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Life-limiting illness

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Original poster

Not a good day. leukaemia diagnosis.

975 replies

biscuitsandbandages · 14/04/2014 03:44

When I woke up this morning I was a mum of 3 with an 8 week old baby.

Now im a cancer patient on thr coronary care ward.

This cannot be happening to me.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 19/04/2014 21:00

Hi, i'm so sorry to read this thread. Sending you big hugs and prayers. Xxx

spiderlight · 19/04/2014 21:59

Just bobbing in with a hand-squeeze to let you know I'm thinking of you Thanks

supergreenuk · 19/04/2014 22:12

Praying and thinking of you. Heart breaking

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 19/04/2014 23:23

This cannot be happening

OP posts:
fidelineish · 19/04/2014 23:25

You're probably still in shock. Are you getting any support with the psychological/emotional side? It must be so hard.

fidelineish · 19/04/2014 23:29

How about sleep? Are you getting much?

tinypumpkin · 19/04/2014 23:30

Agree with fidelinish. I imagine that you must still be in shock. Can the chaplains help in terms of someone to talk to? Ours are fab at just listening (no religion unless specifically asked) and seem to have more time than other staff to just be with people.

Biscuitsneeded · 19/04/2014 23:32

So very sorry to read all this. How devastating for you all. Have you got someone holding your hand there tonight? There are many, many virtual hands out there for you if not. xxx

Brakeover · 19/04/2014 23:32

Do you have a specialist nurse you can chat to ?
Is there a Homestart near you who could help you ? x

pepperrabbit · 19/04/2014 23:32

biscuits Sad I haven't posted before but am thinking of you. Such a shock, I hope they are supporting you emotionally as well as physically in hospital. Have you got any rest?
I hope your DB was able to come and cheer you up or distract you for a while at least.
Hugs, and I hope your DC are well enough to see you tomorrow.

saffronwblue · 19/04/2014 23:49

Just sending a gentle hug.

fidelineish · 20/04/2014 00:01

Happy Easter Day Biscuits. (I have a notion you aren't christian, but it's a festival of hope, nevertheless) Flowers

CheckpointCharlie · 20/04/2014 00:06

Here's a hand if you need one.

tara49 · 20/04/2014 00:25

So utterly awful and so sorry this is where you are now. All I can offer is the knowledge of a friends daughter who was in a similar medical condition and made a full recovery. Perhaps you could ask for something to make you sleep and give you some relief from the mental torment and what if's?
Maybe also ask hospital for someone independent to talk to - a counsellor or someone that you can voice your fears to?
You've got a big hill to plod up so read lots of positive stories, there are thousands of people who beaten this horrible disease.
You and your children will be in my prayers, get help to sleep. so sorry.x

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 20/04/2014 01:04

They are going to ask the palliative care psychologist to come and talk to me after the weekend.

Im hoping that will help.

Im not palliative and they are trying for a cure but its probably the best person to help me.

My days are always the same. Wake in a panic realising its still happening. Positive in the day. Getting on with pottering around the room eating and trying to look after myself. Then in the evenijg this deep deep despair.

Im not Christian but do celebrate eating chocolate :-)
My mum is going to bring her wifi dongle for me to try and the expressing is going ok. Physically I feel reqlly well so far. Its just all the emotional effects that are breaking me. X

OP posts:
HappySmileyFace · 20/04/2014 01:11

That is something that physically you are feeling really well. I can only imagine your mind must be filled with all sorts of emotions and that must be draining.

clippityclop · 20/04/2014 01:31

Just popping back to say I'm thinking of you and Happy Easter. Some great advice here, especially the stuff about keeping busy, keep negative thoughts at bay. You're doing well and we're all with you!

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 20/04/2014 01:42

Thank you and I just want to say thank you for all the kind offers of help here and in pms.

Im sorry I dont have the strength to reply indovodually but please know your words do touch me xxx

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 20/04/2014 01:53

biscuits I am glad they are bringing in a psychologist to talk to. Remember you can share your darkest thoughts with them- I am sure with your family you are conscious of their feelings too but you can just dump it all on the psych as it is their job.
Hope you are able to eat and enjoy some chocolate. x

butterfliesinmytummy · 20/04/2014 02:02

As long as you know we're here for you, we don't need responses, although feel free to take us up on any and all offers of help. Have you been offered counseling or similar? Sounds pretty drastic but it might help you come to terms with what you're going through. You will get more positive as time goes by, it's a huge shock at the moment. Just remember that every day, hour, minute, you are closer to being cured.

I'm in Louisiana USA at the moment (don't ask!) but up for the next wee while. Take care x

butterfliesinmytummy · 20/04/2014 02:05

Doh, sorry, didn't cop on to the part about the psychologist. When my mum was ill with cancer, her big thing was PMA (positive mental attitude) and her mantra was "it's always darkest before dawn". I know the evenings are tough for you but dawn is close by x

Kakaka · 20/04/2014 03:48

Just checking in to say I'm thinking of you and your family biscuits.

HappySmileyFace · 20/04/2014 03:55

You have a full on cheer squad of MNers backing and supporting you biscuits

Wishing you a Happy Easter

imip · 20/04/2014 06:04

Hi biscuits, I've been lurking in your thread this week and giving you another hand to hold....

I also had to give up breastfeeding suddenly (well, my first daughter was stillborn and I wasn't given any meds to suppress the milk). I wore cabbage leaves in my bra and had lots of hot showers. I also got mastitis, hadn't bf before, so didnt know what to look out for. Perhaps you are already on anti-biotics?

It lasted for a bit over a week until my boobs returned to 'normal'.

Are you able to Skype or FaceTime your dcs? I do understand that this could perhaps be more upsetting for them (and you?). But is it an option?

Original poster
biscuitsandbandages · 20/04/2014 06:59

Im so sorry about your daughter :-(

OP posts: