Hand hold - DH likely to die in next few days

[Bahemoth]

My DH went to hospital a month ago with seizures that wouldn’t stop. He was resistant to all medication so they had to put him in an induced coma on ICU to try and stop them and reduce swelling on the brain. This last option hadn’t worked, as they don’t know the underlying cause for the seizures and they’ve now told me he’s unlikely to survive.

We have two young children and I’m not sure how I can face life without him or how I would break the news to DS9 when the time comes. My other child is 4. I’m in bits, he’s only 39 and was fit and healthy before this.

I’m so sorry to read this. Do you have other family?

This must be so frightening

Do you have others you can lean on? Winston's Wish should have advice about how to talk to children of different ages. And when you have no words, a hug is very helpful for parents and children.

Holding your hand OP, what a terrible shock.

Do you have anyone with you at the moment?

I have my sister with me at the moment. His family live 300 miles away but are coming down today, although his mum is too ill to travel. It all feels like a bad dream, like it can’t be real.

I'm glad his sister is with you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sending strength.

Holding your hand. I'm so sorry this is happening to you all x

Handhold here. Are you able to be with him?

So so sorry. Ask for the icu pastoral team if you think it would help (they don't need to be religious) they can come any time of day or night. Nearly all units will have clinical psychologists now that can help in the weeks to months to come. Icus have preprinted books on explaining things to children. They'll be time to explain the withdrawal if that's the case, they'll likely ask re any wishes for organ donation after death given age. Icu are fantastic at end of life care as unfortunately its a really common part of our job, the bedside nurse will explain everything slowly, you can stay at thr bed as much as you wish. Hugs. I'm so sorry

We're here with you OP.

I’m so sorry. 💐

I’m so sorry OP. Glad his sister is there- do get support from your side of the family if needed too. Can people help with childcare to relieve some pressure? Winstons wish is a lovely charity for bereaved children.
Speak to the nursing and medical team they may have trained staff and play specialists who can help explain to your children what’s going on and what to expect. It can be hard for you in the midst of grief to explain it- they will be very used to it.
Take all the help you need. Get the counselling, take the family support, use the charities.

Sending lots of love your way and to your children

I’m thinking of you- I don’t know you but I assure you that I have you at the centre of my thoughts and will continue to do so. My impression is that you will get support in the hectic few months that lie ahead but that this will diminish over time and you are likely to feel very much alone after that. You will have to seek help actively- maybe a thread on MN for young parents whose partner has died? I found this on the internet https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk sorry if that is blunt but please take help from where you can. I 2nd the recommendation for Winston’s Wish, for your dear children xxx

I’m so sorry. Hand holding

I am so sorry to read this op

I'm so sorry for you all. It sounds like a nightmare. I'm glad that you are not going through this alone, and that his family is on the way.

So sorry to hear this, sending love ♥️

Some lovely advice above and I agree, take all the support you can, you must be terribly shocked and that will take a while to process. I hope you find strength and feel love and compassion and God bless your poor DH, I hope for a miracle and pray for you all.

I'm so sorry to read this. When will DH's family arrive?

So sorry you're going through this op. I have nothing to add apart from I am thinking of you

🌷🌷🌷

This is so terribly sad and unfair and I wish it wasn't happening to you. As others have said try to get a social worker from the hospital palliative care team or the icu to spend some time with you and the children. They should help you to provide age appropriate language to explain to the children what is happening. Sadly as their mother you will need to think about them and their loss alongside your own. It's commonly said that children are " resilient " but this is over simplifying. They mask to protect themselves and others.
It's important that they be included now. Let them come to the bedside so they can see all that is being done to care for daddy. I would ask someone maybe sil to take some photos of dh and keep them in case the children need to see in years to come..maybe your children could bring a toy or photo to the hospital to give dh.
Help is available and some very difficult work must be done now to help you all with the grieving process.
Everyone on here and all who love you will be thinking of you and sending love.

So sorry this has happened to your husband. You must be on your knees. I spent a few months in neuro ICU with ds and so many families come and go having life support switched off. It's the very last option as they try so hard to keep people alive. Through all the shock I hope you can feel kindness and support from those around you. I hope you can have time from the pressure of work to deal with everything you have in front of you. Life can be so unfair. Sending hugs to you all.x

So sorry to hear this OP. Hand hold from me

So sorry that this is happening, I was in this position just a few months ago and it is terrifying. One lovely thing the ICU nurses did was taking fingerprints, handprints and traces of his heart for me and our young DC (3&5). I was grateful at the time but now I’m a few months down the line these are really precious. Sending you strength to get through the coming days xx