Storm Part 3 (for partners of people with cancer)

[Willowkins]

Continuing the thread, mostly supporting partners of people with cancer - just in case it's needed.

The previous thread is here

[Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

Have you been able to get any rest at all? It's so difficult when you're waiting for information. Sending a handhold and a virtual cuppa

My DH is now on palliative care. 😭

I’m sorry. It’s devastating news to receive.

So sorry - hope they get his pain under control x

I’m so sorry to hear that, how absolutely devastating. Thinking of you both.

My DH died yesterday afternoon.

I'm so sorry @Gorgeoussnessly , it must seem unreal. For now just try to eat a little and sleep a little, if you can. Howl if you want, we've all done it. The palliative care staff will guide you on what needs to be done next, but it's no time for making big decisions (though as I remember, even 'shall I stand up or sit down' felt like a big decision for a while). We're here to hand hold.

It's hard to even type the words @Gorgeoussnessly
I'm so sorry it's come to this

@Gorgeoussnessly I'm so sorry, you are in my thoughts.

This is really shocking news @Gorgeoussnessly how are you? We are here x

@Gorgeoussnessly I’m so sorry this happened so quickly. There are no words really. You will have to take each day as it comes now and try and get through it the best you can.
My dh died in March after many years and months of suffering. Although I had a lot of time to prepare, I am still overwhelmed with emotions most days and haven’t fully accepted what happened.
I hope you have family/friends around who can support you through the days to come x

So sorry to read this, take time to look after you at this time. Lean on us here if it helps xx

Thanks everyone. I do feel completely overwhelmed. It’s all consuming. My family are looking after me. Unfortunately admin wasn’t my DH’s best thing. We are wading through endless stuff. It’s so hard, especially with the grief and the shock.

The list of things to do can be all-consuming. With hindsight, I regret rushing it
My top tip if you need one, is to ask for the bereavement department wherever possible. Those guys are calm and helpful.

@Gorgeoussnessly the admin took so much rime and energy. I found nothing was strait forward and ended up logging more complaints than I can remember just to get resolution. It depends if he had life insurance/pension/a will, was still working? I made lists which helped. The tell us once service is good.

Accept whatever help you can and be kind to yourself. I took a 4 month break from work, in some ways I needed more but equally when I returned, it was good to get some routine back.

I agree with @Willowkins , you don't have to do it all now, it will still be there when you're ready. I found that family wanted to help by clearing out a lot of things and I was too bewildered to stop them, but now I wish I had.

I am so sorry @Gorgeoussnessly.

I did one thing a day so I wasn't overwhelmed.

Just checking in to see how everyone is today.
I feel blessed that both my Young Adult Willowkins will be spending Christmas with me this year but also I'm still a bit cross that MrW won't be here.

I've got mixed feelings too but most of all really aware of how un-chrismassy I feel this year.

That's it exactly @BloodyMaryisthetruth I'm giving everyone money or vouchers because the thought of choosing presents makes me anxious. I really can't be bothered with decorations or Christmas cards. I'm hoping this too will pass and I'll do better next year.

I can’t sleep. I feel horrible. My mind won’t stop.

I'm so sorry @Gorgeoussnessly it's horrible being awake at that time. Hopefully you've had some sleep. Weekends can be the worst for some reason.

@BloodyMaryisthetruth I find weekends to be the worst. They were the time we would do things together. I often find myself crying most of Friday night.
@Gorgeoussnessly it’s understandable to wake early. There are so many emotions you’ll be dealing with.
I haven’t really processed my grief yet and like @Willowkins Im not in the festive spirt at all. I’ve put no decorations up and so far haven’t bought any presents or sent any cards. Sadly my dc who are now young adults haven’t coped well either and this adds to my heartache every day.

I still find it hard to get to sleep. My counsellor thinks it's the time when I most need comfort. And the darnedest thing is that the person who gave me the most support, isn't there. So I do other things, like crosswords or reading, to distract me. Or I overthink - reliving the past or rehearsing the future. Grief is what it is.