Total bowel obstruction and Ovarian Cancer - advice?

[LadyFlumpalot]

Hi all, my Mum is in total bowel obstruction caused by advanced ovarian cancer and has been in a hospice for 3 weeks tomorrow. The last time she ate a proper meal was the beginning of April. Does anyone have any experience of this? Her doctors are being very vague and telling me they can't give a timescale.

She is still in symptom control mode, not end of life care but she is slowing down, getting sleepy, slurring her words and getting a bit confused.

I suppose what I want to know is - can anyone give me even a rough indication of how long? I'm so tired, the hospice is two hours from my house and I'm visiting every day as well as working and doing the childcare. I want to take a couple of days to myself but I'm worried she'll slip away and I won't be with her if I do that

Just wanted to warn OP that there is a thing called terminal agitation. This is where as they dying process progresses patients get confused and can start to grab out/move unusually, and talk in a way which doesn't make sense. They aren't aware of it, it is upsetting to see. Sedatives are given which stop it.
I am sorry for everyone's losses.

Evening OP. Here if you need us. Hope that's ok to say x

Thank you :) yes, that is perfectly fine to say and lovely of you in fact.

So I read the "what to expect when a person is near death" leaflet at the hospice and I think she is starting to show signs.

She told the nurse she hasn't had a wee for a day or so, she is getting cold hands and feet and is starting to struggle with her memory.

However, she still has her sense of humour, is still gamely trying to eat and is demolishing ice cream. She's definitely a fighter is my mum.

Bless her.
People start to withdraw emotionally and memory loss is part of separating from life. There's no proof but I think it helps make passing easier. I knew patients at the hospice who had photos up on their lockers but replaced the faces with some from magazines because it wasn't painful to see them.
She seems well looked after. Are you managing to look after yourself? This is a terribly stressful time that you will look back on as difficult. Xx

How are you lady? Hope you are ok and your mum is comfortable.

sending you love n hugs

Hi both, I'm ok, mums still hanging on and seems really well at the moment! She's had her nose tube taken out. She's really lost a lot of weight though. I asked the doctor if he could give me any indication and he just said he couldn't say.

The nurse did say that she is feeling sick from toxins though so...

I had a lovely text from my boss, but I can't help feeling guilty that I'm not there.

This sounds really bad but... i once gave my fil's diagnosis of late stage prostate cancer for compassionate leave. I was given 3 weeks. A YEAR later he was still alive and I dreaded anyone asking and wondered how the fuck long it took! Quickly after that he passed and it sounds your mum is nearer but if shes feeling well-the ng tube is great!'then that's good if more limbo for you xx

I’m so sorry , went though the same ( ovarian cancer, bowel obstruction with my wonderful Mum 2years ago)

Was June 2 years ago I took her to A&e with acute stomach pain to find out a few days later aggressive and untreatable ovarian cancer.

We were lucky and got her home and work let me of as much as necessary.

Took my mum 2-3 weeks to pass from same stage you sound to me, she was a strong fit person.

Is she on morphine?

Sorry for you Eve x

Thank you all, sorry for your loss, Eve.

Yes, she has a morphine driver. They've taken her off the anti sickness as she was being sick anyway and didn't like the sleepiness the anti sickness medicine gave her.

She's so thin now, I have tiny hands and I can fit one hand around her upper arm. She's reasonably alert and sharp still, but struggling with things like remembering who she is talking to.

Every weekend I think "she can't last another week..." and every week she does...

They upped her morphine dose this morning, 30mg over a 24 hour driver. I don't know if that's a lot or a little, google tells me varied things. She's very sleepy and so so thin. Couldn't remember what day I was last in (I'm there everyday). I don't know where she is finding this strength but I'm sure it can't last much longer.

thinking of you always, kind thoughts to you and your family. i can’t offer advice as I don’t know anything about cancer etc x

Is she still eating and taking drinks? Even though all the searches said would be a few days from stopping fluids, took Mum nearly a week, with the morphine being increased every day. Last 2 days the health team could move her as even though she was barely with us she was in a lot of pain.

lady hang in there. The whole dying process took longer than I thought it would tbh. Dad was responsive on the Saturday, then sleeping / out of it by the Tuesday, syringe driver on the Wednesday and had a bad night weds night and looked different after that, then finally died v early morning on the Sunday. I don’t know why he carried on for so long, he wanted to go a couple of weeks beforehand.

I hope you are doing ok.

@LadyFlumpalot
So sorry to hear you are going through this. It's very traumatic.
My Wonderful Grandma died 4 weeks ago of Primary Peritoneal cancer. She had nothing wrong with her and then suddenly in December last year she started with abdo swelling. From that point she went into hospice for symptom control and ended up there for several weeks and we didn't think she would come out. In the end we got her home and she lasted until the end of May. She too had bowel obstruction from the time she was in the hospice and she lasted another 3 months from then.
I don't think anyone can give you a time frame but the acknowledgement that time is limited from this point. Take the good days- we still had good days and she still had her wicked sense of humour. These days will be at the forefront of your mind when the time comes for her to pass away or she slips into the comfortable unconscious. My love and thoughts are with you xxxxx

It's been over a week since anyone has asked how things are with you and your Mum ?

Yes I was wondering that too. Hope your mum is comfortable and you are coping ok.

Hiya,

Thank you, she's hanging on by her fingernails. She made the decision to stop eating yesterday. She's 8 weeks into her two week prognosis so she is doing well. She's so tired though.

I'm ok. Stressed to fuck but holding together. I can't let go or I'll never stop.

You are doing so well, I know this is so terrible for you all.

I used to sit beside my sons bed bed and pray “ please don’t let him die” followed 5 mins later by “please take him now so he doesn’t suffer anymore”. I felt so bad that I wanted him to die :-(

All hospices have chaplains who are available to you and / or your mother if you feel you might like this. They will talk to anyone of any or no faith.

And of course there is counselling and support from the nursing team. Please talk to them if you think it will help.

I’m glad your mum still feels able to make decisions for herself, that’s very important. She has so little control over anything now.

Have your children been able to say goodbye to her?

She will be very tired now and I hope she slips away peacefully .

sorry to hear , its very tough and exhausting for all.

Thinking of you.

Thinking of you ladyflumpalot and all others who've been in this situation.

Take care of yourself and remember to keep on drinking in this heat. Sitting at bedside things like that can get overlooked🌼🌼

Hi again, the doctor came to speak to me earlier to say that Mum is fading fast, he says that she is withdrawing and has said to him that she just wants to go now.

I cried. A lot. I broke my heart. I made the trainee GP lady who was shadowing the doctor cry as well.