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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

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HerbalRefreshmentt · 31/10/2023 13:35

So I had a great weekend - went out Friday night (like a bad ass, straight from Cyberknife haha), fab brunch with friend on Saturday, did ALL the cooking on Sunday because I was feeling better - I mean, I baked bread from scratch. May have just over done it, as my poor pelvis/glute was getting a bit irritated last night before my last session. But no matter, still met up with hubs for dinner out (241 pizza night!) and was hauling around like I had this DIALED and would be off the cane in a few days.

Had a massive pain flare last night and inflammation ahoy. A weird sort of pain - somewhere between nerve and muscular but very very annoying/painful and nothing was touching it. Then my knees/ankles (???) had stabbing pain and yeah it was a terrible night. I had rads follow up this morning and still called in at 7 am to report pain, so they upped my morphine and got me some more steroids. I was a total wreck there and back, but within an hour of getting things sorted at home, feeling much better now. Thank god for the free samples at Ole and Steen so I could take the dex en route!

Completely wiped out so will be dozing this afternoon - the sun sure is nice though.

Twig - I love your Smudge, does he Nurse Cat? Our lady cat seems to always know when Im not feeling great, so she rocks up and sleeps next to me - she's waiting right now actually!

Tilllly · 01/11/2023 18:28

Hi, 👋🏻

I had breast cancer, three years ago, and now I have stage 3C Lung Cancer

They have confirmed today that it is not metastatic breast cancer, but a completely independent cancer, because I'm greedy like that

I see the oncology consultant on November 9 and the plan is to start with radiotherapy. even though the field is bigger than they would usually treat. There are tumours in the left lung and affected lymph nodes in both lungs.

This will also be complimented by chemotherapy, lucky me!

Early indications are it is a genetic mutation that has caused this cancer, so they are mapping that and perhaps immunotherapy might be an option too

None of the tests have completely ruled out spread to the brain, but it has not spread anywhere else in the body yet. So I am having an MRI on the 13th.

They are throwing everything, but the kitchen sink at it, but are very clear that this is about local control and not a cure

So I was invited over to join you guys on the side of the cancer threats.

Hello!

TwigTheWonderKid · 01/11/2023 18:35

Sorry you paid the price for your exciting weekend @HerbalRefreshmentt but you've got to grab it where you can, haven't you?

Flushed from my Sunday roast success (@LuciaPillson roat lam, roat veg, fruit salad and cheese and biscuits) I decided very late on Sunday might to book train tickets for me and DS2 to York. I had been hoping we could go as this is my week off chemo, but the side effects are so unpredictable, you never know do a last minute booking seemed a good plan. As we haven't been on a proper holiday this year I also booked us a night in a very nice hotel. York is quite compact so was manageable and we had a lovely time but I was blooming exhausted and lots of bits of me are hurting or aching today.

TwigTheWonderKid · 01/11/2023 18:47

Welcome @Tilllly ! Glad you found us but sorry you are here.

Everyone here is very lovely. We often use quite a lot of gallows humour to get us through, along with equal quantities of moaning and laughing.

I still visit and occasionally post on the general cancer support thread but a diagnosis of incurable cancer can often feel a little isolating and it's great to be in a place where everyone else gets how you are feeling.

Like you, I also had breast cancer but now have a different cancer which is likely to finish me off fairly soon. Just taking one day at a time right now.

TwigTheWonderKid · 01/11/2023 19:43

@HerbalRefreshmentt , Smudge is indeed an excellent Nurse Cat. He spends most of his day with me and at night sleeps next to me with his head on my pillow.

Tilllly · 01/11/2023 20:10

I have three feline nurses

They do not see cancer as being anything to interfere in their daily dose of adoration

Twig it's shit but I look for the positives and hope you have some.
My friends calling it damn fuck shit cancer
DFSC for short

I'm all for a bit of gallows humour, especially since my husband, and two boys are not fans...

TwigTheWonderKid · 01/11/2023 20:30

How old are your boys @Tilllly ?mine are 18 and 14. My 18 year asks me lots of questions and is clearly very worried about me, although I am delighted that it didn't stop him going off to university in September, but, despite us being very honest and open when I was diagnosed, I think my 14 yo is in denial.

Tilllly · 01/11/2023 20:40

19 and 32
The eldest is an ED doctor - actually unhelpful - and just seems angry and bossy
The youngest is at Uni. He has psych sessions as he has MH issues but he's doing ok, and his partner is going down for a few days

WrenNatsworthy · 01/11/2023 20:48

I just wrote a long post.
DS came in so I turned my phone off.
Lost it.

Arggghhh

I'm feeling a bit weepy. One of the nurse cats is next to me.

TwigTheWonderKid · 01/11/2023 21:30

Oh @WrenNatsworthy that's rubbish and often happens to me when I've done a super long post replying to everyone.

Hope you are feeling less weepy now and ready to post again.

Tilllly · 01/11/2023 22:24

@WrenNatsworthy
I'm sending a big de-weeping cyber hug

(That sounds quite sinister...)

mowly77 · 01/11/2023 23:43

I had a great nurse cat, so loving, but he was a bit licky and his breath stank. Sadly he had to go to sleep for ever earlier this summer. I’ve got Brenda who sometimes is an excellent nurse cat & sometimes
a standoffish bitch from hell.

OP posts:
mowly77 · 02/11/2023 07:44

I’m lying here convinced the cancer has metastised to my liver so that’s FUN.

messaged my consultant yesterday.

am supposed to supervise a Halloween party at DD’s school tonight & I have the best witches cape to wear so currently trying to conserve my 🥄🥄🥄 by going back to sleep. The liver pain is having a few other ideas. I could really do with getting out of Cancerland right now but I can’t see the goddamnned door.

love to all as usual

OP posts:
Rugbycomet · 02/11/2023 07:59

CoachBeardsJane · 06/08/2023 00:17

Joining in :) I have stage 4 melanoma and immunotherapy has got rid of all the tumours which is absolutely incredible, but it still feels like the shittiest stick ever. Thanks for the thread

I too have this and was due to start my 4th cycle of immunotherapy but my bloods are no right. How many cycles did you end up having? I have the BRAF mutation and so it’s very aggressive. Glad to hear your treatment is working.
Best Wishes to all of you.….
@mowly77 ….thank you for starting this thread

WrenNatsworthy · 02/11/2023 08:55

Right. I've woken up and everyone else is asleep apart from the cats who are wandering around the room knocking things over so I get up and feed them. DH can always sleep through this. I'm ignoring them.

I'm going to attempt to remember what I wrote before my post was lost in the auto refresh.

@mowly77 I cried when I read about your daughter wanting to show you things and you being too ill..It's fucking unfair and it sucks.

@Tilllly hiiiii, cyber hug right back atcha

@TwigTheWonderKid I'm glad you made it to York.

I went to London at the weekend for a 'work' thing. Before Cancer I ran 2 businesses and worked part time. Now just the one business left, which is a CIC I run with my friend. We've pared it right down but the youth theatre is the last bit to go - because it's my favourite. It'll be wound down completely soon and I'm so sad. Anyway I was in London for this thing the National Theatre do and I loved it but by the Sunday I was too tired to function. I am only just recovering.

I've got some weird shit going on in my lower right abdomen. GP ruled out appendicitis so has booked scans. Is it more mets or constipation? Watch this space! Strange being back under the GP again. I saw a nurse practitioner who got pissy with me when I corrected him about my condition. I'm allowed to know about my own body you egotistical twat. Thank you - that was good to get out!

I mentioned lots of you by name in the previous post but I have garbled on for ages so I'd best press post before I lose this one.

WrenNatsworthy · 02/11/2023 09:01

BTW @mowly77 I have liver mets and they've not caused me any pain thus far. I dunno. Is that helpful? I hope you get to wear your sparkly cape later on after your sleep.

Tilllly · 02/11/2023 09:27

@mowly77
I need to see the cape!

LuciaPillson · 02/11/2023 10:13

Lots of things made me frustrated and angry yesterday.

Pouch change scheduled for the morning and I overslept so didn't have a lot of time, and body had decided to go into full diarrhea mode. Which let's just say does not make things easier. Luckily got through it with not much trouble but was then late. Had 4 separate panics about losing things and 3 times found the thing in question on my walker, safe and sound. Probably arrived (thanks to family member driving me) on time for chemo but had intended to go in early.

Chemo appt had been made for late morning when I prefer early morning, they were running slow so I had a 2 1/2 hour wait before chemo started and didn't get home till around 3.30 and by the time I'd prepared food it was about 4. I'd had a very small breakfast, a few spoonfuls of dry cereal with my dex and a few goldfish crackers after chemo while waiting to be picked up. Can't eat during chemo or wait because ostomy pouch will fill up and trying to empty in a hospital toilet is one of the few things that can make me ugly cry.

Twice recently I've gone in to find puddles of urine on seat and worse, on floor in front of toilet. Last time was wearing nice newish trainers and my shoes... STUCK to the floor as I was leaving the toilet with a little peeling off elastic noise every time I lifted my foot from the floor. Stuck to floor with someone else's possibly toxic chemo urine if it was a patient not a visitor, to be precise, so after I got out of toilet I washed bottoms of shoes with wipes and dried with paper towels. This time was wearing lovely new boots, think managed to avoid the very worst of the piss puddle but briefly used a wipe on soles after. Fecking horribleness. I often feel all clothing and shoes that have been in a hospital should just be burnt, with incantations, but it would run too expensive.

Fecking volunteer who stands outside hospital, opens the car door, grabs the walker etc all without permission. Do not need/want his "help". I usually summon the grace to a) not kick him in the nads so hard he sees stars and b) thank him but it's always a struggle. Keep yer hands off me and my things mate....

People trying to get into a toilet that I'm in get told off with menaces. I'm a massive bitch on chemo day until I get into the chair (being prechemo is a lot like being premenstrual as I recall) and then all sweetness.... unless crying from toilet!

People pushing wheelchairs past me as I'm seated and almost running over my foot. They also get snarled at.

Fecking hospital shop is also a lottery shop and usually only one person at till so you just want to pay for your stupid Imodium and stuck behind 3 people doing complicated lottery transactions complete for some reason with loud sound effects. These people get muttered at barely under breath. Have come to hate both lotteries and those who play them, come on I have cancer and just want to buy my stuff!

Basically am often filled with boiling rage against the human race in general. 😠 😁

@HerbalRefreshmentt

It's wonderful to do all the things but the backlash is not so wonderful. I have a chronic condition where exertion/exercise can lead to a long flare of exhaustion and other symptoms and it's so hard to tell what level of activity can bring it on. Now of course can't distinguish that from chemo effects etc. It's great that you could access medication promptly when needed but the pain and inflammation sound nasty.

@Tilllly

Welcome!

I read some of the other cancer thread which was good but found some posts, very lovely and well meant, saying things like "you'll get through chemo, it's only for a little while, there is light at the end of the tunnel," and I thought Hmm perhaps this thread is not for me and then stumbled upon mowly77's thread and thought Oooh yes! And here I am. (A cancer charity I volunteered for had a special group for people with advanced cancer as their needs and the needs of people with lower stages didn't match and more than ever I can see the truth of this.) One of the things I am surprised by is my continued capacity to find things funny and it's easiest to make certain kinds of jokes on here where they don't shock anybody!

Sorry to hear your eldest seems angry, could it possibly be masking feelings of anxiety and worry or sadness that he's not dealing with properly? I remember when my late Dad had cancer and I was caregiving I got cross with him when I was frightened or sad. But perhaps this is not the same thing. Is it possible to talk to him about this or is he unapproachable?

@TwigTheWonderKid

Oooh, roast lamb.. and York! Are you in Yorkshire? I love Yorkshire. Good for you for doing your day trip but again yes the backlash... worth it sometimes though. Smudge is gorgeous by the way!

@WrenNatsworthy

One wizard dodge is to write your post on anything that allows you to write and save text, and keep saving as you type. My phone has a thing called Notepad I think but I use my laptop on here so I use LibreOffice. That way you have it saved and can go and do something else in the middle of writing it, and if you try to post and lose it, haha, you can just post it again. Might have to tag people in the actual post, haven't experimented with this yet as I don't follow my own advice... but am trying it now! 😁 Ah ok I just wrote @ username (no space) in the text, then clicked next to the username or the @ when I posted and it comes up with the drop down menu for tagging.

Nurse practitioner sounds out of line. Of course you can and should correct someone if they have the wrong info about you.

@mowly77

This might not be relevant to your cat (Dr Brenda and Ms. Standoffish B from Hell?), but a friend told me that at least one of her cats who was usually comforting and snuggly didn't want much to do with her just after chemo as the cat could smell it and was put off! Can't remember if this applied to more than one of her cats though.

I'm sorry about the liver pain and the worry about it... awful for you.

Oh yes the witch's cape how fun! (I wanna see it too) Hope you'll be able to manage it.

@Rugbycomet Thanks for the good wishes and the same to you.

Tilllly · 02/11/2023 11:58

@LuciaPillson
I think he is angry because he is a doctor and he feels he doesn't know enough about the specialist area and having had breast cancer and two small strokes. He doesn't feel like anything else shld happen to me and he can't fix me

He gets married in February and I know he's worried if I'll be well enough

mowly77 · 02/11/2023 13:46

That’s interesting @WrenNatsworthy as I know the liver doesn’t have any pain receptors itself but I know it can hurt around the liver and further up the shoulder and that’s what it’s been doing for about a month. Did you have any symptoms at all?

But I’ve also had a switch to Oxycodone in this time from morphine & the hospice nurse told me oxycodone is more processed by the liver and morphine by the kidneys. So I’ve spoken to the GP this morning to switch all the pain meds back to morphine as ironically the only thing that really hurts now is the area around liver and all on that right side, not the usual cancer pain. Annnnd one of the results from my liver function tests was utterly abnormally high in October compared to September as well.

I have no idea what to think : every new ache and pain invariably I think the cancer is spreading. I hope my oncologist has some ideas.

in the meantime I continue to rest and eye up my sparkly cape

OP posts:
Tilllly · 02/11/2023 16:53

I think when you feel pain around internal organs, is it not usually referred pain?

HerbalRefreshmentt · 02/11/2023 20:06

@mowly77 Cape is hard on the liver and can cause increased out of bounds liver values. I think liver mets only hurt when they grow to start pressing on nerves or swell the liver to where it touches the capsule (ew, what a word!) but thats just from reading about it from folks at an advanced level.

@LuciaPillson its so very frustrating to feel like you are taking a step forward and a half step back - two is too far! I am certainly worried this leg wont get back on line and try to remember how four years ago it took six months to get off the cane that time and this isn't nearly as bad.

I do appreciate the special stage IV thread though, it truly is a different state of disease/mind/living and all the platitudes and relational attempts just cant bridge that gap, no matter how sincere folks may be.

In other news, I really need to lay off the steroid carb binges!

WrenNatsworthy · 03/11/2023 00:16

@mowly77 I didn't have symptoms. Ocular Melanoma has a 50% chance of metastasising, and of the 50% that get mets 90% are first diagnosed in the liver. So we get 6 monthly liver scans. Mine were found in the December after I'd had my eye removed in the May. As I've had Delcath treatment on the liver they never got bigger than 25% of my liver but two oncologists agree that if they are growing in my lungs then they will start growing again in my liver.

Obviously I'm off all treatment now as nothing works so I guess I'm gonna die 'naturally '. Go me!

Anyway no my liver has never hurt. So far so good. So bored of writing liver.

Kisses to all. I didn't write this reply elsewhere first but that's great advice @LuciaPillson and I'm sorry you had such a crapola day.

mowly77 · 03/11/2023 10:15

Well my consultant called and he’s sending me for an urgent CT scan next week based on last month’s blood test & huge jump in one of the liver function enzymes.

He doesn’t think it’s anything to do with oxycodone / morphine.

Goddamn it honestly just kill me now.

Just waiting to die in increments of bad news.

OP posts:
Tilllly · 03/11/2023 10:49

Oh no @mowly77

Bastard cancer 🤬🤬🤬

What're your plans to keep busy this weekend?