Storm Part 3 (for partners of people with cancer)

[Willowkins]

Continuing the thread, mostly supporting partners of people with cancer - just in case it's needed.

The previous thread is here

[Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

So sorry to see new people here, glad you've found us though.

There's so much to take in at the beginning. Someone advised me to get a notebook and write down who was who, what they said and when, what their responsibilities were, how I could contact them, what was going to happen next, etc etc. It helped a lot, not only for future reference but also in relieving me of the burden of having to remember every single new and horrible thing.

I asked DH's consultant if he minded that I took notes and he said 'I wish all of my patients had someone who did that'.

Sending a handhold and hugs.

Having a difficult week. I feel a horrible mix of so angry and so sad because I just miss him.

I think that's perfectly normal @Jollyoldholiday. It's just been what 2 months?

I’ve been at home today. I’ve had a little nap this afternoon, which has helped. My DH feels really poorly still, I’ve spoken to him twice and we’ve texted. He said not to visit today, as he didn’t feel up to it. He told me to get some rest this afternoon. My friend has texted me and told me I should have gone anyway, as she had her DH had discussed it and both agreed they would have ignored the don’t visit thing. It’s upset me a lot. They have no idea quite what the situation is and I feel they’ve overstepped the mark a bit, wading in and telling me what to do.

Sorry to hear that@Gorgeoussnessly .
I'm afraid it's also normal for people to think they know better than you. I'd recommend a game of Stupid-Things-People-Say bingo to take the edge off. And then ignore them.

@Gorgeoussnessly none of your friends will understand it's sad but not personal they are trying it's just impossible to relate to people sometimes.

@Jollyoldholiday my DP is still here but after a run of low points about a week ago I recognised myself as being in a full phase of anger bitter resentment on rotation, all kept in to myself, under the surface. I wrote a list of sentences of every little thing I'm angry about from tiny issues to major in all aspects of life before going to bed filled a page meant to rip it out rip it up and throw it off the bridge but its still in there atm. My moods shifted now but in a crazy way knowing it's all down on paper all in there for me to re-read whenever I want makes me feel in control. I do plan to chuck it some point soon before anyone finds it!

3.5 months. It just feels so claustrophobic. Thank you

I want to add before anyone suggests I've used all my free counselling sessions with every charity I'm entitled to and can't afford private so I'm trying writing feelings lists, exercise, and Mumsnet to cope and I think it may be the magic formula for me anyway!

No one on this thread is going to tell you what to do.

Thanks for the support on this thread. 💐

My DH is in intensive care with pancreatitis. He’s really poorly. I’m worried sick and can’t sleep.

Hi @Gorgeoussnessly sending you a handhold. I hope you got some sleep.

Hi @Gorgeoussnessly you must be exhausted. Was he ill for a long time before his diagnosis or has everything been very sudden? I read a lot of people get diagnosed with this in A&E.

He had mild digestive symptoms for a while. The endoscopy and taking of biopsies triggered the pancreatitis. The doctors have said he could die.

Sending positive vibes @Gorgeoussnessly stay strong

Oh @Gorgeoussnessly that is beyond awful, keeping everything crossed for you.

Meanwhile in the cancer shit show that is currently my life my DH had his stent fitted yesterday and although the procedure went as it should, thankfully, he is still in a fair amount of pain so they are trying to work out if it's the tumour or the procedure or most likely a combination of both. It's so complicated, they're trying to balance his pain with getting everything working as it should before trying chemo. He has to get rid of the jaundice before they can start that, which may take a few weeks - which I understand but the thought of that thing in him doing god knows what, is so scary.

(((Hugs for you all)))

Hope for better news x

Cancer really is the gift that keeps on giving !

@frostyfingers my DP was in a similar boat when diagnosed in hospital initially. He had severe jaundice it took three attempts at the stent after the third procedure they still thought it hadn't worked discharged him with no further treatment just morphine etc for pain then luckily a hospice doctor noticed his most recent bloods had shown improvement even though the jaundice wasn't noticeably better and had him reviewed for treatment he started to slowly improve and started chemo two weeks later. He's been on it now for most of the last five and half years. It's surreal.

DH is home with loads of pills and on a bit of a hospital high - showering, washing clothes etc but I think tomorrow will be hard as the reality of his situation hits home. We now wait for an oncology appointment for him, hopefully within the next 10 days.

My chemo starts on 30th Dec, 6 sessions at 3 weekly intervals so I've got to get my head round that now, I've pushed it to the back of my mind to focus on DH but now it's only a few weeks away I must give it some thought.

@frostyfingers I'm so glad he is home. I hope you each have people who can support you logistically as well emotionally, individually if you know what I mean.

Sending love and hugs. 🤗❤️🤗

@Gorgeoussnessly How are you both?

I’m stressed and shattered. He’s still in ICU, his need for oxygen has increased and he is hallucinating.

Thank you @frostyfingers for asking. 💐

Sending strength and hugs to all, especially @Gorgeoussnessly and @frostyfingers