Not a good day. leukaemia diagnosis.

[biscuitsandbandages]

When I woke up this morning I was a mum of 3 with an 8 week old baby.

Now im a cancer patient on thr coronary care ward.

This cannot be happening to me.

I've only just seen this thread, but just wanted to add my good wishes and gentle hugs.

Just booked my next blood donation appointment, thanks for the reminder biscuits

If you're A positive, maybe it's some of mine!

Wishing you all the very very best, biscuits.

Hi Biscuits

I've been lurking for a while, didn't really know what to say that might be of help.

I did a MN search for positive stories, so here you go:

VulvaVoom on this thread says her brother had ALL and is in remission.

KinkyDoritoWithFairyLightsOn has a teenage daughter who had ALL and is in remission. She has a blog too: here. She says on the blog that she is happy for people to contact her.

This is a thread about general cancer survival stories.

glossyflower on this thread says her dad got leukaemia aged 45 and is now in remission.

Twunk, who posts a lot on the Children with cancer thread has a young son with ALL who was diagnosed over a year ago and is still in treatment but seems to be responding well.

It's hard to search for ALL specifically on MN, because all you do is pull up every thread that has the word 'all' in it! I think you should take the number of stories as a reflection of the fact it is bloody hard to search for! There will be other ones out there.

My daughter has a rare blood group but because she received bloods during her surgery, she cannot donate .

She did however donate two ribs to the bone bank during her Scoliosis surgery!

Thank you to everyone who has posted.... I'm sorry I don't have the strength to reply individually but I do appreciate it.

I'm having a really bad day.

Looking up survivor stories was a bad idea for me at this stage I think.

To many have death dates.... Or just stopped posting and I don't know if they are dead or alive. Too many relapse stories. I'm finding it hard not to think of the best case scenario of getting through this for the sake a a worried few years and then a relapse and leaving the children anyway.

I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day. My baby girl is coming soon. I have written them a letter to read together if I die. It was such a hard thing to write but I have to help my husband prepare. He shouldn't have to do it all alone when his pain will be raw too. I don't want to be sad tonight. I want to cuddle her and play with her. She has no idea.

But she will soon have no idea who I am anyway and unless I survive then next 2-3 years she will have no memories of me at all.

hang in there Biscuits. the love you and your baby os a precious thing unbound by time

have is..etc

the Internet can be a scary thing full of doom.
Cuddle your baby DD and enjoy the moment, be full of love.
You are in my thoughts xxxx

She will always know who you are, and I pray that it's because you'll jolly well be there showing her! I don't know what to say that will help, other than remember the love and thoughts of hundreds of us are with you, and willing you through this.

Enjoy your cuddles.

There's a reason people always get told not to google medical symptoms - I bet you'd find doom laden stories from people who had an ingrowing toenail

Tomorrow is another day; another step on your journey, one taking you closer to getting through successful treatment and home to your babies and DH.

Stay stale!

What an ordeal you've been through today so far. Any of us would be reduced to a blunbering wreck reading the things you have read today. And on top of writing that most precious letter, which must be so hard. I wouldn't know where to start with something like that. It is so great that you have written that letter, as you say, it is a way of helping your DH through if that does happen. It is a wonderful gift and it is no wonder it took it out of you. But I hope and pray it is not opened, not until you have lived a long and happy life and you either open it together, on some unspecified date far in the future, or your grand children open it and it is a part of their family history.

Yes, put these things aside as that work for today is over and it is time to soak up essence and balm of loved ones.

Delurking here to wish you lots of love and strength Biscuits.
Sadly I'm now officially too old and lardy to donate bone marrow but if you're blood group B I can give you an armful of the red stuff.
In the meantime have some more good vibes from here in South Cambs.

Biscuits you really need to ponder some of the statistical and psychological aspects concerning patient-bloggers and their readership, to put all that in context;

1. Patient-bloggers are a self-selected group - it is more than possible that patients with poor prognoses are more likely to blog (for all manner of reasons if you think about it).

2)The surving blogs of people who have had tragic outcomes are often left up as memorials; they linger on accruing page-hits, climbing the google-rankings.

3. Patient-bloggers who graduate to survivors are highly likely to take their blogs down after a time. They will want to move on and get on with their lives, not maintain an internet presence from their sick days (will you want those reminders when you're better? will you want prospective employers reading about your illness and your reflections on it?).

4. Humans are ghoulish beings and misery lit is popular. The more tragic the story, the wider the readership will be and again, it will come much higher in the search results as a consequence.

Google is not your friend. Please don't do it to yourself.

You're right, bad idea right now. Stick to positives only. Your medical team should be able to help with that.

It's such an arse isn't it. I think we all google to try and find an answer that just doesn't exist ("what is going to happen to me...").

How are your energy levels? Can you get online and start doing some early Christmas present shopping, or photobooks? Can you do anything to help your husband with jobs at home while you're away. Lists of everything that has to be done including jobs for the kids (just making their beds or whatever you normally do with them). Might help your older ones feel like they are helping too, and nice to have reminders of you about the place.

Whatever helps this time go quicker, until you are back home recuperating.

It's a balance between finding distractions and focusing on the task in hand. Let the experts guide you in this.

Well done, you're nearly another day done. Keep going. Xxx

Just jumping in to send love and healthy wishes. You are sounding so strong. Keep going lovely.x

OOh I've just thought of one of 'those jobs' you could be getting on with…and this is definitely a 'living' thing!

A lovely friend of mine is going to set up an email account for her DD and email her with vids / pics / messages etc. You could (apart from getting all the photos in order - because that's what we all wish we would just get on with!) set up emails for them both and email them your memories of them / little love messages up to their current age. I'm also going to write a something about me - the principles that i would like to teach them, my philosophies on life, how I think we should treat other people, things that get me excited, hobbies I've really enjoyed in the past, experiences that have changed me, my views on various things…..

I don't know why i want to write that and it won't be a long thing…is that weird??

Evening Biscuits.

I agree with fidelineish, particularly on point 3. I think the reason people stop posting is because it stops defining them. You are more than this disease. As are the many survivors who have come before you.

Have been thinking about you a lot today as I have gone about a normal Monday. It is so unfair that you have been dealt this hand. I will continue to say a prayer that your unfathomable strength will help you to get through this period. In years to come, as ordinary as your Mondays may be, there will always be a touch of the extraordinary.

Sleep well. x

Thinking of you Biscuits. Try to stay away from the internet. You are surrounded by your family's love, the support and prayers of a huge rowdy group of Mnetters and it sounds as if you have some top-notch kick-ass medical staff in your corner.
That was a very brave thing to do to write that letter. May it gather dust unopened for decades. xx

Thanks guys. That's just what I needed to read before bed.
Had a rant and wail session with my husband and got a kind and much needed bollocking. I have no choice, I am a mum, I cannot curl up and die and take the easy way out. She is my baby. I can't lie on the bed and cry I have two hours a day to teach her who I am and right now she needs her mummy. She is a 10 week old baby who needs a bottle and a play so stop feeling sorry for what is happening and give her what she needs.

He is right.

And it's what I need too.

Had a lovely time playing with her and cuddling her.

I'm scared of what is to come but I have to keep fighting.

Statistics do not apply to me.

I'm not feeling it yet but faking it till I make it :-)

Sweet dreams xx

Statistics do not apply to me.

Quite right. They apply to populations or large data sets NEVER to individuals.

And I don't care how much of a role-juggling, multi-tasking, super-mum you are, you are NOT a one-woman population.

Sleep well x

"And I don't care how much of a role-juggling, multi-tasking, super-mum you are, you are NOT a one-woman population."
[Grin]
Night biscuits, sleep well.

Glad you had a supportive mini kick up the bum Biscuits, hoping you get a good nights rest and have a brighter day tomorrow. And stay off Google! It's no good for anyone, fidelinish made some excellent points xx