Hand hold - DH likely to die in next few days

[Bahemoth]

My DH went to hospital a month ago with seizures that wouldn’t stop. He was resistant to all medication so they had to put him in an induced coma on ICU to try and stop them and reduce swelling on the brain. This last option hadn’t worked, as they don’t know the underlying cause for the seizures and they’ve now told me he’s unlikely to survive.

We have two young children and I’m not sure how I can face life without him or how I would break the news to DS9 when the time comes. My other child is 4. I’m in bits, he’s only 39 and was fit and healthy before this.

A stark reminder to all of us of how life can change in the blink of an eye. I don't think there is anything I could say to you that hasn't already been said, other than that I am genuinely so very sorry this is happening to you and your family. Take comfort and help where you can and don't look further than today. xx

Apologies if this has already been suggested, but the Ruth Strauss foundation is set up to support children who are facing the loss of a parent.

It may be aimed at situations involving a cancer diagnosis, but there may be some helpful resources and information.

ruthstraussfoundation.com/info-and-support/support-resources/

I am so sorry. This seems so unfair.

Sending you strength. You will get through it. It won’t be easy but you will get through it hour by hour and day by day.

And when you feel you can’t remember there is always someone on MN day or night to listen and hold your hand.

Beautiful advice xx

there are no words that can ease things, but I really feel for you. You can only take things one step at a time. I know we have recommended Winston’s wish for people at work - it might be worth contacting them

winstonswish.org

So sorry for you and your family. Sending a handhold and lots of hope xxx

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sending you a hand hold and some 💐

A month ago today my Mum died and the people of Mumsnet held my hand (virtually) throughout, they were a great comfort.

I agree. This is amazing advice. Let them experience it with you OP. I am so, so sorry for what you are going through.

I am so terribly sorry. I would ask the hospital to help you talk to your children if you are able. Involving them now may seem insurmountable. It would, however, be really beneficial for them to spend time with him. Have they visited him in hospital? Are they aware of how ill your dh is?

Praying for a miracle for you. Holding your hand x

I am so very sorry this has happened, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, sending strength and hugs to you and your family xx

I really don't know what to say. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

I hope his family get down soon and with your sister you can all support each other.

He does not deserve to have this happen to him, he's so young. You don't deserve it either x

Oh darling, how horrendous. I'm so very sorry. Sending you goodwill, positive energy and kindness for the days ahead, from a well-meaning internet stranger. ❤

Hospitals have specialists usually who can help you talk to your children, or often they know which of the drs/nurses are particularly good at this. Widowed and Young are an excellent organisation I encourage you to contact, it's thankfully not common so being connected to others in similar situations is important, also your dc meeting others in similar circumstances. Child bereavement services also are dotted across the country which might be helpful for your older child

A very gentle but steadfast handhold from me. ❤️

So very very sorry. I would ask for a second opinion if you haven't already. I think it will help you to know you did this.

I am so sorry that you guys are going through this, and can only echo what others have written. WAY was amazing for supporting my lovely friend when her husband died suddenly (also very young). She didn't have children, but she met many people through WAY who did have kids and were supported well. Speak to the palliative team (if they are involved), as they can signpost you to support. Winston's Wish are also amazing.

I think being honest with the children is a good bet. My kids haven't lost a parent but were very very close to my own parents. In their last illnesses (both died quite suddenly in hospital - brain bleed for one and v fast cancer for the other), I explained that they were very ill, the tests/treatments etc that the doctors were doing (might be easier for me, as I'm a nurse) and then when I knew that things were taking a downhill turn, prepared the children for what to expect. I informed my work, the schools and told friends. I let the kids see my parents (one was in ITU, the other on an acute ward). Of course, every family is different, but this is what was best for my own kids (both very used to being in and around hospitals because of my job!).

For yourself....easy for me to say this, but please please try and eat/rest and look after yourself. This is so important. Call on friends for support. For my friends in this situation, I am there for whatever they need me for: a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk things through, cooking a week's worth of meals, doing their laundry/housework, watching the kids, helping with admin, anything. Please don't be scared to ask anything. Sending you lots of love and strength xxx

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you all.

How unbelievably cruel and unfair life can be. Poor you and your DC. Prayers for the coming days/ weeks xx

I am so very sorry, holding your hand.

so sorry for you and your dear family. Glad you have your sister with you

I am so sorry - can't imagine how you must be feeling. A hand hold from me xxx

I'm so sorry .please tell the children in simple terms what's happening let them see their daddy touch him talk to him .Most importantly say goodbye.
The nurses and staff can help here .
You take a few moments for yourself quick shower and a good cry .Thoughts with you all .

Very sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you and your family

Handhold & having a weep for you from Australia. Sometimes life just kicks you in the arse & it's too unfair.

Thinking of you X