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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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mowly77 · 18/11/2023 10:08

I wish that too Lucia.

I’m doing talk to text so it’s a disaster. One thing that’s quite sad is my daughter is scared of how I look, me being in the bed in the dining room and the oxygen tube I’ve got in and the fact I can’t move out of bed so she’s really just walking past me and waving. I’m happy that she’s happy —- she doesn’t have to say anything to me but it means I can’t read the final books bought for us to read together about mummies die. I don’t have enough energy in me to record them I think I so that’s the only sad thing.

It does make me wonder if I should’ve gone to hospice care instead but I would’ve been too sick to come home from that to see my daughter —- I still could go, it’s an option I actually need to have a catheter and the other poo stuff put in because I literally have run out of energy for wee on a commode & I haven’t been taking laxatives because am too scared of not being able to make it to toilet. It’s happened so quickly literally days so I have to now accept a lot of undignified things I don’t want to accept in my own home but that’s just how it is today. lots and lots of love to you I’m so pleased to read all your messages still.

OP posts:
Remaker · 18/11/2023 10:15

@mowly77 do you have a special expensive item of clothing that Brenda’s claws would ruin? Stick that on your bed and she’ll be on there like a shot (after showing you her butthole).

LuciaPillson · 18/11/2023 10:30

@Remaker lmao!

@mowly77 Oh that all really really sucks, but I think I'd want to be home if I possibly could. Getting up for commode is far too hard and dangerous if you aren't breathing right. If anyone can help you out with catheters and whatnot at home it might really make things easier, though gross of course but I already have such strange things going on loo-wise that I'm sure my ideas on the subject aren't entirely sane.

fluffy2buffy · 18/11/2023 11:08

Oh course you have a cat called Brenda. The second best cat name ever, after Janet. I am so happy to see your name in green.

StrawberryJellyBelly · 18/11/2023 11:37

Oh my goodness. Mowly ❤️

it’s so good to see you ❤️

SummerCycling · 18/11/2023 13:33

Mowly ❤

So lovely to hear from you, I've been thinking of you so much.

Brenda is an epic name for a cat 💜Our dog used to have a poodle friend called Alan, which we thought was hilarious.

I'm so glad you're home from hospital; at home or near home, not so far away like Sutton was.

Lots and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TwigTheWonderKid · 18/11/2023 14:23

@mowly77 I would suggest getting someone to furnish Brenda with a cardboard box which is slightly too small for her. Smudge has appropriated this one. It's very annoying as I can't quite stretch out to my full length in bed. But Smudge does not care.

Failing that, some really crunchy, rustly, almost cardboard-like packing packing paper apparently also makes an enticing bed.

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
HerbalRefreshmentt · 18/11/2023 14:23

@mowly77 thank you for taking the time and energy to give a bit of an update - glad to see you were able to get home and be surrounded not only by the people you love but all your things and, of course, Brenda.

Sometimes people have a surge of energy before the absolute end, someone I know was up and walking/doing squats not four days before she went, saying she felt amazing. Maybe that would be a good time to record some things for your daughter, or read together.

Best wishes to you and your lovely little family.

Lndnmummy · 18/11/2023 14:35

Mowly❤️🙏

DasAlteLeid · 18/11/2023 15:28

@mowly77

I know no one with cancer wants to hear ‘you’re so brave’ and all that bollocks, because obviously you have no choice, but as a fellow gallows humour fan, I hope you don’t mind me saying the dignity and wit with which you’ve met this shitty, shitty situation is just awe-inspiring to me, and is worth its weight in commodes and catheters. You are someone who I’ve thought about since first reading some of your posts a year or two ago. I think I’ll think of you forever (online weirdo alert). I will bugger off now as this isn’t a thread for me, just wanted to send all the love I reserve for online strangers who make me laugh out loud xxxx

DasAlteLeid · 18/11/2023 15:28

@mowly77 also this

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
RedRosesPinkLilies · 18/11/2023 19:48

@mowly77 Obviously hard to say anything useful. I’m in awe, and hope I’m as brave when my time comes, might not be that far away - I’d hoped for better results from chemo. Fecking cancer hasn’t given in as much as I would like

I think we are creating a chain of brave women accepting our fate with style and humour. What else can we do?

with love xxx

Silkiebunny · 19/11/2023 00:12

I am glad you are at home Mowly I am sorry your DD is a bit nervous about it, would imagine that's normal, glad she's still OK. I will have to bring you Floof down to attract her back in your room. Though not sure how Floof and your cats would get on, Floof loves everyone but think could be bossed around quite easily by girl cats. He is really stupid though, he only knows about two words. Hope you aren't in too much pain and hanging on in there. I went to a fancy black tie dinner tonight at old uni college and wore a sparkly silver dress and Floof was in love with it, his big paw kept stroking it, I was a giant Christmas decoration. You can see the intelligence. 🤔

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
DaisyMaisyFaisy · 19/11/2023 06:21

Glad you’re home Mowly, and I agree Brenda is such an amazing name for a cat! I’ve got Geoffrey and Clive!

What’s your little girls name?

MrsPositivity1 · 19/11/2023 15:27

@mowly77 I'm so glad you are home. Your daughter will come around and you are adding to her memories of how brave you are and how you wanted to be near her.

I'm sending you so all much love

WrenNatsworthy · 19/11/2023 23:40

Oh God @mowly77 I had a little break from Mumsnet and have been crying because I haven't got to say goodbye. I'm glad you're still here for a wee bit longer and I know we've never met but I bloody love you xxxx

LuciaPillson · 20/11/2023 11:31

Hugs all round to the thread and to our dear @mowly77. So many of us lurking in the aether here with the most loving of thoughts for you mowly and for one another as well as we cope with our own cancer shitshows. So thankful for this thread and for all of you! xox

Silkiebunny · 20/11/2023 13:14

Sending love from Floof and I to Mowly and all on the thread. Floof wouldn't be abandoning you in your bed Mowly, he would however be wrecking all your medical equipment. Currently knocking robins off Christmas tree.

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
WrenNatsworthy · 20/11/2023 14:27

This is one of mine, she's called Hope.
Love from us both to all today. XxX

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
TwigTheWonderKid · 20/11/2023 18:08

How kind of her to inspect your shopping!

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/11/2023 18:09

Here's mine in his luxury cat bed...

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Fantasea · 20/11/2023 18:28

Lovely @mowly77 sending you my love and to everyone else on here Xxx.

I'm really enjoying seeing the photos of everyone's cats!

AGreatUsername · 20/11/2023 19:39

Mowly I was so pleased to see you post. Sending you so much love and peace.

Obligatory cat picture. My mainecoon thinking he is a baby.

Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!
Silkiebunny · 20/11/2023 21:19

Lovely to see the other cats, hope your still hanging on in there Mowly, sending love.

WrenNatsworthy · 21/11/2023 18:13

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/11/2023 18:08

How kind of her to inspect your shopping!

She was sat in the veg box!