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Stage IV cancer? Incurable? Roll up, roll up, this thread is for you!

998 replies

mowly77 · 05/08/2023 17:46

I’m expecting tumbleweed. But I’ve jumped over from the lovely supportive threads I’ve been on for general cancer - latest one here-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4863468-cancer-support-thread-89-the-best-thread-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on?reply=128175880

to see if there’s any interest in a separate thread. I often feel like such a derailing buzzkill on the general cancer threads as there are so many shapes, sizes, flavours of cancer & so many different issues when you’re being treated to be cured as opposed to being treated palliatively.

And those of us unlucky enough to be incurable, and let’s face it, dead, sooner rather than later from this insidious disease, have our own concerns and darknesses. And admin. And hopefully some good days. Please, please let there be more good days.

Help, advice, dark humour and support are the aims. There are wonderful people on the cancer support threads & I often feel guilty for trauma-dumpling my tales of woe on it, to those dealing with their own, but different, bullshit.

Anyway —- come on in, the door is open. All I have to offer today are tales of woe about NHS incompetence & updates on the state of my bowels.

Here’s ‘my story’ - my bullshit story I wish wasn’t true but here we are. Please share yours if you would like.

estrogen+ BC diagnosed age 36, v aggressive, 3 tumours, 2 very large. Right mastectomy. No lymph node involvement. 5 miserable months of old school FEC poison. Then diagnosed BRCA2+. Left risk reducing mastectomy. Then crickets from the NHS. No one told me NED but indeed I had none. So for 11 years I love my life.

I give birth in 2018 to my DD, conceived via IVF, as my reproductive capabilities did not survive the FEC. Had my ovaries removed shortly after as per advice for BRCA2 patients . THEY DIDN’T BOTHER TO FURNISH ME WITH ANY ADVICE ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH SUDDEN SURGICAL MENOPAUSE WITH NO HRT THOUGH. And a baby in the mix! I’m still v cross about that.

Right when I wasn’t expecting it, when I thought I had ‘beaten’ the ten year survival rates (hahhhha, that fucker came back. After much faffing from utterly shitballs hospital trust finally diagnosed metastatic, stage 4, incurable, spread in my lungs, pleura and sternum. This was March 2022 when my daughter was 3.5

I’ve since had 15 rounds of Paclitaxel (first 3 months some shrinkage; last 3 months total failure, back where started) & then managed to get moved to Royal Marsden in London with great effort as my oncologist was so bad, so rude & she made my life a misery. I started on the ‘gentler’ regime of Palbociclib & Letrozole and whilst I was battling horrible side effects from those I had a 6 month run of clear scans and I was finally getting to grips with the treatment. Then the other shoe dropped and the bastard cancer is growing again. I’m still on Palbo & Letrozole while they test my blood for an enzyme that will determine if I can move on to Capecitabine. Which I’m terrified of! Better the devil you know.

In the meantime I’m in America with my family (who all live here) trying and failing to communicate with the NHS over email to see if I can fly home earlier than scheduled so they can see me quicker and get me on Cape asap because I’m really not doing well.

I can have a ‘good’ day if I’m dosed up to the eyeballs on Oramorph but it’s all quite exhausting & I’ve had to temporarily come off it to relieve my insane constipation and stomach issues. So now I’ve been on bed for two days. BUT it’s not all bad. I’ve been to see the Barbie since I’ve been here & been to the local pool with DD a few times & enjoyed sitting on the porch listening to the cicadas. It’s boiling hot too so am getting a break from the rain.

I’d love to hear your stories, tales of woes, worries, advice. Anything at all you want to say in this safe supportive space. There’s just so much in the mix for this stage of bastard cancer.

Page 3 | Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on. | Mumsnet

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LuciaPillson · 03/11/2023 11:06

@Tilllly Ah, I see. Hard on all of you I guess. Big hugs.
@HerbalRefreshmentt I'm on a walker/rollator thing and honestly it gets me so far.... can do long multiple kilometre walks on a good day because the walker sorts balance/stability/weight bearing issues and I can hang bags of shopping from it and if not raining I can sit on it and have a snack and drink wherever I am. It makes a huge huge difference. I couldn't get any distance unsupported and a cane just isn't enough these days. It's so easy for someone to knock me down and yes it has happened. But not with a walker! I still get pain etc when out but have so much more freedom with walker, though there are places I can't access. As for binges I am all about sugar binges and the results are just horrible..... when will I learn?
@WrenNatsworthy Arrgh. So sorry about treatments not working. Utter shit. Wish was not happening to you or any of us... Many virtual hugs.
Suggest anagram 'viler' rather than liver, seems to be a good Mumsnet word and not inappropriate.
I didn't really have a crap day, 'twas a normal sort of day, these little things are ongoing minor resentments because I'm a grumpy cow!
@mowly77 Oh sweetie. Again all the hugs. I am scared for you and don't know if a virtual handhold does any good but here it is anyway. 🖐 🤝 🖖

WrenNatsworthy · 03/11/2023 11:34

Bollocks @mowly77 keep us posted- did you wear your cape?

@LuciaPillson you sound so fucking determined and please don't hit me but you're inspiring me (yes people say that to me all the time and I just internally eye roll ) but there you go.

LuciaPillson · 03/11/2023 11:55

@WrenNatsworthy Well the fact is I'm around 10 months out from dx, it was stage 4 right from the start with my primary, no previous cancers. Dropped in at the deep end! But I'm doing ok-ish so far. Of course it could all turn on a dime, haven't had latest scan results (well they email me but I never never look at test results online, can't bear the thought and likely can't understand them anyway so I wait for onc to tell me how I'm doing). But the fact is so far I'm just not going through what some of you on here are going through. It will come of course and keeping my mind off the future is a fulltime job. But you know the story about the guy leaping off a tall building and shouting at each floor he passes "All right so far!" 😁 Also, very unfairly, I have access to better care than most or all of you through sheer chance of where I live. So it's not bravery determination etc really (though I'm happy with what you said, people can say anything to me on here and it's all good), just that at the moment I'm doing ok even if rather grumbly about the little things. (BTW the people knocking me down thing was pre-cancer and pre-pandemic when "all" I had was CFS/ME and went about with a cane and used public transport.) Won't hit you, promise, though still contemplating kicking the overeager volunteer in the nads 😂🤣

MrsPositivity1 · 04/11/2023 22:55

TwigTheWonderKid · 01/11/2023 21:30

Oh @WrenNatsworthy that's rubbish and often happens to me when I've done a super long post replying to everyone.

Hope you are feeling less weepy now and ready to post again.

@TwigTheWonderKid can i ask if it is PMP you have? I was diagnosed with that and had the dreaded surgery in Feb this year. I have a feeling it has returned and am having a ct scan at the end of this month

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/11/2023 09:05

MrsPositivity1 · 04/11/2023 22:55

@TwigTheWonderKid can i ask if it is PMP you have? I was diagnosed with that and had the dreaded surgery in Feb this year. I have a feeling it has returned and am having a ct scan at the end of this month

I've got Goblet Cell Carcinoma. I'm halfway through 8 rounds of chemo. Just had my scan and the results of that will determine if Basingstoke will consider me for the HIPEC surgery, but to be honest, I'm not hopeful.

I'm so sorry you think you have a recurrence.

MrsPositivity1 · 05/11/2023 11:56

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/11/2023 09:05

I've got Goblet Cell Carcinoma. I'm halfway through 8 rounds of chemo. Just had my scan and the results of that will determine if Basingstoke will consider me for the HIPEC surgery, but to be honest, I'm not hopeful.

I'm so sorry you think you have a recurrence.

It was HIPEC i had in Basingstoke, they are amazing. A very long surgery (10 hours). Mine started in my appendix- the cancerous mucus leaked out and attached to the organs in the peritoneal cavity. I hope whatever decision is made for you that it’s the best to aid your recovery

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/11/2023 12:33

@MrsPositivity1 the Goblet Cell Carcinoma is a bit of a bastard. Incredibly aggressive, which is why there is such a massive question mark over the HIPEC. It will depend on what my scan results show, they were looking for a reduction in my tumours but with it being such a massively aggressive cancer I think my chances are pretty low.

Did you have any chemo before your surgery or did they do it straight away?

MrsPositivity1 · 05/11/2023 20:49

@TwigTheWonderKid I didn’t have chemo before, they went straight to hipec at the end of my surgery.

I really hope your scan results show a good reduction, and that you can move forward to HIPEC

When will you have your results?

TwigTheWonderKid · 05/11/2023 22:03

@MrsPositivity1 Scan was just over a week ago. I think MDT meeting is on Tuesday so am guessing they will discuss then and then make an appointment though I do have my 15 min pre-chemo appointment tomorrow afternoon so it's possible they might tell me then. I hate all the second guessing.

Do you mind me asking what makes you suspect you have a recurrence?

ChickenMaths · 06/11/2023 14:06

@mowly77 just wanted to say thank you for sharing the something to look forward to website. A listing has gone up for Whitstable today which I imagine is down to you!

TwigTheWonderKid · 06/11/2023 16:36

Just back from my pre chemo bloods and Oncologist appointment. I was told I would need to see the head honcho Oncologist to get my scan results but the clinic doctor had a look and said my tumours were showing an "excellent response" to the chemo.

I'd managed to convince myself it wasn't working. I have no idea what Basingstoke will say re surgery but this is good news, although I've already? gone from a bit of quiet elation to "what happens when the chemo stops working?". I'm not very good at optimism.

Getting blood out of me was almost impossible so I'm having a PICC line put in next Friday.

How's everyone else doing?

HerbalRefreshmentt · 06/11/2023 18:38

I had hospital today too and this post pelvic rads fatigue is kicking my aaaasss, oh so tired. Plus side Im moving a lot better/way less pain but I am just so so exhausted. I was standing at pharmacy for my meds holding on to the counter feeling my legs go soft thinking oh god, i still have to get to the Tube10 minutes away.

Better sleep at night would be helpful. Im off the steroids so I am really hoping things will settle down in next few days. I cant even nap during the day, its that stupid doze where you think yeah, Ive been out for at least an hour and its only maybe 5 minutes. Starting new drugs tomorrow too, and they sent me home with all these small glass bottles of mouth wash!

@TwigTheWonderKid I figure I'll worry about those questions/issues when I get there, and try and be cautiously optimistic and live somewhat for the now. Works 80% of the time! :)

mowly77 · 06/11/2023 19:53

ChickenMaths · 06/11/2023 14:06

@mowly77 just wanted to say thank you for sharing the something to look forward to website. A listing has gone up for Whitstable today which I imagine is down to you!

Wow that’s made my day - I’ll have a look.

Wouldn’t take much to make my day tbh. I’ve been admitted to the Marsden in Sutton with pneumonia … that’s not even the worst news … that would be that the woman in the bed opposite is very very loud very posh and is making bellowing FaceTime after FaceTime call.

the other woman is very quiet and reading a book. Or trying to. The nurses have just said she can’t eat after midnight so I’m wondering if she’s a gremlin …

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mowly77 · 06/11/2023 20:04

Ha. That Whitstable property is at the end of my street. It’s much nicer than my house. Should apply to go there as Scotland isn’t looking likely anymore.

After bellowing about me down the phone to her entire family ‘there’s a woman called X … etc’ loud posh woman has shut up now but I don’t trust her at all. She’s managing to make a racquet just sitting there

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TwigTheWonderKid · 06/11/2023 20:05

Oh buggeration @mowly77 So sorry to hear that. I hope shouty woman gets discharged tomorrow and you get some peace. If it wasn't chemo week for me I could have come to visit you and glare at her.

mowly77 · 06/11/2023 20:05

*A racket that is. I am very feverish. I’d be quite impressed if she was making a racquet tbh

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HerbalRefreshmentt · 06/11/2023 21:02

Oh no @mowly77 thats some shit luck to be in thr hospital with pneumonia now. What is Sutton like? The photos look so airy and nice but I see it doesn't seem to matter when you have bellowing ward mates. FaceTime should be banned on wards. Did they say how long you are likely to be in for?

mowly77 · 06/11/2023 21:48

HerbalRefreshmentt · 06/11/2023 21:02

Oh no @mowly77 thats some shit luck to be in thr hospital with pneumonia now. What is Sutton like? The photos look so airy and nice but I see it doesn't seem to matter when you have bellowing ward mates. FaceTime should be banned on wards. Did they say how long you are likely to be in for?

There’s a whole new fancy bit downstairs that looks like an executive club airport lounge, although I was too ill to care … and then they took me to the Goldman Sachs Emergency Care Wing or some such bullshit but no besuited consultants were in evidence. Finally onto the shouting FaceTime stringing racquets ward which seems much nicer than any ward I have ever been on before l, but it’s still a ward. It’s for 4 but there’s only 3 of us here at the moment. Multiple people on wards seem so outdated! But I was lucky to get a bed at all as all the way here there was mass confusion from hotline versus my consultant about whether there was a bed for me or not and I ended up cry-shouting to the hapless person on the hotline “well I suppose I’ll just die then!” & hanging up.

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mowly77 · 06/11/2023 21:51

Looks like a least a few days two three four I think - I need loads of antibiotics I won’t cope with the ward situation though I know I won’t. If I was feeling slightly more like myself I might be making noises about switching to a side room when one becomes available but I’ll have to leave that piece of advocacy until tomorrow because tonight it’s a fight to get someone to take a failed cannula out of my hand and actually give me my drugs.

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mowly77 · 07/11/2023 07:00

After a night of absolutely no sleep (me) loud posh woman has just yelled “I FEEL
SO WELL” across the ward.

What are my options here? I can legally smother her with a pillow later, right?

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mowly77 · 07/11/2023 07:32

… and she’s now started her 7.30am FaceTime calls …

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TwigTheWonderKid · 07/11/2023 07:47

mowly77 · 07/11/2023 07:00

After a night of absolutely no sleep (me) loud posh woman has just yelled “I FEEL
SO WELL” across the ward.

What are my options here? I can legally smother her with a pillow later, right?

Absolutely. And I'm sure the other lady in your room will be grateful to you.

mowly77 · 07/11/2023 07:58

TwigTheWonderKid · 07/11/2023 07:47

Absolutely. And I'm sure the other lady in your room will be grateful to you.

There’s now a fourth and it’s feeling very crowded in here. I’d be doing us all a favour.

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LuciaPillson · 07/11/2023 10:45

@mowly77 Posho sounds like Perpetua off Bridget Jones only worse. What an absolute knobette. Also if this posh where is her private suite? Why is she in with the yokels? If only you could confide in a nurse that she's becoming rambunctious and you are concerned she may need sedation, they may feel the same. 🤣

mowly77 · 07/11/2023 11:59

lol @lucia well after she woke me from a nap just now bellowing yet again on FaceTime a couple of lovely ladies from palliative care turned up to talk about my pain relief. I was literally about to lose it with Perpetua (how sad she is not posh enough for a private suite) and they amazingly said … leave it to us … now I’m being moved into the next ward. RESULT.

So my blood pressure won’t go up, I won’t get done for murder (although I would be acquitted). Obviously no ward is quiet but the ward sister says that ward is all about medical intervention (beeping machines etc, which is me anyway) rather than bellowing. I’ve also got a banana and two extra pillows. I feel like I’ve won the hospital lottery. I should be moving shortly hopefully before all her afternoon visitors arrive as I know from her many phone calls she has A LOT of visitors lined up. Bitch.

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