Oh OP, I can't read and run. My heart is breaking for you and your DH and my rage is deep. How is DH doing today, is he responding to treatment/stable?
I ask this gently and with no expectation, did he report the attack to the Police? I've been party to investigations years after the event so please know that it's not too late to report if nt already done so. My experience is that survivors are treated with the UTMOST dignity and that, to a man and a woman, every Police Officer I've ever worked with has had both compassion and also a desire to find and build a case against attackers where possible. I'm not pretending it's easy but I myself worked with many people who found some kind of help, some kind of closure, with successful prosecution of their attackers. Patently though that is a hugely personal decision but I wanted to offer what reassurance I can that reporting is not in vain.
I'm sending you gentle hugs and urging you to please ensure you access support services as well as DH as it's hard to imagine much that is more traumatic than what you have been through and are going through now.
This may sound so very little, but as well as commending specific services specialising in male sexual assault can I also point you in the direction of a truly brilliant book on Trauma - and processing and surviving trauma - by Bessel Van Der Kolk. He is regarded as a leader in the field of trauma and I personally know of survivors who have been helped by his work. His seminal book is called 'The Body Keeps The Score' and I can only suggest it as a tiny offering to try and help in some way.
I am so so sorry you are both enduring this and I'm desperately hoping DH makes a full recovery and start anti-virals soon. The only other thing of use I can add is that, like PPs, I know many people who are HIV+ but live full lives with viral load undetectable - I hope that is the case for DH once stabilised.
