Husband now terminal

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

My 31 year old husband has been today diagnosed as terminal. His cancer which had gone in July has come back rapidly and now there is nothing they can do . How do you move on from here? We had his sperm frozen to hopefully try ivf but he won't even be alive to try that.

I'm so utterly heartbroken

Sending positive vibes and thoughts OP Z

It was considered chasing but he has refused a hospital bed he’s in our double bed and our only bathroom is upstairs and he’s still just about making it to the toilet himself. Our house is also really small and we have a small living room and a small kitchen downstairs. We don’t even have a hallway so he wouldn’t really get any peace.

He’s struggling between desperately wanting company and wanting quiet and solitude. We’ve reassured him repeatedly that we are happy just to sit with him and read to ourselves or something we don’t have to speak we just want to be near him. I’ve moved the bedroom around to fit a single bed in there so I can sleep in the room too now since he can’t share a bed anymore.

Sending you strength and lots of It sounds like your dh is so well cared for by you and your gorgeous dog. Cancer really is evil.

All makes total sense Nifflerbowtruckle, we have a downstairs loo and a separate room the bed went in, plus he had the hospital he'd for the last few weeks.

Even having supported DH through it I can't imagine what it must be like for the person with the cancer, I know it's horrific to be the main support, but inconceivable to do anything else.

You are both in my thoughts, I hope you are managing to look after yourself as well, and have people around you who will help in that.

The thing that bothers me the most is knowing you have a time limit. Everyone knows that we will die eventually but it’s horrible to have that time line that it will happen by this point more than likely.

I’ve always said I could cope better if he had say 6 amazing weeks and then suddenly went one day rather than watching him deteriorate and suffer for months.

I think he is finding the inability to do much very hard. His mind is still working as it was but his body is slowly giving up and he’s aware of it every step of the way.

I'm sorry lass. It's all such a shit time. I know you don't need me to say enjoy those special moments. Hugs to you both xx

I think knowing in theory that everyone dies is a very very different thing to the reality of death at first hand.
Having talked to people in my widow group I think any death is hard, be it slow deterioration or sudden death, neither is easy - they are just different shades.

All you can do is be there to support him, and make sure you are getting the support you need to enable you to do that.

I remember posting that the memories we were making were just those quiet moments of togetherness, in the pain-free moments.
I wish you such moments x

We are all plodding on okay. We have been going up and watching something with him each night which has been nice. The dog is being calmer with him but she still wants to lay on him and sleep.

I had to take her to the vets after finding a lump near her nipple luckily is seems to be within the skin rather than under so they aren’t worried. I just need to keep an eye on it and take her back if it changes. The vet said she’s very young for anything sinister to be growing but I said we’ve been pretty unlucky lately.

I hope your dog's tits are OK. I can't believe I wrote that sentence. :o

Thinking of you and your DH. Actually, what are you watching? I'm in Oz and we get stuff waaaay later, so just catching up with "Victoria".

We are watching walking dead, supernatural and we’ve watched some Home videos from when he was a kid too. We’ve watched some films too.

Sounds good lass.

Thinking of you both. Hope you’ve enjoyed some nice TV time together.

Hope you are both doing as well as can be.

We have had a good day today. Although he’s just the same health wise he’s seemed brighter today.

That's good to hear. Sending good thoughts to you.

Nice to have a brighter day lass.

How have things been OP?

He’s had a bad few days and today he’s seemed quite pissed off. Not tolerating people well. I’m hoping he’ll feel a little better tomorrow.

I’ve just read this entire thread, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound like the most wonderful, caring and forthright person- your DH is so lucky to have you as his wife. Keep going, you sound like you have managing the situation as absolutely best you can.

I know this might sound like a totally alien concept but please take some time for you during these days. Being a carer to someone you love can be incredibly draining- try and do one small thing each day for you.

Thinking of you both.

I am so incredibly sorry for what you're all going through.

Such a hard time. Im so sorry. I lost my mum earlier this year throu cancer. When she went it was a relief in a way as she was so tired of it all.

I'm sorry he's had bad days. Try and be kind to yourself.

You are both under a unique type of strain. Hope tomorrow is better.

It must be so hard for you, totally understand him being pissed off. Are you getting out at all? Taking the dog for a walk and things? I hope today is better keep us updated.

He has every right to be pissed off and so do you. I hope you are able to look after yourself a little every day.