Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Husband now terminal

999 replies

Nifflerbowtruckle · 03/10/2017 19:19

My 31 year old husband has been today diagnosed as terminal. His cancer which had gone in July has come back rapidly and now there is nothing they can do Sad. How do you move on from here? We had his sperm frozen to hopefully try ivf but he won't even be alive to try that.

I'm so utterly heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Lisette40 · 08/12/2017 23:16

much love Niffler and to your dh.

underthebluemoon · 08/12/2017 23:22

Perhaps you feel a bit numb or disassociated from the enormity of the situation? I think that is a coping strategy.

Thinking peaceful thoughts for your DH and you.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 08/12/2017 23:24

It sounds all so raw - the realist of real. Just devastating for you. I’m so incredibly sorry your husband is suffering so much, and I sincerely hope you take this in the way it’s meant, but I hope his pain is controlled soon and he has a swift and comfortable passing.

Original poster
Nifflerbowtruckle · 08/12/2017 23:30

I think maybe a bit numb would be accurate. Particularly because I can't really think of the implications of his passing because it will break me and I need to be strong to care for him. I know the implications but I force them to a deep dark corner in my mind. He was grunting and groaning in his sleep again until I carefully climbed into bed next to him. Trying desperately not to move so I don't touch his syringe driver or catheter. He slept better last night with me in the bed too.

OP posts:
ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 08/12/2017 23:37

God love you OP. You are all in our prayers.
Sending you love, hugs and strength.🙏🏽x

MollyHuaCha · 08/12/2017 23:47

Thinking of you and your family. Thanks

myrtleWilson · 08/12/2017 23:55

Thinking of you Flowers

fanniboz · 08/12/2017 23:57

You, your DH and all the family are in my thoughts. You're doing fantastic and I'm so sorry it's come to this. Wishing your DH all the peace and comfort in the world Thanks

NapQueen · 09/12/2017 00:15

Just found this thread tonight and read with such sadness. Op you are doing an amazing job at this, and dont feel any guilt at wanting your dear husbands suffering to be over.

Thinking of you both.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 09/12/2017 00:30

I’ve just read the whole thread and I just wanted to say that you’re in my thoughts Niffler. I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through but the love you have for your DH is so clear, I’m sure that’s of great comfort to him. Take care Flowers

WelshMoth · 09/12/2017 00:34

Niffler, I'm praying for your DH and for you, for what it's worth.

And there is nothing heartless in your words. If anything, it's the opposite. You loved him so much to not want to see him struggle.

I hope the journey to the next place will be soon. Sending you strength.

NoKnownFather · 09/12/2017 01:34

Your thoughts are not heartless, you love your DH and it's just soooo hard seeing him suffer like this. Trust me, I've been in your situation so I know exactly how you are feeling...and it's not easy.

Sending a big hug and thinking of you both! Sad

iboughtsnowboots · 09/12/2017 02:18

It isn't heartless, no one wants someone one they love to suffer, why would you. Wishing you as much peace and strength as possible.

sandytime · 09/12/2017 05:04

You sound as though you are a fantastic person op. I'm so so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through l! I wish you all the strength to get through this, and I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that you have done so much for your dh when he's needed you the most and no doubt he knows how much you love him. ThanksThanks

HappyHedgehog247 · 09/12/2017 07:28

Well done Niffler. You're being so strong and I'm so glad your dh was able to get some comfort and sleep by you being near him. I used to be a care assistant for terminally Ill people and sometimes people slept beside each other right to the end and it helped. It must be so so hard you and for his mum too. Xx

Apileofballyhoo · 09/12/2017 09:00

I hope you got some sleep, Niffler. I keep thinking this thought as I read the thread - some people go through a long life never really knowing that they are truly loved. Your DH has you. I know it doesn't make it any easier for the one who is left behind, but you will always know that you did absolutely everything in your power that you could do for another person, and he knows too. That is pure love. Flowers

yikesanotherbooboo · 09/12/2017 09:31

Thinking of you here, hoping for a peaceful day and some rest for you both

RMC123 · 09/12/2017 10:09

Sending love and strength x

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 09/12/2017 10:32

Sending love and prayers. 🙏🏽❤️

Ninjakittysmells · 09/12/2017 10:47

You are both in my thoughts, your love for your husband shines through Your posts Flowers

AndersArms · 09/12/2017 10:58

Also sending love and strength OP x

Amber0685 · 09/12/2017 11:53

Thinking of you Niffler

plinkyplonkyploo · 09/12/2017 13:14

You’re amazing niffler. I went through something similar with my sister last year ( also of cancer in early 30s). I can totally relate and you are not being heartless at all. Your love and devotion to your him is so evident and is clearly of great comfort to him. You’re doing such a wonderful job and we are all here for you. Xx

FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/12/2017 13:52

I haven't posted in here before as your story is very raw at the moment as we are at the beginning having had DH's terminal,diagnosis last week. I hope that I can maintain the dignity that you have, you and your DH are in my thoughts Flowers

MrsTaytodarling · 09/12/2017 15:06

Constantly in my thoughts strong love....Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.