Total bowel obstruction and Ovarian Cancer - advice?

[LadyFlumpalot]

Hi all, my Mum is in total bowel obstruction caused by advanced ovarian cancer and has been in a hospice for 3 weeks tomorrow. The last time she ate a proper meal was the beginning of April. Does anyone have any experience of this? Her doctors are being very vague and telling me they can't give a timescale.

She is still in symptom control mode, not end of life care but she is slowing down, getting sleepy, slurring her words and getting a bit confused.

I suppose what I want to know is - can anyone give me even a rough indication of how long? I'm so tired, the hospice is two hours from my house and I'm visiting every day as well as working and doing the childcare. I want to take a couple of days to myself but I'm worried she'll slip away and I won't be with her if I do that

I'm sorry to hear about your son, VIOLET.

Exchanged contracts on my dream new house today as well.

I don't even want to move anymore.

If it wasn't for the thought that my children would feel this pain if I did I'd happily drive into a tree right about now.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through, Ladyflumpalot.

You will get through this, I promise you. You will be strong for your mother and for your children.

Your mother sounds like a very determined person with a lot of dignity.

And of course you don’t want to move anymore, none of that seems important right now. But when the time comes you will also get through that. Because it’s the right thing to do and you know it’s what your mother would want.

If you asked her about cancelling your house move, what would she say?

Sorry, all I can do is send you some virtual flowers. Hope they help, even if just a tiny bit.

Thank you everyone.

I think I said goodbye just now. She told me she loves me more than anything and the grandkids. I told her I love her too, told her that if she wants to go to just go - she doesn't need to hang on for me. I told her I'll make sure the kids keep her memory alive. She hugged me as best she could and said she wants to go to sleep and not wake up, that she's fed up now. I told her that I hope I see her tomorrow but if I don't, to have a good sleep and goodbye.

OP you sound like such a lovely daughter and an absolute tower of strength and support for your DM. You will both be in my thoughts.

to both of you. You both should be proud of yourselves.

That is so nice you have to able to share that with your mum . In the future you will remember it as a special moment in the last few days you had together.

Lady for you & for your mum.

Oh that's had me in tears. Your lovely mum

She sounds like a very lovely mum. And you are a very lovely daughter to her.

I'll ask HQ to delete this in a bit - but this is my beautiful, lovely, brave Mum just before we found out the cancer had returned. She's wearing the badge for Ovacome.

OP, I got goosebumps reading your last sentence.
This thread has really made me think about how I should appreciate my family more and I'd like to thank you for sharing your story because it's made me think more about the future.
I hope you're getting the support you need OP
Best wishes

That is such a lovely photo. You've been a wonderful daughter to her - I imagine all of us are wishing/hoping we have someone beside us like that at the end of our lives.

What a beautiful photo. So much love in it. All my thoughts and love via the power of mumsnet. You are not alone and your children love you as you feel for your mum so keep going for them. Minute by minute forward.

Lots of love to you and your family and that’s a beautiful picture xx

Lovely photo.

lovely photo - you are very alike.🌷🌷🌷

Thank you all.

Yes, I have really learned to take each day as it comes and to take the time to tell and show the people in my life how much I care about them.

@LadyFlumpalot I found it such a privilege to be with my dad in his last few days. I also found some comfort knowing he wanted to go. All the uncertainty was over, there was only one way out. Hard hard stuff but very special times too. I’m sure your Mum must feel so loved to be able to tell you how she really feels.

Lady I lost my dm just over two years ago to cancer. She was so brave and strong, like your dm.
Just sending you my best wishes and to say how lovely it is that your could speak of your mutual love of each other.
I didn't have the easiest relationship with my mum, but she is in my thoughts constantly and I miss her so much, our mothers shape us so much.

Bless you Lady. Godspeed to your mum. Look after yourself, go easy.

Lady your goodbye sounds perfect and for the first time in over 11 years on MN, I genuinely have a lump in my throat. You sound like a wonderful daughter and one day you will be so glad you got the chance to say all the things you need to say. I lost my mum just under a year ago, and it was out of the blue and I didn't get to say goodbye - this still torments me - so please hold onto that as a tiny blessing in a sea of shit.

I can't see the picture for some reason, but the very fact that you posted it just tells us all how much you love her. I will be thinking of you over the next few days.

Thank you for sharing the photo of you and your mum, and what you said today.

I wish you both peace as you take your leave of each other.

Thank you all for your wishes. I'm at her bedside, holding her hand, she's slipped fast overnight and is not able to really speak, she's doing that irregular breathing and I can hear her breathing is a bit rattly. I'm staying as late as I can.