The phoenix rises once again. So, I pulled my shit together, thought no way am I defeated and got on with the day. Started really badly and honestly I still cannot fathom the pain I was in (and scared of the coming night now) but I’ve now been put on a slow release morphine tablet, took it at 7.30pm, and can have top ups if I need to.
I wouldn’t entirely blame the doctors as frankly this kind of cancer is just painful no matter what you do with the size and placement of the largest tumour, it’s displacing organs, pressing on nerves, stopping body functions working, so it’s just a shit thing. Unless you knock me out totally, there will be some level of pain. Taking a deep breath is still painful because it’s extending into the diaphragm are and it is what it is. Speaking is a total chore and takes a lot of energy so I do it in short bursts only, which makes me sound a bit short with Kerr, but he understands. As long as the pain is manageable (up to an 5) and I can get to sleep I will deal with it.
One of the issues is where the drain is situated is exactly where my only comfy spot for lying down was, so kind of limited now in finding a spot I can get any comfort from. We are experimenting heavily with pillow placement.
Walked to the family room and back which felt like an achievement - it wasn’t far, but it was far enough for me to pick up thy bag and walk.
This evening we went on what ended up feeling like an epic journey to Regent’s Park. It was too far and I regretted it - really sore and bumpy coming back and not an ideal wheelchair to be in. Live and learn, smaller journeys. Here I am though, I’ve aged a hundred years in my face, lost all the weight from my arms and face, but now also have gigantic feet and legs. Great combo! But I’m out and I’m smiling and I’m going to see what lies ahead tonight and hope for the very best. Faith, hope and love. ❤️