Storm Part 3 (for partners of people with cancer)

[Willowkins]

Continuing the thread, mostly supporting partners of people with cancer - just in case it's needed.

The previous thread is here

[Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

@evenstar my thoughts are with you.

You have done everything that you could possibly do and I hope with all my heart that things run smoothly for you now x

There's a kind of peace that comes with acceptance. I hope the coming days and weeks treat you kindly.

@Evenstarthinking of you. I hope and pray that your DH can now be comfortable at home in his own space with loved ones. So glad you managed to get him home, that must’ve been so traumatic for you. Sending you hugs

Thank you all, we have carers, the hospice community nurses, the district nurses and family and friends are very supportive. We have his just in case drugs here, though fortunately he has been largely pain free. I hope that this stretch ahead now will be a peaceful time with some moments of joy still for us.

Hi everyone, can I join this club that no one wants to be eligible for? 😢

DH is 61. We found out 4 weeks ago that he has metastatic poorly differentiated carcinoma in multiple places in his bones, as well as 2 lymph nodes. After lots of tests and procedures, we are still on a working diagnosis of Cancer of Unknown Primary. There's been a lot of progression between a scan last month and the one yesterday, so they have brought forward his chemotherapy start date. We will see how he responds to that. Unfortunately, with CUP the prognosis is really poor.

Sorry to hear that @thornbury my DH was Stage 3 stomach cancer with extensive metastases including the brain at diagnosis so his prognosis was always poor as well. It’s very hard to hear isn’t it. Thinking of you

@thornburywelcome, yes it’s the club we don’t want to be part of but we are all here. We’ve all had / having different journeys, but hopefully our support will help you long. There is no judgement nor question you can’t ask. We understand and are holding your hand from afar.

Welcome @thornbury

I lurked for a while before plucking up the courage to join this group, and although I haven't contributed much, I have felt that at least there are some people somewhere who absolutely get what I'm going through - and it has been a real comfort.

My DH has stage 3 lung cancer, diagnosed in February and with a prognosis of 6-9 months with no treatment.

He was due to start that treatment on 13th April, but has had a stroke - so that now takes precedence.

He is making very little improvement from the stroke, and I am now extremely worried that he will never leave the hyper acute stroke ward, and will die there from cancer.

No one in my real life seems to understand what a nightmare this is - but this thread, and the previous 2, have been a real help and support.

Thinking of you, and this club that none of us want to be in

DH was moved out of the Hyper Acute Stroke Ward yesterday to the Acute Ward, ready to start therapy.
We were hoping that he would recover enough to start his cancer treatment.

He has deteriorated rapidly overnight, and is now being moved to end of life care.

I have asked that he be allowed to come home, but apparently he is too unstable to be moved as he might not survive the journey.

A CT scan shows that his tumours have grown very quickly and he also has a lung infection.

I'm so sorry it's come to this @Jaffapaffa Sending you a virtual handhold for whatever the future holds.

@Jaffapaffa so sorry to read this update, what a terrible shock, I hope that they can make him as comfortable as possible

He has stopped breathing once, and suction cleared his airway enough to carry on.

They've advised that I not go home at the moment 😔.

They can't clear his airway properly because of the tumours in his lungs.

At least we are in the corner of a ward, and I'm hoping that a side room becomes free quite soon.

@Jaffapaffa Thinking of you xxx

and to say we were in a similar situation. The DR’s wanted DH out of a flu epidemic hospital and arranged for us to go. the drs didn’t want DH to catch flu ontop of his current condition

The transport ambulance team were happy to take with DNR paperwork.

wondering if you really really want to try and get home if it would be worth the conversation. We were all setup at home with palliative care team etc and I was aware that he could pass on the way home xxxx

@Jaffapaffa I'm so sorry, sending love and strength.

@Jaffapaffa so sorry to hear your update. It is so sad and so unfair. Sending love to you and tour family x

Oh @Jaffapaffa sending you both heaps of love and strength

@Jaffapaffa really sorry I missed your update before my last post. I think I got called away and came back and posted after your last update.

so sorry to hear this has happened 💐💐💐

DH's cancer has thrown another clot, and he has lost blood circulation to his left hand. If he were conscious, he would be in a horrific amount of pain.

I've been advised that it's now days, not the 2 weeks that I was told at 9.30 this morning.
I was also advised that if at all possible, I should think about staying overnight, so after a few phone calls to sort out care for DDog, that's what I will be doing

DH has had a syringe driver fitted, and we are in a very quiet side room.

He does at least seem to finally be breathing peacefully, which is some consolation.

I am numb

I thought we had the summer at the very least to do some things together, and to sort out paperwork etc.

But then again, 2026 has so far been a year of endless crap curve balls.

Nothing I can say that will help, just know I’m holding your hand.

my DH walked out the hospice on the Wednesday fairly fit and well other than the lung cancer and being told 3 months, within 96 hours he was in hospital in a coma he didn’t come back from. I was so so angry, they’d told us 3 months, we still had weeks to share.

I was told DH had about 10 months. He was gone eight weeks later. He would’ve hated the 10 months I’m absolutely sure. Fortunately, we had sorted out a lot of finances a couple of years prior when he didn’t think he was going to make it and then did so I didn’t have to worry of that.

Sending you virtual hugs @Jaffapaffa xx

@Jaffapaffasending strength your way and hoping your DH is comfortable.

@JaffapaffaI’m so sorry. There are no words. I’m glad you are now in a side room and that you are able to stay overnight. Sending you virtual hugs and support.

DH is hanging on, albeit with a lot of drugs.

DDog has been in to see him - I like to think that both DH and DDog were somehow able to say their goodbyes, although as one is unconscious and the other a dog, it's unlikely.

DH's sister has arrived, along with her partner, and I thought they were just staying for a short while.

But it looks as if they are installed on those chairs for the long haul, which now makes it awkward for me to settle down on my camp bed.

Just thought I'd quickly start a new thread. It can be found at:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/5521011-storm-part-4-for-partners-of-people-with-cancer