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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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WrenNatsworthy · 21/11/2023 18:14

What a beauty.

WrenNatsworthy · 21/11/2023 22:55

Sorry that was about @AGreatUsername 's furry delight, but could have applied to any of them.

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/11/2023 07:31

Good Morning. How are we all doing? Still thinking about Mowly and finding it hard to accept that we won't ever know when she's gone.

It's my week's break from chemo and I'm feeling quite good. Looking for to DS1 coming home from uni for the weekend.

Had to go back to hospital yesterday as the cat managed to jump on my newly installed PICC line and make it bleed. Was worried I'd be sent to A&E but one of the lovely chemo nurses sorted it out.

What are we all up to today?

Tilllly · 23/11/2023 07:53

I had a call from the oncologist last night, he wants me to come in and see him this morning so that's my day

So either the MRI shows it has spread to my brain, or the CT shows the field is to large for radiotherapy

@DaisyMaisyFaisy I feel for you. I had BC in 2021, now have primary lung cancer stage 3c. It is unfair

Tilllly · 23/11/2023 07:55

Cats in honour of Brenda 💔

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
TwigTheWonderKid · 23/11/2023 08:44

@Tilllly I'm sorry, you must be in pieces. In your place I know my mind would be going straight to worst case scenarios but could it be possible that they are calling you in urgently to get treatment started asap? Please let us know how you get on.

Your cats are fab. I love black cats!

LuciaPillson · 23/11/2023 08:59

@Tilllly Hugs and I hope as @TwigTheWonderKid says it's not for a bad reason, they do like to scare us silly I think. But will be thinking about you. Also, lovely kitties!

@TwigTheWonderKid glad they managed to sort the cat damage! Silly floof.

Tilllly · 23/11/2023 13:04

The MRI scan was not totally clear, there is a tiny dot that they can't identify so they will repeat this in a few weeks. It might be a brain tumour but most likely just an artefact of the scan

more concerning is i cannot have radiotherapy. The cancer is too advanced and spread for it to be safe, I was on the cusp but the tests last week show i am now well above safe limits - it would do too much damage to the healthy lung tissue and the heart

so plan C is a different type of chemo, alongside immunotherapy. Not as effective as radio and chemo, but may still control the cancer, and i can have this every 2 or 3 weeks for up to 2 years. He said 2 years would be a "very good outcome".

on the plus side, i won't have the radiation burns so i can still have Cmas dinner and i might not lose all my hair as its less aggressive

usual list of nasty side effects, plus the new one of my immune system attacking healthy organs instead of the tumour

I have had a ton of blood tests, and a B12 injection, and have a prescription for steroids and for folic acid - I did double check that one ;)

So not good news but some positives in there

LuciaPillson · 23/11/2023 15:09

@Tilllly Well I hope it will be a regimen that will be gentle for you and give you good QoL with energy to do some fun things. Hopefully it will be easier than the radiation would have been. I'm on a similar "may control it" combination (which currently is actually controlling it but of course being me I never feel that it will continue to do so) which consists of a low dose of one chemo agent (was taken off the more neurotoxic one), and a regular dose of one immunotherapy drug. Don't read up on all the possible side effects as you won't get them all! I scared myself about the immunotherapy but so far, just some nosebleeds. Hugs!

HerbalRefreshmentt · 23/11/2023 19:54

Has anyone taken a super high dose of Vit D and can suggest best ways to take it/what to watch out for? Ive been prescribed 20K once a week for 10 weeks and I guess I worry its like iron where my stomach will be upset or something.

IcedupTulip · 23/11/2023 22:32

This thread was on active and I clicked. I’m nearly in tears reading everyone’s stories. You are all going through so much and it’s not fair.

I hope Mowly managed to read some books to her daughter and they are enjoying some time together. 💔

TwigTheWonderKid · 23/11/2023 22:44

Sorry @HerbalRefreshmentt sorry, no experience or advice. Do you mind me asking why you've been prescribed this?

@Tilllly so sorry it wasn't better news but also glad it wasn't worse. It's amazing what you celebrate/ accept when you have cancer, isn't it? I expect it's a lot to take in, but we're all here for you.

TwigTheWonderKid · 26/11/2023 16:41

Just checking in to see how everyone is. It's been very quiet on here. I hope that's because everyone is having "good" days and have found something more exciting to do than Mumsnet.

I'm on a bit of pain but DS1.hime from uni so I am cooking him roast dinner before he goes back and yesterday we managed a Christmas fair and lunch out.

Back to reality with bloods and Oncologist tomorrow.

Tilllly · 26/11/2023 19:40

I've been much the same @TwigTheWonderKid

Walk around a NT with a Cmas fair, with friends and their crazy dog today

My son got married yesterday. The big shindig is still going ahead in February but they had a civil ceremony and meal yesterday, short notice.

I said they didn't need to for me but...

I've caved and started on the oramorph. Honestly if I start to hallucinate, it better be something good

Silkiebunny · 26/11/2023 21:46

I am really sorry to say that I have just been given news that the lovely Mowly has passed on the day of her last message and I have 3 PMs from her that day, one swearing 😎so she was with us to the end in full spirit.

I am sending love to all her family and especially her 5 year old daughter. Your Mum was wonderful and she loved you very much. Mowly's name was Fay, I won't give the full name as it's a public site but I hope she is at peace now.

We are going to organise a woolly hug for her daughter and her family. Sending love to everyone on the thread. You are forever in our hearts Fay.

Tilllly · 26/11/2023 22:00

Thank you for telling us @Silkiebunny, are you ok?
Bastard cancer 🤬

Silkiebunny · 26/11/2023 22:08

Thanks Tillly and congratulations on your son's wedding. Yes I am OK thank you, just been swimming and came back to the very sad news in a PM. But I do know Fay had made it back home and was with her daughter and her cats even if they were avoiding her and her family from the US was over.

TwigTheWonderKid · 26/11/2023 22:16

Thanks for letting us know @Silkiebunny . Though I think somehow I knew already she was gone. I've been reading lots of her articles online this week. I really wish we had met in different circumstances, she was a fabulous woman and I am raising a glass to her this evening.

WrenNatsworthy · 26/11/2023 22:46

Thank you @Silkiebunny . Like @TwigTheWonderKid I somehow knew as well.

I've been quiet because I've been feeling pretty well. I don't feel like I have a stage 4 incurable cancer at all the moment. DS starts GCSE mocks tomorrow and I feel well enough to drive him into school each day. He usually walks but I wanted to do something to help.
This time last year I couldn't have done that. Strange how I feel better since stopping all treatment. Long may it continue.

balkanscot · 27/11/2023 08:19

@Silkiebunny thank you for the sad update. 💔 It is a stark reminder that this bastard disease is indiscriminate. I have googled @mowly77’s articles online last night and seeing her photo next to them, I just can’t... She was younger than me and with the same bloody BRCA2 that none of us wanted yet luck of the genetic draw clearly thought otherwise. Fuck!

I am on the 2nd cycle of cape now. Same dose. Feeling fine but very vigilant of any side effects that may be lurking around. Please work, please work, please work…

I have been symptomless throughout this shitshow (since March). How can these bastard secondary mutating lesions be in my liver yet I feel like your average Joe on the street??? And I only asked for the CT last February because I was spooked by my husband’s death and it was meant to be a reassurance scan. How??? I should stop asking myself that, really.

HerbalRefreshmentt · 27/11/2023 09:39

Thanks for letting us know @Silkiebunny - I think perhaps we were all waiting for confirmation. Given her last message she was out of energy and on oxygen, I assumed it would have only been a few days, but then again, didn't expect her to pop up unexpectedly on the 18th! She can rest well now, without the ongoing pain and discomfort.

I have come down with another head cold, one of those two day hit and run jobs where you have a sore throat and feel kinda blah but not blah enough to lay around. My leg seemed to come on leaps and bounds overnight so am happy about that. Perhaps a normal gait WILL be possible by Christmas!

@TwigTheWonderKid I was prescribed that dose for 10 weeks. Seems like you need to take it with a high fat meal. Hello, cheese!

DaisyMaisyFaisy · 27/11/2023 12:08

Thanks for letting us know, I’ve been hit with a chest infection on top of everything else and I’m now sobbing over someone I never met.

Thinking of her family

Fantasea · 27/11/2023 12:18

@Silkie thank you for letting us know the sad news, she was a remarkable lady who gave so much to us all here. I'm thinking of her little girl and the rest of her family.

TwigTheWonderKid · 27/11/2023 17:09

Should one of us post on the cancer support thread to let them know?

Silkiebunny · 27/11/2023 17:55

Yes it might be worth you/someone putting a message on the general cancer thread Twig, I put one on the Great Recovery thread but forgot about the general one as I don't tend to go on that one now but I think Fay was on it as well.