Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Life-limiting illness

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Husband now terminal

999 replies

Nifflerbowtruckle · 03/10/2017 19:19

My 31 year old husband has been today diagnosed as terminal. His cancer which had gone in July has come back rapidly and now there is nothing they can do Sad. How do you move on from here? We had his sperm frozen to hopefully try ivf but he won't even be alive to try that.

I'm so utterly heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Nifflerbowtruckle · 06/12/2017 22:59

I'm doing okay. I think part of the reason I haven't broken down is because I am caring for him so have to think about that. I also don't want people hugging me and patting my back I just want to be able to grieve by myself.

My dad cried himself to sleep last night Sad. I always thought my dad was the calm, sensible one but he's not coping at all in this situation.

My DH has had an okay day. I managed to give him a bit of a wash he's still a bit pongy though. I think he's slowly starting to lose his ability to swallow. I'm hoping to get him laid on his side tonight to sleep to try and preempt any bedsores.

OP posts:
DoItAgainBob · 06/12/2017 23:25

This thread is so sad. I hope you are managing ok and you are remembering to look after yourself as well. It's such a huge and scary thing to be responsible for another person when they are so unwell, even more so when it's someone you love but it sounds like you are doing brilliantly and doing all you can for him. Side sleeping sounds like a good idea, I hope he had a peaceful night and you manage to get some rest too.

iggleypiggly · 07/12/2017 11:33

Sending you big hugs and lots of love Flowers

MrsMozart · 07/12/2017 11:46

Handhold continues lass.

Amber0685 · 07/12/2017 13:33

You are doing a great job looking after DH

HappyHedgehog247 · 07/12/2017 14:40

Sending you love. Having a good cry may be the best way of coping for your dad right now. And you're right, he's safer if that's the right word to let himself go in a way that's hard for you if you're doing the caring. I am wishing you moments of still being able to feel connected to DH and him to you. Xx

escorpion · 07/12/2017 14:46

You are so brave. Sending you all the strength and love in the world. You are doing an amazing thing for your DH.

iboughtsnowboots · 07/12/2017 14:58

For what it is worth I think crying yourself to sleep is a pretty sensible reaction to what your dad is likely to have witnessed.
There is nothing I can say but I am thinking of you all.

ajandjjmum · 07/12/2017 15:12

You are amazing.

Can you not get carers to visit a couple of times each day - they would know how to handle your DH and could look after his personal care. They were a lifeline when DM died at home. Your GP should be able to organise this quickly.

Original poster
Nifflerbowtruckle · 07/12/2017 15:19

I have the ability to call in carers but I'm happy providing his care and he wants as little intervention as possible. He gets fed up when the nurses visit. They came today as he has a small bedsore so they are prescribing some cream and will let me know where to order washable bed protectors from. He sweats a lot so I'm trying to reduce it.

OP posts:
Amber0685 · 07/12/2017 15:27

I am sure DH feels more comfortable with you doing his care, but it is good to know you have the nurses when you need them. I hope his bedsore gets better and as people have said try to remember to look after yourself as well.

ElephantsandTigers · 07/12/2017 15:59

Be careful to res5 when you can and look after your own self care, eating, drinking, resting etc.

Namethecat · 07/12/2017 17:37

With bedsheets also look in the most unlikely of places such as ears.

Namethecat · 07/12/2017 21:41

Sorry bedsores.

ladylambkin · 07/12/2017 21:50

Thinking of you all at this very difficult time Flowers

plinkyplonkyploo · 07/12/2017 21:56

Thinking of you all niffler and wishing you a restful night.

NightCzar · 08/12/2017 02:32

Hi Niffler, I’ve been checking this thread daily but haven’t known what to say. I wanted to say something, though, which is that I wish you both so much love, strength and peace. I hope you are getting some rest right now.

Corneliasedet · 08/12/2017 04:04

Thinking of you and your DH and all your family and wishing you peace.

MorningstarMoon · 08/12/2017 04:45

Hey Niffler, sending hugs and love. How is your DH and DDog holding up? ❤❤

Jamon · 08/12/2017 05:05

So very sorry you're going through this 😔 sending love and strength to you xx

ElephantsandTigers · 08/12/2017 14:54

Thinking of you Niffler. Hope you're doing okay. How is doggy now ?

Original poster
Nifflerbowtruckle · 08/12/2017 15:16

Ddog is doing much much better. DH had the nurses out this morning. He had a blocked catheter and was writhing is agony and vomiting. They changed his catheter with some difficulty and gave him an injection of morphine. I asked them to get the ball rolling with a syringe drive. He refused all oral medication today and had the syringe drive hooked up about 45 minutes ago. He's in a lot of pain still whilst it builds up. He's now totally bedridden. He managed to sit up once to be sick but it was too much for him and he had to lay on his side to be sick.

OP posts:
Lisette40 · 08/12/2017 15:18

Niffler thinking of you and your dearest husband. I hope the pain relief kicks in soon.

sunshinemeg · 08/12/2017 15:28

I have followed your posts with so much love and admiration for you all. It is such a cruel cruel disease, you are facing this with so much courage. I hope the messages of support are giving you a little comfort at such an awful time.

Apileofballyhoo · 08/12/2017 15:34

Flowers Just thinking of you and your DH.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.