Needles and Neutrophils: The Hobnob Chronicles

[biscuitsandbandages]

Four weeks today I woke in my own bed with my 8 week old daughter in my arms and waited for the inevitable sounds of approaching 4 and 6 year old boys. I had everything I had every dreamed of. Life was difficult and tiring but we were getting there and I had plans for the summer and dreams for our family's future together.

Twelve hours later I was on CCU plugged into a monitor with fluid around my heart secondary to a diagnosis of adult T cell acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I've not been home since.

Statistically my chances aren't great but statistics don't apply to individuals and leukaemia hasn't met me before. My personal survival statistics calculated by me and based on stubbornness, amazing support from family, friends and my mumsnet backup crew and the healing powers of 3 small children are 100% and I won't accept less.

I have superpowers. I have grown three entire human beings. Piddly little leukaemic cells haven't got a hope.

But.....at times I am very scared. This should not be happening to me. It's was not how I planned to spend my maternity leave. My precious year when I was just going to be their mum and nothing else.

This is my second thread but I'm not going to link back as I'm moving forward. Thank you for moving forward with me.

Biscuits x

Oh Biscuits - that must have been really hard. Fingers so tightly crossed for you for the rest of this week. x

How incredibly hard. But Biscuits, I'm in awe of how you are handling this. Get cross and angry - you have every right to be.

oh Biscuits :(

I might be a little bit scared about the bone marrow biopsy, LP and results this week.

In wonder in retrospect if anger and tears are more about that?

Had two thirds of my children home this afternoon and I'm clearly out of practice. Managed ok but it's the first time I've been in sole charge of a child in 10 weeks and I'm knack erred!

It's bound to be tiring and different - brilliant day though

Well done for 2/3 of children.

Your life has taken such a swerve, no wonder you ask what is right/normal/OK.

We are al with you, every step of the way. I may not post daily but you are held in my thoughts every day.

...and mine xxxx

Thank you x

I am praying xx still xx

Glad you had some time with the children xxx

Yy to looking after 2/3 children. My treatment finishes tomorrow with the end of radiotherapy - I don't think I have had more than a half day with all three since I was diagnosed. Frankly I'm terrified of being "better" and doing three school runs a day, plus other assorted shite.
But equally, I need to be normal again for as long as I can. Thinking of you, my sister in crappy medicalness!

Did you have the TOP 2/3 of your DC...the smiley, cuddly but ear-waxy bit, or did you get the bottom 2/3 with the ummm, bottom and stinky feet?

Wow weebarra! That's quite a milestone!

Yeah partly I want to start increasing my stamina, partly I wonder what's the point since I'm starting chemo again probably next week. Either "zap the little buggers while we plan the transplant" or "shit this isn't working what else can we through at her" but chemo either way and probably inpatient.

Hard to tell norks as to be honest with a 4 month old girl and a 4 year old boy both ends are fairly similar and I certainly seem to spend a lot of time with feet in my face whenever we curl up to watch movies :-)

Evening biscuits and weebarra. Well done b on successfully caring for 2/3!! And awesome that you are at the end of radiotherapy weebarra!

Biscuits, today has been hard but successful for you in equal measure- you are a wee trooper. I agree anger is better to fight an illness than despondency any day of the week. Hope you are cuddled up to someone/ anyone in your lovely family right now with no smelly feet In your face xx

Great news re. treatment ending, weebarra xx

Evening Biscuits. Sounds like an emotional day, but hardly surprising that it all feels a bit overwhelming at the start of an important week like this. The idea that anger and fear are different sides of the same coin makes a lot of sense to me. You see? Acute self awareness/insight, even at a time like this; another thing that makes you the great woman you are!

Was sad to read that you felt teary on seeing the breastfeeding lady. Reckon I'd have been the same, mind you. It's fine/normal/good to cry, but Baby R is doing just fine & is hugely loved. The snuggles she's been getting from mummy lately will have been hugely nourishing for her. You're doing all you can under difficult circumstances. Remember that, and cut yourself some slack.

Taking on 2 of your 3 kids by yourself after all you've been through shows immense stamina. (I found childcare a terrifying prospect when my stamina was at its lowest). I just hope you're able to preserve some of that for the next phase. You'll get back to full pelt soon enough (and then you'll feel like you were never away) so be kind to yourself mrs biscuits.

Good luck for the procedures & results this week (& thank god for the sedation!).

Oh, and well done on reaching the end of your radiotherapy tx tomorrow, weebarra.

Ow ow ow ow ow.

Home from biopsy and pissed off to see my bone marrow os not doing well making its own cells again. Tomorrow I get platelets and blood before the LP and my neutrophils are down to 0.4 so feeling vulnerable again. Come on guys!

Blardy hell. I'm pissed off for you! Come ON neutrophils - sort yourselves out! We're all cheering you on!

Is it possibly just too soon after chemo, biscuits? What comes after tomorrow's LP?

Argh, it's hard but keep going strong lady. You'll get there. Get cross, but don't lose heart X

Come ON Neutrophils - we need to shout louder guys!!

Stay strong Biscuits. You are doing brilliantly.

And yay to finishing radiotherapy weebarra.

Prayers and thoughts to you both.

Our old antenatal thread used to have a virtual pair of for cheering on purposes. I shall have a rummage for them to encourage those neutrophils. Keep on keeping on in the meantime

They were doing so well! 1.6 on friday 0.4 today. Its probably the effect of the last big burst of chemo which was 8 days ago but effect dayed..... but even if im in remission I cant start the next phase until its over 2!

Well, let's encourage them on a bit, they will hopefully bounce back soon for you. channel your inner Yazz if you remember the cheesy 80's t

80s tune "the only way is up"....

Come on neutrophils! Thinking of you biscuits and weebarra too. Xx

Were the neutrophils the crocheted chaps? Not sure what it is i'm positively visualising I am fervently wishing you more of them, crocheted or not