and lime juice to Fay (weird drink to lose Tamoxifen weight) and her lovely little girl. Thinking of you all.

EachandEveryone · 06/12/2023 19:56

Please could you pm me the link to Mowlys notice. Im thinking of her little girl and Barbra today I hope they are a comfort to each other. And her husband. It brings it all home how indiscriminate this stupid disease is. It makes me so angry at times. I have also gone off booze right from day one so it will a cup of Yorkshire for me x

thesandwich · 06/12/2023 20:16

Thoughts of mowly and her little girl here too. ❤️

Silkiebunny · 06/12/2023 20:17

Will PM that over now Each

Tilllly · 06/12/2023 21:00

I didn't know her and didn't get much time to interact with her
But she made me feel welcome
And the love and warmth she shared is an amazing legacy

WrenNatsworthy · 07/12/2023 12:25

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/12/2023 20:55

Oh poo @LuciaPillson . Sorry you aren't achieving this week. Cannot tell you how much I wish I could come and give you a hand. Funny week here, I've pushed on through the chemo tiredness, amazingly excessive wind and other side effects to try and get the house Christmas-ready for when DS1 comes home on Friday but mentally I am not in a great place. Keep doing stuff I normally love and wondering if it will be the last time...

It's Mowly's funeral tomorrow at 2pm. I'll be raising a glass to her with a good sweary toast, anyone want to join me virtually?

Catching up.

Raising my cuppa to Mowly a day late.

Twig, I've been like that. Half loving Christmas prep and half wondering if I'll still be here next year. I googled what late stage lung cancer is like and so far no symptoms.

I do have pains in my lungs on occasion but I'm sure they are asthma related. I'm obsessive about staying out of the cold.
I sing in a band and a choir and I'm deep breathing as much as I can.

Consultant from Clatterbridge called me this week - still no trials for me as yet.

Saw my hospice nurse and gave her a Christmas present, she told me off but I told I knew she would do that and I was going to ignore her! I'm sleeping a lot but other than that nothing to report.

Sending you all my love 💓

LuciaPillson · 07/12/2023 16:38

Am so feckingly annoyed. Had planned to go out this am to supermarket & pick up pain meds, then had some back twinges so took another tablet. Then, had unplugged phone from charger and taken it into other room to see if someone had messaged me back (not being able to carry phone about with me everywhere in manner of young people who I can only assume have an extra retractable hand somewhere). And that's the last I've seen of my phone. Gone. Poltergeists? What in heaven's name is wrong with me. Been searching for an hour.. I guess I'll just crack on with tidying the flat and hope it turns up. But so blisteringly annoyed and was trying to plan things with people but don't know if they've messaged me, I've emailed them but crickets and my head started to ache too just in solidarity with my back or something. Is this what chemo does to the brain or am I just useless. Not that brain was up to much before. FECK
Aaaaaaaanywho, will go and drudge around some more and see what happens. Hate stupid chemo poltergeists.