Husband now terminal

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

My 31 year old husband has been today diagnosed as terminal. His cancer which had gone in July has come back rapidly and now there is nothing they can do . How do you move on from here? We had his sperm frozen to hopefully try ivf but he won't even be alive to try that.

I'm so utterly heartbroken

Another message hoping the pain relief kicks in soon. Please take care of yourself as well as your DH.

I hope he is more comfortable now

Another who is following your story. The way you’re putting your shoes first is amazing and so loving. Thinking of you often. You have my complete admiration for how you’re handling this. Cancer is so cruel. Sending love x

My thoughts are with you and your DH. Hopefully won't be too long before the pain relief starts working.

I hope the meds take effect very soon.

Hugs from here to there.

Just read your thread from the start. I am so terribly sorry you and DH are going through such a devastating time. Cancer is such an evil disease. Lean on your family and friends, they will want to help you and be there for you. Thinking of you and sending love.

OP

This is my first post on MN but I've read your thread and you are such a strong and amazing lady and your husband is lucky to have you and BIL with him, sending lots of love

Also your doggy is absolutely gorgeous, she'll know what's happening and I'm so glad you can bank on her unconditional love no matter how hard things are going to get xxxx

DH has had the nurses out twice for stat doses of morphine and midazolam. He's very twitchy and in a lot of pain. The last dose seems to have worked and he fell asleep. He occasionally grimaces though . I'll probably be calling the nurses out in the night again. He hasn't drank today. I think the time is coming ever closer.

I'm so sorry your both going through this niffler, it's so so unfair. You sound like a wonderful person though who wants the best for your dh. My best friends husband passed away in March and you sound like your going through very similar to what she and her dh went through. If I can tell you anything it would be to accept as much help as you can and also look after yourself. Sending you lots of love to you and your dh, you're both in my thoughts

This is the first time I've posted on your thread but have been following. Do call the nurses out whenever you need them - I remember with my mom we had a record of having them out three times in a night for various reasons - they were brilliant.

Is your BiL with you at the moment too?

I posted this on another thread but my sister died this year - she was young (but not as young as your DH) and she went into the hospice. The staff said to get family in as they thought it was likely she was nearing the end but she held on for another 3 days or so - the staff were surprised and felt that despite the extent of her cancer - other parts of her body were still young, strong and so it felt (obviously we'll never know) that her youth and strength were fighting it till the very end (if you see what I mean). She also had times when she appeared agitated - whilst we knew that this wasn't really affecting her it was upsetting to see and whilst one Dr was a bit dismissive of our concern another acknowledged that their role is supporting both the patient and the family and tweaked medication so the agitation disappeared.

On her last night after we ended up dimming the lights and putting on one of her favourite albums (she'd not been awake for a few days by then) and she gently passed away a few hours later. Obviously it may have been all coincidence but it helped us to think that it had "helped" in some way - in soothing her - as I understand hearing is one of the last senses to fail/go

I say all of this just so you're aware in case this phase lasts longer than you're anticipating as it can be so emotionally difficult, the caring, the grieving, the constant watching and guessing.

Also - and as ever you must do what is right for you - but with our mom we found a Macmillan sitter/carer a great help - not just because it gave us a chance to sleep but also because if I'm honest I felt that friends and others were getting a chance to "be" with mom whereas we were "being" the carers. Now there is a great honour/love in having that role but I felt in that circumstance it was getting in the way of being her daughter - just for a little while longer. So if you do decide to ask for carers support please don't think you're offloading a duty of honour/love for your DH to someone else but more that your carving out some space to be his DW.

keeping you in my thoughts [flower]

Didn't want to read and run. I really hope the medication helps him with the pain. Life is so cruel sometimes. You're amazing.

Sorry to hear he is in pain, I hope you both manage to get some sleep tonight

Keep going Niffler. You're doing amazingly x

You are in my thoughts Niffler. So very sorry for what is happening.

Thinking of you and your family @Nifflerbowtruckle, you're doing amazingly

DH pain is spiralling. The nurses have been out again to give him more morphine. They are coming out again in 2 hours. A doctor will be called tonight/tomorrow to review his meds and possibly prescribe some others.

I'm upstairs alone with him. He just wants to be left alone his pain is so bad (I have my own separate bed) and his mum constantly strokes his face and grabs his hand so they are all downstairs at the minute so he can rest. Once his pain is under control they'll be able to come up but I can't risk him waking up and being in pain.

This will probably sound a bit heartless but I want this to be over for him now. If he could live and be healthy then I would love that but this isn't right. He is in so much pain, he's bedridden, he hasn't drunk all day and he's barely able to be awake. As much as I will be devastated and broken hearted, seeing my big strong husband reduced to a shell of a man who is in severe pain and not able to even watch tv isn't fair. This is no life and I can't save him now.

You're an amazing wife. I'm so sorry you and your dh are going through this. How are you coping?

It doesn't sound heartless at all. Heartbreaking and painful, and full of love.
I hope DHs pain does get get under control.

You don't sound heartless at all my love. It's unhuman what's he's suffering, no one should have to go through that.

Surely they should be able to manage his pain better than this??

Thinking of you and sending you strength xxx

I am so sorry to read this Niffler. And yes I understand completely what you mean. It seems so unfair and cruel for him to be in so much pain.

That's not heartless at all. You love him and want the best for him and seeing him suffer is awful.

Wishing for as peaceful night for you all as possible.

I'm doing okay. I've shed a few tears but I can't really let go yet. His pain was under control until early hours of this morning when it spiked. However it's weekend and nurses can't change doses a doc has to do it. A doctor will be called out tonight or tomorrow morning to change his meds around but they don't really want to have to do it tonight (things are quicker in the day) plus it means he's still unsettled and they want to get him comfortable.