Mum has pancreatic cancer

[oldbaghere]

He has a few months at most

Fuck

These units help provide care for patients with cancers that need tricky complicated chemo/treatment, require a care plan that is best developed with the MDT team on the unit, need troublesome symptoms managed, need liason w/ families and carers worked out (some treatments can be administered at home by carers who need training) or if the person needs building up etc.

There are many reasons for admittance. However what troubles me is that you appear to not be being effectively communicated with. They should have given you a clear rationale for this decision. Please contact them and ask them why they appear to have not done this.

Is it possibly that they are communicating through your dad and he is struggling to pass it on?

Santas you hit the nail on the head. He's in so much shock I don't think he's even taking half of what he's told in.

Oldbag

They will come up with a good pain management plan that also proactively plans for any other symptoms. Sometimes an admission is needed for respite to manage pain/diagnose cause of it and it cannot be achieved at home.

However I am going to be honest with you. Sometimes people can deteriorate very quickly with cancers such as these. You have to prepare yourself for the unexpected. It can look very bad then people rally. Or they go down very quickly.

Try to live for the moment. I know how hard this is- we have both lost Fathers this year after prolonged nursing them ourselves.

and a big

Mignonette that's what I'm afraid of. That this is worse than anyone else in the family seems to be prepared to accept.

God it's a mess. Huge huge hugs to anyone who has ever ever gone through this.

Mentally switching between 'the worst' and holding onto hope is so hard.

I echo what's being said things can happen so quickly.
My mum was exactly like your dad + not taking in what was being said as she simply couldn't get her head around the fact it was terminal.I had to literally pick her up off the floor.
Big hugs to you for strength to deal with all this.
Please don't take this the wrong way but I hope things happen quickly + you all have the time to say what you need / want to her.xxxxx

Oldbag

I will be thinking of you and your family. I mean that.

People accept things in an incomplete manner. It is so enormous that one cannot truly grasp what is happening especially as things can change so swiftly from good to bad top good to settled to bad to good....You get the gist. All you can do is allow yourself to feel what you feel and talk to the staff/support services/us. There will be people who will be able to cope with you voicing your worst fears and if you want to talk privately about what you might expect closer to her time then please do PM me. There is a whole army of us on MN- those who have been through this and some of us are nurtses/doctors with professional experience too. I am here via PM if you want to ask me anything.

All my love to you and I will keep checking in on this thread.

I'm going to have to brave tescos to get a fucking turkey.

I was there at 6.30 getting other stuff and they had rows and rows of turkey's. Bet they don't later. Fuck it. I have ham. And chicken. If I don't get one we will improvise.

They are going to try to manage at home

Se won't go in because it was a "hospice type place"

But I'm not for invading with kids etc so I shall gird my loins and head to tesco around 5

Oh no, I've just caught up - sorry to hear things are not going well.

A lot of people, particularly older people, have a fear of the word 'hospice' which they consider a place where sick people get 'dumped' and 'left to die'.
Nothing could be further form the truth - moderns hospices are lovely places staffed by committed, highly trained people who know a lot about how to treat people whose condition is not curable. Many people are admitted to hospices for pain control, for respite (of a carer), for assessment of other troublesome symptoms (nausea, fatigue, weakness) and many other things. Hospices are absolute havens. People go home from hospices.
Some people chose to die in a hospice because they feel safe and well looked after there.

Please show your mother my post if you think it might be helpful.

And good luck at Tesco's - you'll need it!
You could just make Posh Chicken and call it 'Toy Turkey' (as in toy poodle)?

I'm sorry to hear this. Make use of your Macmillan team, they are fantastic.

Pacific you got. It. This is exactly what her and dad think.

Dads voice when he said "hospice" was just so .... I dunno it had this tone

Oldbag I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. My Dad had pancreatic cancer too, and at this time of year. Its so bloody tough isnt it?

Make the most of the time you have, say the things you want to say and cherish every moment. Am not saying that to be ghoulish, but it will be of comfort to you in the future.

No-one (least of all us on here) know how things will progress, but please get your Mum - and Dad - to accept all the help offered to them, it will be a huge support. There is some palliative care available in the community, but I'm not sure how patchy it is; perhaps that might be an option rather than going into a hospice if they dont want that?

Holds oldbag's hand tight x

Lots of people think nothing but the worst when they hear hospice.
It's a real shame - they are a great resource; equally "Hospice at Home" but that's not available everywhere.

Is this a daft plan? Tesco shuts at7. I intend to arrive at 6. If I can get it, I get it, if I can't I can't.

Nope. Sounds good.
You'll get lots of goodies at reduced prices too .
I bought 8 punnets of strawberries on Sunday - for 18p each...

Happy hunting!

Don't think I could face mad crowds. But at least at 6 it'll be only the mad folks who don't care. If it comes to it I have a chicken and I already have a ham in the freezer so I just lifted it out.

My brain isn't working. What do I need for dinner for 7?

Spuds.
Veg of your choice.
Gravy granules
Ice cream for dessert.

Look. It's just food. Put some candles on the table and your good crockery and welcome your loved ones with a smile.
Really, all the other crap does not matter. It really doesn't.
{hugs}

I have no spuds. Well. Not enough. I have no cranberry.

I have no sprouts.

I have desserts enough.

I have chicken gravy granules. No one will notice and if they do tough tit

Jesus my table current sports a clothes mountain. Black bags and hide them in the shed?

Dinner is Boxing Day. I'll just go to mum and dad on my own for an hour or two tomorrow