Husband now terminal

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

My 31 year old husband has been today diagnosed as terminal. His cancer which had gone in July has come back rapidly and now there is nothing they can do . How do you move on from here? We had his sperm frozen to hopefully try ivf but he won't even be alive to try that.

I'm so utterly heartbroken

Here for you lass.

Thank you for all your messages. DH is now comfortable but still groaning in his sleep at times. He's now pretty much unconscious.

I'm finding it hard to deal with his mum as she does things even when i've said it distresses him. He now doesn't want to be touched beyond the odd stroke of his hand but she tries to stroke his face all the time. I know this is hard for her but it is for all of us and my priority is his comfort not everyone else's wishes. We've been taking it in turns to sit upstairs with him (I went first) and she said she'd go up next even though I haven't been up properly for hours. Once the nurses have been again depending on what they say I think we'll all be up there together.

Could you ask the nurses to talk to your MIL about not mithering your dh when he needs space?

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this difficult and heart breaking situation. Can I send you something to cheer you, lift you, ? I'm worried about you. Sorry.

I'm glad he's more comfortable Niffler. People are thinking of you and him. X

I'll speak to the nurses when they come soon. The big problem when she holds his hand is that she doesn't hold it down next to him but pulls it up so it's comfy for her.

I'm doing okay. I'm just stressed. I'm an introvert and live in a tiny 2 bed house that for the past 10/11 days has had 5 adults and a dog living in it. I did fine with DH because we are both introverted and could sit in the same room doing our own thing or in separate rooms doing our own thing. I just wish everyone was gone and it was just me, DH and DDog but I know that would be selfish and he wanted them here at the end.

My dear Niffler, I have only just found and read your thread from the start......you are doing an amazing job of caring for your lovely husband, you are a caring, kind and extremely brave woman and I'm sending you all the love and peace I possess....I'm not going to go into too much detail as everyone's grief pathway is different but for what it's worth I was widowed 12 years ago at the age of 33 after my lovely DH,s 2 year battle with bowel cancer.....I never thought I would even have the emotional strength to raise my head again .....but in time i did just that....and even though my life is so different now to the plans we had , I do have a good and full life.....I promise you will survive this.....you're life won't always be staring at the gates of hell like it is today.....I will think of you and your husband every day and I wish him , when his time comes, a very safe onward journey....and after the immediate , heart breaking grief , I wish you peace and acceptance and a life free from any further sorrow.....xx

It's understandable that you'd like it to be just the two of you.

Thinking of you Niffler.

Also thinking of you Five.

I think it's ok to ask for some time alone with dh too where you can be in peace beside him. I understand why they are all around but can't imagine trying to cope with lots of family staying. Would it help to have one of your family staying nearby. Hoping DH brother helps as sounds like he gets it. You're doing so well. Xx

I hope your DH is as comfortable as possible. Did the nurses speak to MIL? It must be hard all being packed into the house. Wishing you strength

It's a hard time for you. Xx

My thoughts are with you x

I keep trying to write something that might bring comfort, but I'm not getting anywhere. So very hard and heartbreaking. Stay strong. You can do it. Sending love xx

The nurses didn't speak to mil I said I would in the end. It is imminent now he will pass tonight. I'm just having a few minutes alone with him.

You are doing so well Niffler. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and the family. We're all here for virtual hand holding

Thoughts with you just now @Nifflerbowtruckle. You are being so strong and brave. I hope it is peaceful when the time comes xxx

Dear Niffler. I've been following your thread and have been moved by your dignity and calmness, but most of all your strength. I hope your ILs can give you the space that you and your DH want/need. Be gentle with yourself.

Sending you love.

Thinking of you through this unimaginably painful time xx

Oh Niffler, you poor old thing...I feel so sorry for you with his mother. I know how it can be for a relative to be getting between you when really all he probably wants is what he had before...just you and him and your little dog. It just adds another difficult layer of frustation.
I hope his mother will give you the time with your DH. I really really feel for you, and I know a bit of what you feel because it was like that with my brother, one sister kept taking control of the whole thing and stopping others getting in there. That is really difficult to take.
I will also just say that like my brother he may not go as quickly as you think so there may be more time and you may have to hang in there longer than you think. It's also very difficult to keep preparing yourself for the worst over and over again. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions, sadness and rage. All the best, and thinking of you.

Your strength and dignity is immeasurable. Hoping for a peaceful passing. Will keep checking in and we all have your back. X

Thinking of you x

Sending love

I sincerely hope that your dh remains comfortable and has as peaceful a passing as possible...my heart is broken for you all xxx

To be honest Sadie I hope he does go tonight. He can't even speak now. He seems much more settled after I put the dog on the bed so she could lick his ear like he always liked .

Oh Love, am thinking if you, your DH and your dog.
Wishing peace, and your DH a pain free passing.
You are quite amazing.
X