Moving into the Hospice

[Knittingnovice]

Some of you may know me, most of you won't of heard of me but today at 34 years old I am moving into the local Hospice as I know my life is coming to the end.
I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2011 and fought it with surgery and chemotherapy and was lucky enough after being the all clear to fall pregnant with a third child.
Unfortunately in October 2013 I found out that the cancer had returned as secondary bowel cancer in the form of peritoneal disease and liver metastases.
Since October I have undergone 2 more gruelling cycles of chemotherapy and numerous hospital admissions and my tumour is not shrinking and not reacting the the chemotherapy at all.
Everything reached a climax following the bank holiday at the end of May and after two days with the children at Legoland I was back in A&E with uncontrollable pain and vomitting.
Since then my health has spiralled downhill and last week after my discharge from hospital I took the selfish/selfless decision that i do not want to die at home and need to leave lots of happy memories for my children in the home and create new memories for them in the hospice.
I blog about my journey and decisions here

i'm not sure why i am posting this here, but i suppose i want to raise more awareness of bowel cancer and if this post prompts someone to go and get their poo checked out by the GP it will all be worthwhile for me.

Hi Knitting, just wanted to send you peace, courage and hope. You'll be in my thoughts x

Thinking of you knitting. Your decision is utterly selfless. I have advanced colon cancer and am at the beginning of my treatment; yet at the back of my mind I am aware that I may die soon. I've started making a list of things to do should that "terminal" diagnosis come through this yeat, next year, in 10 years time (who knows how long we all have!): memory box, letters to my 6 year old and DH, details of my bank accounts & passwords for DH, making sure I leave photos of myself behind (asking people to take photos of me with DD and DH), funeral preferences etc.

I can't stop thinking of you Knitting. I hope the transfer into the hospice was smooth.

My son's room was very large and airy with double doors onto a very pretty garden. Although it was too cold in February to sit out there we did pull his bed around so he could see outside. There were bird feeders just outside and the resident pheasant was beautiful to see in the mornings.

I hope that your room is peaceful and that you are able to have some very precious times with your family.

Thank you for all your kind words again, I have settled in remarkably well and slept incredibly last night for the first time in a long time.
This looks like a beautiful place, I have a large room with space for the children to run around in and doors (fire doors really) that open onto the Garden.
I do remember some of you from the Tamoxifen thread and hope that you can direct people over here if relevant.
I also have a FB page called 'the pooh sticks queen' where I blog and share updates on my treatment and life. I am also trying to use the FB page to raise awareness of bowel cancer in young women especially because it is a huge killer of women and yet does not receive anywhere near the coverage of breast or cervical cancer which makes me cross as all cancers should have equal priority not some are more important than others.

Knitting - malteserz directed me over here from the tamoxi thread. I am so sorry to hear your news and I only hope that I would be able to be as selfless as you in the same circumstances. DH and I were just discussing hospice care the other night - I have three DCs as well.
I'm so glad your room is nice and that you are comfortable.

Knitting. Glad you had a good night's sleep. Thinking of you and your family. Agree that all types of cancer should have equal priority.

Sending you love and positive vibes Knitting. xxx

I remember your last thread op :( I'm so sorry to hear treatment didn't work :( st catherine's hospice is where my nan spent her final days and they really looked after her and us too.

Your so brave, sending lots of love

I'm so sorry knittingnovice, life can be truly unkind sometimes

Your post is so moving, and your courage shines through. I wish you a peaceful time at the hospice. I hope it provides all the comfort you and your family need at this most heartbreaking of times.

Knitting, you sound like such a brave lady, taking that decision for your children after all who knows them better than you?

I wish you peace, and hope you build some fantastic memories for your children my heart breaks for you. Stay strong.

knitting I remember you from tamoxifen thread too. I'm so very very sorry to hear your treatment didn't work.

Sounds like you made the right decision for the right reasons.
Sending much love to you and your family.

Knitting, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Bowel cancer has taken a large number of my family on my mothers side, you're right, not enough people know about it or are willing to talk about it.
I'll go and find your page on fb now, and share it if i may?
Sending you strength xxx

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope the time you have left is full of love and peaceful and pain free.

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear this, I hope your time in the hospice will be peaceful. You sound like a very brave, inspirational lady. I'm going to have a look at your FB page now.

I wish I can find the words to ease what you and your family are going through. I can only say that I am thinking of you all at this time.

Hi Knitting just to echo what's others have said. I find your courage and outlook breathtakingly awe inspiring. I only hope I would have the same attitude if in the same position. Your post will stay with me a long time.

Enjoy your time with your precious loved ones x

Sending you love brave lady

knitting I hope your hospice is as lovely as the one my favourite aunt just went in to . ( Clydebank ) she has days/ weeks to go and has found an atmosphere of love and peace . I hope you do too and that your last days/ weeks / months are full of love and joy xxx

Sending love

Thinking of you knitting

I hope your precious time with your loved ones will give you wonderful memories.

You're a brave lady and I'm thinking of you and your babes.

I am thinking of you x

Holding you in my thoughts

I'm thinking of you and your family too. May you be filled, and surrounded with, strength, peace and love.